Men are like......
they only show up when there's food on the
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
they're good in emergencies but usually just
they take so long to mature.
you need them in reproduction but that's about
fun to look at it but not all that bright.
without a lot of money they don't generate a lot
they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of
they're always hot and always in your hair.
if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.
keep one around long enough and your gonna want
to shoot it.
calls the police to report her husband is
missing. The police arrive and ask for a
description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches
tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that
makes everybody love him. The police then go to
the next door neighbor to verify this report and
the lady next door tells the police, "You can't
believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no
hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his
face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady
why she gave the police such a false report. She
replies, "Just because I reported him missing,
doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
Q. What is
the one thing that all fun men at singles bars have
A. They're married.
Q. What do
you call a woman who knows where her husband is
A. A widow.
Q. Why is
it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. How many
honest, intelligent, caring men in the world
does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of
becoming a human being.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do
they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Man says to
God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her
God says: "So she would love you."
people were hanging on a rope under a
helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was
not strong enough to carry them all, so they
decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they
are all going to fall. They were not able to
choose that person, but then the woman made a
very touching speech. She said that she would
voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman
she was used to giving up everything for her
husband and kids, and for men in general,
without ever getting anything in return. As soon
as she finished her speech, all the men started
clapping their hands.
A new bride
was a bit embarrassed to be known as a
honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled
up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any
way that they could make it appear that they had
been married a long time. He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"
was invited for dinner at a friend's house.
Every time the host needed something, he
preceded his request to his wife by calling her
"My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
His friend looked at him and said, "That's
really nice after all of these years you've been
married to keep saying those little pet names."
The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten