Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked
if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve
pieces."
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.
Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's
test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she
jumped into the back seat.
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to
blow up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their
brains out.
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's
park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q. What do you call a
swimming pool full of blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because, that's where you're supposed to wash
vegetables!
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of
water into those little packages.
Q. What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the
steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Because she blows the horn!
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.
Q. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A. Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by
10?
A. She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A. Grade 4.
Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.
Q. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A. Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a
refrigerator?
A. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull
your meat out of it.
Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of
forty?
A. A blonde parade.
Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A. She moved.
A blonde calls
her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can
you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he
replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I
can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the
box," he said. "There's always a picture of what
the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she
said. The husband arrives home and tells his
blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in
the box."
Back in the old
Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff
and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a
strong drink in the local saloon, when a man
walked into the bar with an Indian's head under
his arm.
The barman shakes
his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week
they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my
wife and killed my children."
He then says, "If any man brings me the head of
an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."
The two blondes looked at each other and walked
out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They
were walking around for a while when suddenly
they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the
Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off
his horse, but landed seventy feet down a
ravine.
The two blondes
made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled
out a knife to claim their trophy. Suddenly,
Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave
replied, "Not now, I'm busy." Jeff tugged him on
the shoulder and says, "I really think you
should look at this." Dave said, "Look, you can
see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my
hand." But Jeff was adamant.
"Please, Dave,
take a look at this." So Dave looked up and saw
that standing at the top of the ravine were five
thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head
and said, "Oh my God, we're going to be
millionaires!"
After a bizarre
cliff side accident, all eleven members of the
women's outing found themselves hanging
perilously from a rope over the edge of the
cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was
a brunette. After dangling there for a only a
short while it became obvious that the rope
would not hold all their collective weight. They
decided that to prevent the rope snapping and
killing them all, one of them must sacrifice
themselves and let go, to save the others.
Well they talked
about it for a while but no-one could decide a
fair way of of choosing who should jump.
Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the
indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if
nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.
To save the others
she bravely decided that it must be her who made
the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage
and told the others that she would jump to save
them.
After giving a
short but very moving speech that she hoped
would be remembered after she'd gone, the
blondes were so moved that they all started
clapping!
A young
ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to
entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going
through his usual run of dum blond jokes when a
big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her
chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about
enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What
makes you think you can stereotype women that
way? What do a person's physical attributes have
to do with their worth as a human being? It's
guys like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in my community, of
reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against not only blondes but
women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the
ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the
blond pipes up, "You stay out of this mister,
I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
Three women are
about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a
redhead, and one's a blond. Two guards brings
the brunette forward, and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests.
She says no, and
the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She
manages to escape. The angry guards then bring
the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests.
She says no, and
the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again,
everyone is startled and looks around. She too
escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had
figured out what the others did. The guards
bring her forward, and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests.
She also says no,
and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . .
."
The blond shouts, "fire!!"
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