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From the Editors of Cracked.com

You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News

18 brand new, never before read articles
All new, original illustrations
Buying this book will make you sexier
"You Might Be A Zombie is the funniest, wisest, greatest book ever written! I keep reading and re-reading it here in my padded cell!"
– Stan Lee
"In a sea of literary lies, finally a book that will tell you the TRUTH about the things you need to know."
– Sarah Silverman
"People keep sending me links to Cracked.com, and gradually I'm realizing it's smart, funny and cool."
– Roger Ebert

Sneak Peek from "You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News"

Three Colors You Don't Realize Are Controlling Your Mind

Three Colors You Don't Realize Are Controlling Your Mind By: Robert Brockway Would you believe that changing the color of the Golden Gate Bridge could prevent thousands of suicides? How about that the color pink can give football teams an unfair advantage? We look at the shockingly powerful psychological effects that colors can have on you.
Five Famous Artists Who Didn't Create Their Signature Creation

Five Famous Artists Who Didn't Create Their Signature Creation By: Gladstone Discovering who is responsible for a great work of art is apparently the opposite of discovering who just farted in the elevator. The more adamantly an artist insists they're the one who did it, the more likely it is that they're lying.
Five Fun Things That Will Kill You

Five Fun Things That Will Kill You By: Tom Reimann Many of the fun, harmless activities you grew up enjoying were secretly designed by the Jigsaw Killer. While you shrieked with delight, these seemingly safe contraptions were just waiting to turn your world into a scene from Final Destination.
Oh the Places You'll Go (When You're Dead): Six Insane Things Science Might Do with Your Cadaver

Oh the Places You'll Go (When You're Dead): Six Insane Things Science Might Do with Your Cadaver By: Justin Droms Everyone knows that donating your body to science is the right thing to do. This article proves that it's also occasionally the awesome thing to do. For some lucky corpses, being dead is like going to the most incredible summer camp possible.
Five Stories about Jesus's Childhood They Had to Cut from the Bible (to Avoid an NC-17 Rating)

Five Stories about Jesus's Childhood They Had to Cut from the Bible (to Avoid an NC-17 Rating) By: Brain Thompson Remember when you were a kid, and all you wanted to do was jump your bike off of something that was exploding? Apparently boy-Jesus was just as awesome as you would have been, if you could summon dragons and make snakes explode with your mind. No wonder they skipped from Christmas to his thirties.
Five Wacky Misunderstandings That Almost Caused a Nuclear Holocaust

Five Wacky Misunderstandings That Almost Caused a Nuclear Holocaust By: Rory Colthurst The Cold War was a lot like one of those sitcoms where a hilarious miscommunication causes two star-crossed lovers to almost end up with the wrong person. Only instead of wrongly dismissing the love of their life, the whacky mix-ups between the U.S. and Russia almost brought about the end of the world.
The Four Most Insane Attempts to Turn Nature into a Weapon

The Four Most Insane Attempts to Turn Nature into a Weapon By: Ben Dennison When nature wipes out a big portion of the population with a tornado or an earthquake, the military immediately begins trying to figure out how to put that power into a gun. Occasionally, they are successful -- which is why there was once such a thing as a tornado gun.
Four Mythological Beasts That Actually Exist

Four Mythological Beasts That Actually Exist By: S. Peter Davis Not all bogeyman turn out to be some guy in a Chewbacca costume. Some of the farfetched legends science scoffed at for years turned out to be terrifyingly true stories. We run down four giant monsters that will make you wish Bigfoot was the one that turned out to be real.
Five Fight Moves That Only Work in Movies

Five Fight Moves That Only Work in Movies By: Seanbaby If you've ever been in a fight, you might've noticed that it was nothing like the violent ballet they show you in movies. If you've never been in a fight, these are the five moves that your brain is going to tell you to try first, all of which will leave you face down in a mosaic of your own teeth.
Five Awesome Things You Didn't Know Could Make You Sick

