It's the only way to be

You live for love, don't you, said the friend.
I don't remember what I said, but I know
at once I recalled Judit, who had offered
her delicate tattooed forearm to me
as if she were offering tea and scones.  
Auschwitz, Birkenau, Hessisch Lichtenau—
she'd come through, somehow,
unbowed and unbroken and
radiant with the rarest kindness, born only
from the unimaginable.

When I traced the cruel inked numerals
steeped in her rice paper skin I wept.
She smiled and hushed me gently.
Which one do you play?
she asked me.

We were thespians then, a new show
in Portland, Maine, resistance fighters
of the Holocaust, my hair shorn
to a half-inch. Which one are you?
she repeated. Guess, I had said.
One look into my eyes, sad despite
so very much luck, such fortune
(and those were the happy times). 

You are the young lover, are you not?
Yes. I can see it. You, the beautiful 
young lover. I can tell. 
​One of the other
actors spoke then: She's our own
Isabella Rossellini. 


Judit sighed. Ah, to be the lover.
She patted my cheek,
touched my lips with trembling hand.
It's the only way to be.

Jennifer Mattern
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He hadn't asked for orchids

On the table in the home they have shared 

for more years than I am old, 
he serves pancakes, his specialty,
golden and certain and round.

She is with us, surely, we know it and we don't.

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Jennifer Mattern
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Your pillow

Your pillow, my love
lies untouched, tells me nothing.
No mail, no call. Who?

Jennifer Mattern
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I am big, it's the pictures that got small

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​All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup.

Jennifer Mattern
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You could tell her

You could tell her that someday she'll be standing at a sink
scrubbing the three-day old pot, thinking about a boy 
she used to know but doesn't dare mention.

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Jennifer Mattern
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Daily news

Last night Sir James came upstairs for the first time. In life, his bad hips prevented him from making the climb. At bedtime, I gently carried his floral tin of ashes to my room and set him by the bed. I placed one smooth black stone from Iceland on the tin.

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Jennifer Mattern
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You don't come around

You don't come around,
she says 
over her basket of clean laundry
below the horizon of clothesline 
and rose gold. She doesn't know
what tone to take anymore so 
her fingers do the talking now,
sifting through her apron pocket
of wooden clothespin soldiers.

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Jennifer Mattern
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C'mon talk

Oh, Jarle, my Norwegian earworm!

Jennifer Mattern
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The not-asking

When you ask her
where her shoes are,
she tells you finally,
haltingly
that she's outgrown
them all. 

Turns out she's been wearing her 
battered, torn snowboots to class
for two months, maybe three.
She's been wearing them 
all the time, whatever the weather.

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Jennifer Mattern

Valentine to my songbird

"Are you crying?" asks my songbird.

She leans in my bedroom doorway wrapped in a bath towel. Damp and pale and shining, she has just emerged from what she would call an "epical" (epic + magical) shower, where she's been singing for 45 minutes.

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Jennifer Mattern
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Argument against a virtue

The mug of white warmed milk. The overbred, ribboned dog. The kiss unkissed, or too dry, too tame. This life belongs to the wretched, the dirty. There's no sense in mending it, not now. Your life is no less or more a life than that of the woman hanging her husband's bleached boxers in the sun for the sixtieth, seventieth, hundredth time. What she remembers, you will never know.
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Jennifer Mattern