08.29.2012 Lindsay banned from Chateau Marmont, still terrible at lying

Lindsay Lohan has been banned from her favorite place on Earth, the Chateau Marmont hotel, all because of one trivial little issue (she owes them $46,000).

But hold on to your hats because it turns out Lindsay did nothing wrong and everything is someone elses fault. What a shocking twist this story took!

Sources close to the actress tell TMZ, Lindsay claims producers agreed to cover her stay at Marmont while she filmed “Liz & Dick” earlier this summer — so she was shocked to learn there was an outstanding 5-figure bill in her name.

I’m as amazed as anyone, but that’s probably true. Getting around LA is impossible and infuriating so it makes perfect sense for the producers to get her a room close to the set. It happens all the time. Her first day was June 4th, and the hotel bill begins June 5th (after she no-showed the first reservation, of course). So far so good.

Normally that would be the end of a story like this, but Lindsay Lohan is a pathological liar / kleptomaniac / cunt, so it’s not.

Here’s the deal: Lindsay lives on San Ysidro Drive in Beverly Hills (red arrow), and even shares a driveway with this much better house where Heidi Klum and Seal used to live :(

‘Liz and Dick’ was filming in Marina del Rey, “A” on this map. Lindsays house is “B”, Chateau Marmont is “C”. So instead of getting a room near the set, whenever her water bottle was out of vodka and she needed to rape a pile of coke, she would drive to a hotel that was half a mile past her house.

And just like the previous 100 billion times a company paid for an employees hotel room, Lindsay was expected to cover incidentals. That’s all she was charged for until June 15th. After that, the producers were still paying for her room, but now that room was in the Ritz-Carlton in Marina del Rey, because, yes, it only took 2 weeks for her to figure out that walking 15 feet to a luxury hotel is easier than driving 25 minutes to one.

The move paid immediate dividends. Except that she was found unconscious that very same day. Obviously I meant other than that.

Now, since the movie wasn’t paying for her room at Marmont anymore, you might be wondering why Lindsay didn’t leave, why she didn’t check out, but keep in mind that Lindsay is a moron, and if she could she’d tell you and your perfectly reasonable questions to go fuck yourselves.

Of course it is possible that she really did think the producers were paying for everything during filming. Since the movie wrapped on July 2nd, that would explain why she stocked up on $502 worth of tiny alcohol and gummi bears from the mini-bar on July 1st. Those producers took a big chance and hired her when no one else would, so why not fuck them over as much as possible, ya know? $19 for a Toblerone? YOLO.

And after that it was practically a holiday; surely the producers would want to thank their star and have her stay a few more days, and then charge over $2,500 in the hotels restaurants and bars on July 4th. And so that’s exactly what she did!

And the producers should pay for all that! They should pay the $20,000 the hotel is charging while she made the movie! And also the $26,000 the hotel is charging for the two months since then, because why not. What an honor this must be for them!