“Not My Blog” Final Guest Post: We ALL Have Issues
by Eden on September 6, 2011
I’m in Washington DC on a layover back home (thanks Dulles Airport for the free wifi!)
What a long trip and break from blogging it has been!
This is the final guest post in my “Not My Blog” guest post series. I’ll be back tomorrow with all sorts of shenanigans from my trip.
Thank you to all the lovely guest posters that offered to help me out as I unplugged from technology.
So I leave you today with the first person who ever guest posted on my blog. A REAL friend who calls me when I’m in the ER having a nervous meltdown in front of straight, hot, male nurses. She likes oatmeal, but I’ll let it pass.
So I give you, Abby:
Hello!
I tried to tell Eden that her readers are already sick of reading my rants in the comment section of her blog, but she still asked me to do a guest post, so you can blame her for what’s to follow.
My blog is “Abby Has Issues,” a little tiny corner of the Interwebs that I use to run mental marathons in yoga pants and document my brilliant insights.
More accurately, I pretty much make fun of myself and my issues—everything from wanting to be a consolation prize wife to my weekly adventures with old people.
And while I talked about eating disorder/OCD things when I started my blog a couple of years ago, I don’t talk about those issues much anymore. (Instead, I just use Eden’s comment section to voice an opinion no one asked for.)
Eden's Note: Don't fret, Abby and Eden aren't this kind of OCD
It’s not that I don’t still have some of those issues, but rather that I have much more interesting things to talk about, as being sick is about the most uninteresting thing I’ve ever done. Most of my readers aren’t part of what I’ll call the “FoodBuzz community,” and so I don’t feel like they would really understand the drama over missing a workout or an unnatural preoccupation with food. I wouldn’t expect them to, and I also don’t have the energy to try and explain something that you have to live to understand.
But my point is that they can often lend an interesting perspective to things when I do bring up an issue about food. There have been recent posts in which I mentioned food—one on how I don’t cook and one not apologizing for what I like to eat—that garnered some interesting private emails and comments.
The gist was that those with an eating disorder background or history of my own saw those posts as a justification of “behaviors” and an excuse to stay in a disordered mindset. Those with no history saw those posts as healthy food options and simply added in their own two cents about what they liked to eat. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but the fact that some read the posts with a skewed view and assumptions—albeit slightly correct on some level—kind of pissed me off.
Why?
Well, first because they were a little right with some things. I don’t have a “normal” relationship with food and I probably never will, seeing as there really is no “normal” relationship with food—just varying degrees of weirdness.
But also because I do like oatmeal (gasp!)
In fact, I also like vegetables and fruit, don’t eat meat and sometimes when I don’t think my stomach can handle dairy, I will make banana soft serve. While I have to keep myself in check, I do like exercise, be it walks or yoga or lifting some weights. I honestly like these things, and I shouldn’t have to hide that I do.
I bring this up because we often make fun of the “big” blogs for their obsessive oatmeal love and marathon training sessions, and in my opinion, they’re annoying as hell. Who eats ¼ c. of oatmeal and works out three hours a day? However, that’s just me projecting (my current form of cardio.)
But just as those bloggers might shun “real” chocolate or rest days, there’s also a slight stigma associated with liking “normal” things, things like oatmeal, vegetables, exercise, etc. It’s almost as if there can be no middle ground, with assumption attached to it from either side.
In my humble opinion, liking bacon does not make you evil, just as liking oatmeal does not make you a saint or disordered.
Liking exercise does not make you inherently obsessive, just as choosing to take gentle walks and do yoga instead does not make you lazy.
You should never have to apologize for what you like or don’t like, as that’s what makes you you. (And if it just so happens that what makes some people “them” is extremely annoying, we all have the option to click or walk away.)
As with everything, it’s moderation and how it’s presented. Be respectful enough to know that we all come from different places with everything. If there is concern about something, approach the topic with class and sensitivity, not a place of judgment.
Oatmeal is food just like bacon.
Exercise is natural just like resting.
We all have our own issues.
Let’s hold hands, sing “Kumbaya” and hug it out.
