My Crazy Life

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I blog therefore ...

The other day , in the middle of morning rush of rounding on patients , I was inspired by one , she sounded confused , after which I asked " Do you know what year we are in ? " , she giggled before trying to answer my question in an attempt to show how silly it was ! Shortly the moment of truth came , she started looking around to think , after a while and with a big smile on her face she replied " 1967 " . At that moment that evil me was laughing , celebrating , and screaming " in your face you old sick lady " . After getting out of the room , I stood there for a second to think of what kind of memories that lady's rusty brain was stuck at in 1967 , then it all occurred to me suddenly when I started introjecting what had just happened ! I realized I was no different ! I was totally DISORIENTED too .

In medicine , when we first examine patients , we start by assessing wakefulness followed by orientation . Orientation means exactly " enak te3raf wein Allah 7atak " , and consists of 3 elements ; time , place & person

When I asked myself that question , I found myself stuck somewhere in 2008 . It all happened after graduating from medical school and finishing my internship year . I was entirely shocked with the real life , and how much work it takes me to get my career set and well established ! The goal I had at that time was to get to the states and start residency ! I decided I need to be focused on the freaking USMLE exams that can lead me to achieve my goal . And that was the time when I decided to abandon my blog and take a little break . Apparently that little break was a little bit longer than what I was expecting !

Simply, I blog to express , & not to impress ! Whenever I hit the " New Post " button and start typing , that is the time when I have a light bulb above my head . My blog is that quiet place that I lock myself in , to think and see clearly .

Having that being said , obviously I was barley thinking in the past years , I have just been going with the flow and adopting the trends of others . I was putting myself in a position to take the crap of people whether I liked it or not . I was thriving , or more correctly , surviving on others' infested , filthy , lousy & nasty thought process .

I had never been like this , I might have been for now , bs Inshallah & for sure I ll never be anymore .I have the tendency to develop or even create new music of minds !
Sorry Rene , allow me to rephrase , I blog therefore I think , I think therefore I am me .

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What happens

What happens when Drs are stuck at the hospital on Feb14 !

Saturday, February 05, 2011

She said " I Like your outfit "

That is what a young beautiful girl said to a woman from an Asian descent wearing traditional clothes of her country in the waiting room at the O'Hare international airport , which by no means was beautiful or even anywhere close !
Well , with respect to all cultures all over the world , I mean no insult to any , and I do understand the various cultural backgrounds in choosing the colors and type of clothes they wear ! Anyways , this is not my point !
I have been raised in an environment that was exposed to the American style widely , with which my intellectual abilities had been affected ! But what that woman was wearing didn't match with any definition of beauty or even creativity .
After 5 minutes of the emerge of the great MYSTERY, where i was trying to kill the time waiting my connection flight by thinking and trying to convince myself in a way or another in what that cute blond said , when all in a sudden the Davinich code was just solved , when she asked the orange riding hood to watch her bag for 5 minutes till she gets back from the restroom , TARAAAAAAAA !
The art of initiating fake short conversations , making manipulative scented smiles , and creating bogus friendly atmosphere with strangers has always been MADE IN THE USA with pride ! I am not trying to sound condescending , no at all ! But what i am trying to refer to , is the importance of learning such kind of art , in order to dissolve in the community and not to find yourself precipitating at the bottom !

Sunday, August 29, 2010

My Crayons

Finally , after more than a week of trying to post this ! I have just been inspired to press the " Publish Post " button !

Looking deep in my heart , seeing the scar of an old healed wound , flashback in my head nothing other than the sum of all the memories and events that were tightly bound to how it ended injuring my heart ! It aroused my sleeping feelings of hatred , disgust , & grudge !

Anyways , two questions kept spinning in my head after what happened , for which I can IMAGINE no answers ! Probably because I never thought that such things could exist to provoke one's mind to wonder about !
The first is How can someone renege on a promise he took on himself ? & the other one is How can someone not have enough guts to uncover what is going on his mind , and prefer to avoid facing other with reality ?

Wearing the innocence of a child smile , walking with vicious kindness , promoting hypocritical loyalty , prided with artificial nobility , and deceiving people with fake honesty , were all discovered long after encountering the stealthy hit , when incidentally my heart was seen bleeding inside !

This kind of people think they are smart , but in fact you will realize their true nature of selfishness , arrogance , & near sighted vision , that sees no further than their noses , with only one image that shows on their mirrors which is a false bright reflection of their self-delusions , that mislead them to believe that they are the only creatures living in this world , and if any others existed , they are nothing other than worthless bugs , to whom the right of crushing is theirs any time they feel like it !

