Hey O!
Meet O. O is a crown tail male betta from Petsmart, which I now know is NOT the pet store chain with the dog biscuit buffet (because I asked the Petsmart guy where the doggy buffet was and he informed me that it’s located at another store; I real cool).
What’s that in O’s bowl? Obviously, it’s an underwater beehive. Bees flourish underwater. I know this because they all are extremely smiley about their lot in life.
O isn’t so sure. He’s been hanging out near the top of his tank, either mesmerized by the circulating water and the pretty lights — or preparing to die. (I might be a bit fish-paranoid at this point.)
Contrary to popular belief, O was not named after the magazine Oprah “writes.” O is named after a blue owl character from the Mister Roger’s Neighborhood spinoff. Because he’s blue. Get it?
Good luck, O! May your water be warm and your days go into the double digits.
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Posted in pet screwups
Tagged here fishy fishy fishy, o yeah baby, that guy at petsmart sure knew a lot about petco, the bees knees
Clifford Takes a Break
The next day:
Rest in peace, little fishy. I thought I would have a long time ahead of us to use your little fishy blog tags…
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Posted in pet screwups
Tagged clifford the big red fish, here fishy fishy fishy, never clean the water, we have all learned a valuable lesson
ME & THE B
In surfing through various news sites, I came across headlines such as:
- State GOP chairman under fire for pro-gay marriage stance
- Hillsborough schools get $8.7 million in state recognition funds
- Daly City schools to distribute condoms to high school students
- Unemployment at 4-Year Low as U.S. Hiring Gains Steam
- United Way of Greater Cleveland exceeds its $41 million fundraising goal
- Oklahoma workers’ comp bill “unworkable” as written, advisory board says
- Federal cuts could close Felts air traffic tower
- Supreme court denies Omaha man’s final appeal
- Homicide suspect was ‘adventurous, mischievous, with a mean streak,’ middle-school classmate recalls
Then there’s the Fargo Forum.
The biggest news of Thursday, March 7, 2013, was license plates. Sure, there was a shooting, and a big reefer bust, but more importantly: VANIT PL8S!
North Dakota must have the highest per capita vanity plate ownership of any state. It might be because the population is small enough that you can get whatever you want on a plate. Or that some of the conservatives at the Department of Motor Vehicles are so out of it that they don’t catch all of the naughty-naughty chatspeak being communicated through cars’ rear ends.
That’s why they set up a committee of teenagers to tell them who’s doing it wrong so they can confiscate those pl8s! And they WILL get those pl8s back. Yes, they will.
Among the many, many, many vanity pl8s I saw yesterday as I drove from my home in the much-less-vain state of Minnesota to my job in North Dakota (love you, North Dakota xoxo) was one that read 87CUTTY. It was on a Cutlass Supreme. An old, tired looking 1987 Cutlass Supreme. I salute you and your savings account, 87CUTTY.
Come on. Who will fess up that they actually OWN a vanity pl8? Or in other words, ME & THE B, please step forward. I know you are reading this and I NEED to know who you are.
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Posted in other peoples' screw-ups
Tagged another brilliant idea, fargo, fargo forum, license pl8s, me & the b, this is news in north dakota
Gobs of Gum
I cannot resist a great deal. I took Sigourney to the grocery store yesterday as a pick-your-own fruit snacks bribe to get her to put her coat on at school — yes, the bribes have sunk to a new low; a fruit snack low. (And also because I needed breakfast cereal and whipped cream.)
There was an unbelievable sale on gum! Fifty cents a pack! I stuck a few packs in the cart and continued on my way. Then I swung back around to the gum and picked up a few more. Then…a few more.
How often do you see such a great deal on gum?
Sigourney was counting the gum as we shopped. “Fourteen gums?” she asked me, completely astonished by my gum consumption power. “Thazza lotta gum,” she wisely observed.
Maybe if I hold onto this gum long enough, it’s value will go up and I can sell it on eBay for like a dollar a pack plus seven dollars shipping (combined shipping available; see dealer for details). How could this plan go wrong?
And yes, I am crazy.
About gum.
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Posted in diet screw-ups
Tagged deal of the century, gum, hornbachers, I chew chew chews you, investments that are sure to fail, obligatory seinfeld reference, that's a lot of gum
That Angsty Toddler Music Scene
The kids these days really don’t know anything about good music. This morning, I listened to some of the worst melody/lyric composition I have ever heard in my whole life. It went a little something like this:
I want my daddy!
I don’t want you!
I want my daddy!
I want out da car!
I want daddy take me to school!
I don’t like you!
I want my daddy!
And it was long. Like Metallica long. Like Pink Floyd long. Like Meatloaf long. Looong.
I named the song “Pitchfork to My Soul.”
I’m going to listen to it again on the way home.
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Posted in art screw-ups
Tagged i want my dada, life is unfair, music, sounds like meatloaf, things you do not want to hear when you are driving on slippery roads, toddlers
The Wheels on the Cow Go Crash Crash Crash
Do you think the people in China making all of our cheap plastic junk wonder about the consumers they are producing for?
I present to you:
Hard plastic farm animals on wheels.
This educational toy teaches the children the dynamic relationship between the invention of wheels and the animals who have them in lieu of legs.
At our house, we like to play The Crash Game with the wheeled barnyard creatures. This basically involves racing your rolling sheep toward your opponent’s rolling chicken and seeing if they collide or not. If they crash, well…hilarity ensues. Obviously.