Fishing or
church
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his
Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that
the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if
anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going to go
fishing, but that his dad told him that he
needed to go to church instead. The teacher was
very impressed and asked the boy if his father
had explained to him why it was more important
to go to church rather than to go fishing. To
which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My
dad said that he didn't have enough bait for
both of us."
Fishing
rules
Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman
always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled,
the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man
but it won't make him truthful.
Going
fishing?
Bill: Hey Phil, are you going fishing?
Phil: Yeah!
Bill: Ya got worms?
Phil: Yeah, but I'm still going!
Good
salesman
A young zealous boy wanted desperately to work
at a department store. He approached the store
manager who responded they needed no help. Quite
persistent, the boy returned again and again
until the manager finally said "We're having a
holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and
you can give it a try." The elated boy returned
the following day and proceeded to sell. At the
end of the day the store manager called the
youngster over and asked how he had done. The
boy responded that he had sold $79,083.50 worth
of merchandise. The manager asked how he had
done so well. The young man said, "Well this guy
was going fishing to have some sports fun so I asked if he wanted some
fish hooks, he said sure, That is $1.50. I asked
if he had a nice fishing pole, he said no, so I
got a graphite extension pole for $43.50. Do you
have a nice reel, not yet replied the
customer... so I got him a nice quick release
reel for $35.00. I asked here he was going
fishing and he said Strawberry Reservoir. I told
him the best places to catch fish are near the
center, "Do you have a boat?" The man said he
didn't so I set him up with a nice outboard 30
foot cruiser for $28,000.00. Then I asked if he
had a trailer. He didn't, so I got him a double
axle trailer for $3,000.00. Then I asked what he
had to tow the boat. He only had a station
wagon, so I told him that just wouldn't do, but
we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram
dually, racked and packed with a tow package,
trailer hitch and everything for $48,000.00. He
wanted it all." As you can imagine the store
manager was astounded. "And to think it all
began with that man asking for a package of fish
hooks?" The boy replied, "Oh no, it all began
with him asking for some tampons which were
$3.50, so I replied, "Well you aren't going to
be doing much else this weekend, you might as
well go fishing!"
How much
tackle...
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate
before his wife throws him out?
I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly
there.
Husband
went fishing
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his
weekends near the river or lake, paying no
attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the
morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was
cold and raining, so he decided to return back
to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and
laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today
honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot
husband went fishing!" she replied.
Ice fishing
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman
drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the
hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish
down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another
hole and peered into the hole and again the
voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled
another hole and again the voice said, "There's
no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is
that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink
manager."
Interesting
bait
David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake
many times and had seen some other anglers
about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On
his first day of fishing he had no luck at all
but noticed that another fisherman near him that
was scooping in one after another. He had to
know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you
mind telling me what sort of bait you are
using?" he asked. The other man looked around a
bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and
quite by accident I found that human tonsil
works very well." David thanked the man, thought
about what sort of bait to try next time, and
left. The next day, David returned to the lake,
tried a different bait and still had no luck.
Just as the day before, there was yet a
different man reeling in fish after fish.
"Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest
a bait that I could try?" "Well, I can, but I am
not sure it will do you any good. I am using a
bit of human appendix." "Hmm," thought David. It
seemed that the fish in this lake would require
a little more effort than normal. He left,
willing to give the lake one more try. On the
third day, David still had no luck. As was
usual, there was yet another man near him
bringing in fish left and right. David wanted to
confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir,
but are you a doctor?"
"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.
Irish
priest fisherman
An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an
obsession of his. So far this year the weather
had been so bad that he hadn't had a chance to
get his beloved waders on and his favorite flies
out of their box. Strangely though, every Sunday
the weather had been good, but of course Sunday
is the day he has to go to work. The weather
forecast was good again for the coming Sunday so
he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost
his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked
him to take over his sermon. The fly fishing
priest drove fifty miles to a river near the
coast so that no one would recognize him. An
angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw
what the priest was doing. He told God who
agreed that he would do something about it.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish
mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the
priest ran up and down the river bank fighting
the fish. At the end when he finally landed the
monster size fish it turned out to be a world
record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let
him catch that huge fish? I thought you were
going to teach him a lesson." God replied "I
did. Who do you think he's going to tell?"
Likes
fishing because...
I think the only reason my husband likes to go
fishing so much is that it's the only time he
hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
Mother to
daughter advice
Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him
for the whole weekend.
New fly rod
and reel
I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife...
...best trade I ever made.
No gators
Last winter, while sports fishing off the
Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. The
guy could swim, but his fear of alligators kept
him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an
old beachcomber standing on the shore, the
tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around
here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they
ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the
tourist started swimming leisurely toward the
shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,
"How did you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't
do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks
got 'em."
Only one
man could catch fish
No one in this town could catch any fish except
this one man.
The game warden asked him how he did it so the
man told the game warden that he would take him
fishing the next day... Once they got to the
middle of the lake the man took out a stick of
dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water.
After the explosion fish started floating to the
top of the water. The man took out a net and
started picking up the fish. The game warden
told him that this was illegal. The man took out
another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then
handed it to the game warden and said " are you
going to fish or talk?"
Out of
season, no license
The fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman
who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout
as a stranger approaches and asks "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10
out of this stream yesterday" he boasts.
"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?"
asks the stranger.
"Nope." "Well, meet the new game warden."
"Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know
who I am?"
"Nope".
"Meet the biggest liar in the state."
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