Long story short , it is like living peacefully on an island in a world of your imagination , having everything you need , and satisfied with everything you got , and suddenly , out of no where , they pass by like ghosts leaving you with gray crayons after promising you a box full of colored ones if you give up yours ! Once done , they never existed !

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Decisions I didn't Make !

Still feeling dizzy fifteen minutes after waking up , and feeling so blessed with so much inner peace after being done with yesterday , I decided to do one little thing that I used to enjoy .....

For the past year I have been imagining myself in war ...... war movies , cavalry charge , combat scenes , war drums , chanting songs ... thats what you ll find in my YouTube history page.

I can say it has been exactly 10 months and 18 days since I had decided to do something in my life to make me feel that I am the one in charge AGAIN ! After a long era of injustice , iniquity , and immorality that was declared by the moment of starting med school , it is now , and only now when the darkness of that time will fade with the sunshine of my new reign .

After graduating med school , or even through the whole years of being there , It felt like I lack control over my decisions , but that wasn't realized till recently ! My mind got screwed , it was brain washed , once you decide to get into med shit , they are going to inject you with anti-self antibodies that will resist and destroy any idea or thought that has to do with expressing yourself ! It will interrupt any neuronal signal that wants to get past the the process of thinking ....... the decision making center in your brain will end up shrunken & atrophied ! Its like a FRONTAL CORTEX ablation . It will detract you the ability to take decisions , regarding things you enjoy or want other than "being a doctor " ........ Med school Med school , if I blog daily for a whole ( 6 years ) to describe how badly it had affected me on the personal level and on how much suffering & hatred it grew in me , it wont be enough .......
Anyways , that was not even my point , the thing that I want to mention , that during the past years , my thought process was not going well ..... at least for most of the time . I took some bad decisions which I really don't regret at all ! But what sticks in my throat are the decisions that i didn't make !

Having the ability to make decisions gives you inner peace , it puts you in a position to anticipate the consequences physically and mentally , regardless what were the results . On the other hand , which I wish that I can cut , when you pay the price of decisions that were taken on your behalf , and for which later on you will be known , will put you in a state of instability and self-doubting about every aspect of life.

Its not that you are forced to do things ..... Well , do u know ..... I would rather want it to be that way , at least I will still be able to enjoy being myself , and I will still have my will , even if it wasn't a free one ! The worst part of the story comes when you don't know who is taking the decisions , and why they are being made , and then you reach a level where you will loose the ability to make one , or maybe you will even forget that once in the past you were able to do such a thing.

Last year , was the time big decisions were made , it was last year when I took my decision to start taking decisions again . Anyways , and regardless of what I will be harvesting later , I am sure that 10 years from now , I will be proud of myself for taking back what was originally mine .......

Monday, February 22, 2010

When no words can do

Just before going to sleep , I went to look outside the window to check a sound I had heard, but I realized later that it was only the smell of cold carried by wind mixing the green color of grass with the purity of dew drops knocking on the window . This specific combination of stimuli with the feelings I was having a minute before , it all reminded me of something that happened to me in the recent past and gave me no choice other than turning the table-lamp on , grabbing my laptop and opening my blog ….

Sometimes we give people nicknames , that is usually related to a character , attitude , behavior , or maybe a smile that they have ...... But some other times - which are usually phenomenal and exceptional - the glamour , gorgeousness , and unusual magical powers that some people puff into our soul exceeds the capabilities of human mind to think of or imagine ! They despoil us the ability to comprehend and express the collection of emotions and feelings that storms into our mind to come up with something decent that MIGHT BARELY stand at some of what they truly mean to us ! We just stand there paralyzed , being unable to move a nerve , staring our eyes , having our mind blocking every other impulse that wants to get through …. and end up embarrassing ourselves trying to be thoughtful in finding special words !

This kind of people are not found there in life by default ! Unless they are standing at an end of a cliff to detour you from the way you have been mistakenly walking through , they wont be as such ! Those are the ones that you find them at the turning point of your life .

Sometimes , while going through life , we get hit , scratched , or maybe beaten by the so many conflicts we go through , where we will end up with so much damage and no more energy or hope to keep going , and start drowning ! But at that time when that someone that you never realized how much care he has for you , grabs you out of water and slaps you to wake you up ; you realize how in need you are for them to change your path ! And with the first breath you take and the first sight your eyes fall on you see sparkling eyes to sink in again , an extended hand to hold , a solid shoulder to lean on , and a warm heart to give you all the energy & hope you had lost , to find the right path and start a new journey .

Inspired by A.Q

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