Since Eden insists on a question at the end of these things, I’ll throw out this one: “Do you ever feel like you have to hide your healthy habits? (You really like salad? Psh.)
Conversely, do you ever feel like you have to hide things you like that might be deemed “unhealthy” buy a certain group of people?”
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{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
Abby, high five! I love your perspective.
Since I am on Weight Watchers, there are some people in my sphere who think that having a piece of blueberry pie must certainly fall beyond the boundaries of my “diet.” They’re wrong, but it’s a popular misconception. I enjoy letting them know it’s perfectly okay, while I scoop up a forkful with a dab of chocolate ice cream and enjoy every delicious bit of it. I’m done hiding.
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Woo-hoo! High five to you as well!
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Eden, would you please enable the “get updates via e-mail” option for your blog? I love me some blog updates via e-mail with my morning coffee.
Welcome back stateside. 
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I definitely feel that pressure sometimes. My family will say things like “aren’t you supposed to be healthy?” when I have ice cream, but at the same time I get made fun of when I eat wheat bagels for breakfast instead of bacon. It’s aggravating!
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I don’t really get that upset about it anymore, but I think it’s basically just people who feel a bit insecure about themselves projecting a bit. On the other hand, sometimes people just want something to say to fill the silence. I say stuff a bagel in their mouth and call it good
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pretty sure many in the “Foodbuzz Community” have an unnatural preoccupation with food…
and now I’m reinforcing your point. we all have issues!
it IS all about respect, moderation and presentation (AND I think many blogs are targets of criticism because of their conceited presentation. at least those are the ones who I give the side eye – the combination of 10 photos of themselves + the me Me ME commentary).
again my confidence (who knows WHERE I got it!) and do what I want approach makes me oblivious to opinions of my food choices. when I do receive opposition, I consider the source, then approach in one of two ways – short and simple explanation my reasons, or if they are just snarky, I respond with equal snark or nothing.
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GREAT POST, Abby!!
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“The combination of 10 photos of themselves + the me Me ME commentary.” Oh good lord. I think I just pulled a muscle rolling my eyes, as that’s kind of what gets me the most. It’s not just with blogging either, but with Facebook, Twitter, etc.
I also think that when you put yourself out there–post every piece of gum you chew–you’re putting yourself out there for criticism when you do come off as “holier than thou.” Because I never do that and have never preached about being a vegetarian or exercising, I just think it stinks when people feel the need to add in snide comments about my choices.
Like you said, it’s all the source, so I don’t let it get to me. I like what I like and know when to call “bull shit” on myself. Oatmeal is good, dessert is good, exercise is good, etc. when your motivation comes from a healthy place. People who snark about it can go fly a kite
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GREAT post! Love it. Amen, sista.
I am with you on all the liking healthy stuff thing. I sort of waffle back and forth between wanting to blog about how much I like to exercise and am so happy to be doing it after 2 years of weird…but I also want to explore some of the deeper “issues” that surround culture, standards, eating disorders, addiction…PMS, poop, anti-depressants. real shit. But then I feel like I am putting too much out there and go back to a safe post. Sometimes I delete my too honest posts. I have yet to really find my voice.
As for the big bloggers – they just don’t appeal to me. I was never the sorority type. Nuff said. And, pulease! I was putting nut-butter in oatmeal in the womb, biatches!
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I also waffle (no pun intended) between wanting to still post about my bad days and my issues, but I’ve found that for me, my blog is a healthier hobby when I can rant about the things that make me “me” outside of those struggles. There are times I’ll still bring things up if they’re relevant–I don’t hide anything ever–but I keep more off the blog and talk to those I’m closest to instead. It’s nice to know that support is there though.
And big 10-4 on the “big” bloggers, whatever that means. I don’t care if you have five readers or 5,000–if you’re real, I dig it. To each their own.
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ha! yeah, there really are no norma/typicall relationships when it comes to food. food is a multi-dimensional and multi-purpose entity, so there’s no simplistic way to deal with it.
sometimes i feel like i have to hide how much i eat….it’s not that i eat mass quantities, i just eat VERY frequently. i don’t like having alot in my tummy at once
and yeah, even though i can’t eat gluten/dairy/wheat/eggs, and only have meat about once a month-people freak when i have bacon. c’mon….it’s BACON!!
