Okay, that didn’t sound right. Then again, a good quickie requires little knowledge, a desire to have fun, and a couple of minutes. On the flip side, these are quickies that involve the Undead and Tentacles. Screw it, let’s keep running with the metaphor. Screw it, get it? So, Steve Jackson Games once again sucks us gamers out of our money with the promise of cheap and easy fun. Sure, the fun is simple as hell, but sometimes you don’t want deep. You just want fun. Okay, I really need to stop with the uber innuendos.

First up…

Cthulhu Dice - The premise. You’re a cultist. The other Cultists are total dicks and you want them to go insane before you do. I mean, you don’t want to not go insane, you are a Cthulhu Cultist, but still. No one wants to be the jack-ass that loses their marbles first. As the rules promise, it takes about 30 seconds to learn and about 20 minutes to play (sober). The game comes with 18 glass Sanity Tokens and the coolest looking D12 ever. I mean, seriously, the D12 is the loneliest of all dice. But, Steve Jackson Games and Cthulhu Dice makes that lone D12 look sexy. And thick. And purple. And…um… Covered in tentacles. (I guess the D12 comes in other colors, but unless you want to shill out the glow in the dark version, stick with thick and purple one). To play the game, all you need is two or more players (more is better).

I could go into the rules, but they are so freakin’ simple, all I’d be doing was coping them. Here are the basics. Roll the D12, name a Victim, roll a tentacle and steal take a Sanity Token from the poor sucker. Roll an Elder Sign, take from Cthulhu (assuming it has any to provide). Roll Cthulhu. All lose sanity. Muwahahahaha! Repeat until you’re the most sane or all go mad and fall victim to the Great and Terrible Cthulhu! For less than $6, you’ve got hours of bone rollin’ insanity! (And, that sexy purple D12).

Quick, commercial break.

Now, back to the show.

Zombie Dice - Coming in a thick and stumpy tube, Zombie Dice requires you give it a good shake and reach in deep for goo! (Okay, I gotta’ stop. It’s just so addicting. A-dict-ting. Ha)! Like Cthulhu Dice, Zombie Dice takes 30 seconds to learn and about 10 minutes to play. Indeed, for having more dice, Zombie Dice might actually take even less time to learn. The premise? Simple. You’re a zombie. You love brains. You’re annoyed by runners, but you really hate taking a shotgun blast to the face. A couple of folks are good with guns, a few more are good at running, but thankfully most are good and panicking and dying. That make sense? Good, then you’re ready to play Zombie Dice. First zombie to collect 13 brains wins the game and ends the world. (Okay, not the world part, but it sure would rock). So, here’s the break down. Zombie Dice has 13 dice (and costs $13.13, see a trend)? Anyway, there are 5 easy kill Green Dice with lots of Brain symbols (think of the folks killed in the opening credits of Zombieland). 4 Yellow Dice with a perfect balance of Brain, Escape, and Shotgun to the face symbols (think Not Michael Cera guy from Zombieland). Finally, 3 Red Dice with only one Brain, couple of Escapes, and a grip of Shotguns to the face (in keeping with this tired ass example, the Red Dice are Woody Harrelson in Zombieland). Fine Aaron, good lord, you said this game was even easier than Cthulhu Dice, why the frak is this review taking longer? Because! I like zombies and I want to stretch it out.

Fine. Put all the dice in the tube, shake it up. Reach in without looking, grab three dice and roll them. If you get three brains, huzzah! Those are yours. If you get Feet symbols, those guys escape. If you get a blast image, yup, Shotgun to the face. But, you’re a tough chunk ‘o Zed and can take 3 hits. But, say you get a mix of Brains, Feet, and Blast? Well, you keep the Brains, but you gotta’ keep the Blast to the face as well, and if you decide to go hunting some more; the feet stay in your hand and you grab two more dice and roll. Here’s the catch, you take three blasts to the face on your turn, you lose all the brains you collected this turn. So, if you want to avoid a 12-gauge whammy, you can bank the brains and pass the tube of dice. Repeat until someone eats 13 brains. That person wins and is the LORD OF THE UNDEAD! Again, another fantastic game for a group of friends to play. Good for all ages, but even better when you’re tossing back some brews with friends. And, like Cthulhu Dice, Zombie Dice are portable. Indeed, no true gamer should leave the house without either game.

That’s it people. For less than $20, you can get Two Quickies from Steve Jackson Games.

Get ‘em!