Five Awesome Things You Didn't Know Could Make You Sick By: Michael Swaim Stories of rare, but medically recognized illnesses caused by everything from good art to celebrity voices You won't believe we're not just making them up to get out of work.
Four Things Your Mom Said Were Healthy That Can Kill You

Four Things Your Mom Said Were Healthy That Can Kill You By: Robert Evans Trying to follow all of the home-cooked wisdom that's been tattooed on your brain since childhood is a good way to ensure an early exit. Telling you to get eight hours of sleep every night and to hit the four major food groups was just mom's way of saying, “One day I will dance on your grave!”
Five Stories the Media Doesn't Want You to Know About

Five Stories the Media Doesn't Want You to Know About By: Robert Evans with Erica Cantin Some of the greatest stories of corruption, idiocy and exploding cars have occurred as a result of the media screwing the pooch. Of course, the media doesn't think they're such good stories, which is why you've never heard them before. Until now.
Five Hollywood Adaptations That Totally Missed the Point

Five Hollywood Adaptations That Totally Missed the Point By: Christina Hsu It's one thing to add a happy ending when adapting a book into a movie. It's another to completely turn the story inside out, light it on fire and dance in the ashes while mocking the original author's intended message in a high-pitched girly voice. This is about movies that did that second thing.
Four Great Women Buried by Their Boobs

Four Great Women Buried by Their Boobs By: Tim Cameron Apparently the history of scientific achievement is a lot like the office in Mad Men. Contributions of women were greeted with a wink and a nod in the general direction of their boobs. It would all be hilarious if it hadn't screwed humanity so completely.
Five Classic Cartoon Characters with Traumatic Childhoods

Five Classic Cartoon Characters with Traumatic Childhoods By: Michael Swaim Saturday morning cartoons were more like Dickens novels than you might remember; every main character was an orphan who was forced to do the jobs of their grownup caretakers.
Five Conspiracies That Nearly Brought Down the U.S. Government

Five Conspiracies That Nearly Brought Down the U.S. Government By: Jacopo della Quercia, Ned Resnikoff and Peter Hildebrand America has had its share of shadowy figures trying to take power from behind the scenes. We bring you five that came so close to succeeding, the government decided to keep them a secret so you wouldn't get any ideas.
Four Ticking Time Bombs in Nature More Terrifying (and Likely) Than the Ones in Disaster Movies

Four Ticking Time Bombs in Nature More Terrifying (and Likely) Than the Ones in Disaster Movies By: Ben Joseph There are movie-worthy disasters sitting quietly under the parts of the country that Roland Emmerich doesn't make movies about. When they explode, they're going to catch everyone off guard. Well, everyone who doesn't buy this book.
Five Beloved U.S. Presidents the Modern Media Would Never Let into the White House

Five Beloved U.S. Presidents the Modern Media Would Never Let into the White House By: Michael Swaim From Lincoln's ridiculous voice to James Madison's hilarious height, many of the greatest presidents in U.S. history had the sort of flaws that would get them laughed out of the Iowa caucuses today. We take you through the reasons the modern media would never let us elect a great president today.

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS

Nathan Birch

Nathan Birch
(The Nine Most Insane Medical Practices in History, The Six Creepiest Urban Legends That Happen to Be True) In addition to working for Cracked, Nathan spends his time writing for top video game sites, producing his own webcomic (www.zoologycomic.com) and hoping he'll never actually have to grow up.
Robert Brockway

Robert Brockway
(Three Colors You Don’t Realize Are Controlling Your Mind) is an editor and columnist for Cracked.com and the author of Everything is Going To Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead, a book that is infinitely superior to this one in every way. He is also fired, just now.
Adam Tod Brown

Adam Tod Brown
(Five Horrifying Food Additives You’ve Probably Eaten Today, The Awful Truth behind Five Items on Your Grocery List) is a freelance editor and comedy writer with skills often described as "ninja-like." He holds a Masters degree in street knowledge and drinks from only the finest of bejeweled goblets.
Tim Cameron