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It took me awhile to get over the fact that I eat so much more than “normal” people do, but I just remember that we all have our own needs and preferences for things. What ticks me off is when people comment on the times I choose something stereotypically healthy over something they might prefer instead. It’s assumed it’s associated to my history instead of my current preferences.
To that I shrug, as I would rather eat what makes me feel best instead of eating what makes someone else happy. They’ll get over it!
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You are such an amazing writer, Abby! You pull me in to your stories every time. Even though I don’t always relate, you use words to help me understand so much more. Thank you.
In regards to your post, I’ve never felt ashamed of the way I eat, mostly because I’ve eaten the same way my whole life. I think that may be the ticket – nothing has every really manipulated my eating habits too much to really mess with my relationship with food. But I do think that there are those times (um, stress!) where every person feels some sort of emotion in regards to food. But usually it’s related to something completely other than food. Does that make sense?
And in response to what Heather said above me, sometimes I do get embarrassed about how often I eat as well, but only when others comment on it. I don’t judge you, so don’t judge me please!
Hearts to you,
Susan
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I always love your comments Susan. I’ve never felt ashamed of what I eat either–whether it’s “healthy” or not, if I’m eating it, I’m unapologetic because it’s what I want to eat. I just think sometimes people think in such extremes and that there can be no middle ground, which can be frustrating.
When someone at work suddenly eats a salad for the first time in a month, I don’t feel the need to comment. If I take a piece of chocolate from the front desk, I swear that they send out a memo.
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Gosh, if someone sent out a memo every time I ate chocolate they’d have to set up a separate email folder.
Maybe they are jealous that you eat it without shame – as you should!
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Awesome post! Blogging and/or trying to live a healthy life can be a double edged sword sometimes. I find that sometimes I don’t talk/blog about my daily exercise because there are those in my life who worry I over do it and then I worry that I don’t do enough compared to other bloggers. I do that with food too. The good thing about my thoughts is that I automatically dismiss them because I know my body and what I need to do to keep it healthy and energized.
Can’t wait to check out your blog, Abby
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That’s great you in such a healthy place with your choices, as I wish everyone would realize that we all come from different places and have different needs. What I eat and do shouldn’t affect what you do and vice versa. That’s why it’s great that there are so many different blogs and personalities. It keeps things interesting!
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Oh good lord, I hear you girl!
I’ve shown a recipe on my blog and instead of “Oh, that looks good” or whatever I get many comments detailing what is “wrong” with it. That it needs carbs or “perhaps you should add fats” and etc. Sometimes the comments are rude. When all I wanted to do was share, for example, a neat way I found to make a vegetable.
I don’t mind though…because they do have a point — but, yes, I feel like if you admit to having a food issue people get upset when you want to eat a salad. Mostly the comments are from love and concern rather than attack.
Kum. Bay. Amen!
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I agree that sometimes I can’t blame them. I gave them a reason to worry for a long time, but at the same time, what the hell? Can’t a girl eat vegetables? Perhaps it will just take more time. Until then, I shall sing Kumbaya.
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And as Eden points out — if you don’t want comments then don’t post pictures of your skinny-azz self eating lettuce. #guiltyascharged.
So on my little blog there is just cause. I still can’t fathom why people would get their panties wedged at you. Because your food issues are not a main focus of your blog. Not at all. It’s like they’d have to be sniffing for signs of trouble.
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I try not to hide my likes or dislikes but sometimes it’s hard around my family who saw me through my eating disorder and are forever on the lookout for warning signs.
And I refuse to hide my obsessive love of the Cheesecake Factory.
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Ummm…and you shouldn’t! No one should hide their love for food. Enjoy it, sister friend!
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I forgot to thank Eden for letting me post, even if it bored the hell out of her readers. And because I always feel the need to clarify, my point was that it doesn’t matter if you love oatmeal or eat M&Ms and Diet Coke for dinner, own it unapologetically and be you
The end.
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