Q. Why did the boy
fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.
Q. What's the
definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Q. What's gray, sits
at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.
Q. What do you call a
female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.
Q. Why do only 10% of
women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Q. What goes: "CLICK
-is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.
Q. Why did God invent
yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an
annoying cunt.
Q. Did you hear about
the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.
Q. Why did the gay
guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.
Q. What do you get
when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy cock.
Q. Why is a
Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will
never be able to support you.
Q. Why are roach
clips called roach clips?
A. Because "pot holder" was already taken.
Q. What's the worst
part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your
phlegm...
Q. Why do women have
arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a
bathroom clean?
Q. Why is being in
the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q. What's the bad
news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Q. How are men like
noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and
they need dough.
Q. Why don't
Canadians have group sex?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
Q. Why are hangovers
better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. How many honest,
intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do
the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. What's the
difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a porn
video?
A. The porn video has better music!
Q. What's the best
part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A. You can drop her off where ever you want!
Q. How can you tell when an auto
mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in
the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. What's the biggest fish in the
world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Q. How can you tell if your
girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels
like you're feeding a horse.
Q. Have you heard about the new
'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they
take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'
Q. What is the difference between
a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Q. What's the difference between a
toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'
Q. Did you hear about the guy who
finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What's the difference between
Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.
Q. How do you confuse a female
archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's
from.
Q. Why does the bride always wear
white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?
Q. What's the difference between
parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley.
Q. What's green, slimy and smells
like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger
Q. What do you do with 365 used
rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q. What's the difference between
sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it
out.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown
out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning,
"Lie to me!"
Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting
any.
Q. What did the egg say to the
boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just
got laid a minute ago."
Q. What did the potato chip say to
the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Q. What's the best thing about a
blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!
Q. What's the difference between a
lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Q. What's another name for pickled
bread?
A. Dill-dough
Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull
down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: What do you call a lesbian
dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.
Q. What do the spice
girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the
same.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy
with his hand up a horses ass?
A. A Mechanic.
Q. What do you call an Alabama
farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.
Q. What do Eskimos get from
sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.
Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There's always a spare.
Q. What's brown and sits on a
piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.
Q. What do you call a nun with a
sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.
Q. What did one gay sperm say to
the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!
Q. Why do women wear black
underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night
before.
Q. How do you know
when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the
nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
Q. What is the
difference between a hockey game and a High School
reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Q. What do you call a
vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter
Q. What is the difference between
a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator,
goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the
bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
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