Tim Cameron
(The Six Most Terrifying Foods in the World, Four Great Women Buried by Their Boobs) goes by his middle name Niall as a musician, since it's over 70% more pretentious. You can experience Niall's stirringly resonant soundcrafts at www.niallcameron.com
Erica Cantin

Erica Cantin
("Michael Bay Directs the News" in Five Stories The Media Doesn’t Want You to Know About) lives in a formerly abandoned castle near the sea, where she and her family sing many a merry shanty.
Rory Colthurst

Rory Colthurst
(Five Wacky Misunderstandings That Almost Caused a Nuclear Holocaust) is a politics student based in London. He started writing when the school system would no longer let him draw pictures, and has never looked back
Travis Corkery

Travis Corkery
(Six Terrifying Things They Don’t Tell You about Childbirth) is a writer from Anchorage Alaska. He lives with his wife Charlene, dog Volta, and 2 children, one of which was conceived to research the article that appears in this book.
S Peter Davis

S Peter Davis
(The Five Most Ridiculous Lies You Were Taught in History Class, Four Mythological Beasts That Actually Exist) in addition to this sort of thing, churns out reams of unpopular and socially disturbing fiction. He lives alone in Brisbane, Australia with his two fish, Salmon Rushdie and Marlin Brando.
Jacopo della Quercia

Jacopo della Quercia
(Numbers 5 – 3 of Five Conspiracies That Nearly Brought Down the U.S. Government) was born to Italian parents, studied Renaissance History in Florence, has taught classes on Dante, Machiavelli, and Renaissance Art, believes the past is still alive, writes in code, and died in 1438.
Ben Dennison

Ben Dennison
(The Four Most Insane Attempts to Turn Nature into a Weapon) writes comedy to pay the bills. The bills usually win, but hey man, that's cool.
Justin Droms

Justin Droms
(Oh the Places You’ll Go (When You’re Dead): Six Insane Things Science Might Do with Your Cadaver) was an editor at Cracked for two-and-a-half bloodsoaked years. He currently "works" in "marketing" in "Washington, DC."
Robert Evans

Robert Evans
(Four Things Your Mom Said Were Healthy That Can Kill You, Five Stories the Media Doesn’t Want You to Know About) has dedicated his life to finding every dick joke in the history of literature.
Ian Fortey

Ian Fortey
(Five Awesome Places to Have Sex (and the Horrific Consequences)) is a freelance writer, Cracked columnist and Pisces. He will sleep on your sofa if you let him.
Alexandra Gedrose

Alexandra Gedrose
(Five Psychological Experiments That Prove Humanity Is Doomed) has a strong aversion to bottled water.
Gladstone

Gladstone
(Five Famous Artists Who Didn’t Create Their Signature Creation) is a columnist for Cracked.com and the creator and star of the popular Hate By Numbers video series. His website is www.KafkaMaine.com and stay for awhile?
Christina Hsu

Christina Hsu
(Five Hollywood Adaptations That Totally Missed the Point) is extremely proud of having written part of a book, which she hopes will be the first small stepping stone to her life goal of someday, possibly, if all the stars align, writing half of a book.
Peter Hildebrand

Peter Hildebrand
(Numbers 1 and 2 of Five Conspiracies That Nearly Brought Down the U.S. Government) is a student, freelance writer and minister (technically)
David King

David King
(Third Reich to Fortune 500: Five Popular Brands the Nazis Gave Us) is a world-renowned expert at the art of being mediocre. When he's not being sorta-funny at parties or hitting on chicks who think he's "pretty cool," he's busy being so-so in university.
Ben Joseph

Ben Joseph
(Four Ticking Time Bombs in Nature More Terrifying and Likely Than the Ones in Disaster Movies) is a writer and producer on staff at CollegeHumor. He's also had his work published by McSweeney's and written for the upcoming Cartoon Network sketch show based on MAD magazine, which kind of makes him a traitor, don't you think?