CONTACT
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gipoco.com
is neither affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible
for its contents. This is a safe-cache copy of the original web site.
45 thoughts on “CONTACT”
So i heard you’ve done all the greek myths
Nuh uh bro, that’s not gonna fly
there are like, 10 billion of these things
Because when its a little fucking humid outside
There is some divine reasoning
And a small town of demi-god bastard children are born
Now this shit is some good shit, I hope you enjoy it
(I honestly have no idea if you’ve done this or not)
The Wanderings of Dionysus
Once he had grown to manhood Dionysus decided to wander far and wide, including areas outside of greece. Where ever he went he taught men how to cultivate vines, and the mysteries of his cult. He was accepted until he returned to his own country of Thebes.
As he journeyed back to greece he was spotted by pirates. He appeared to them as a rich young man. He might even be the son of a king. He certainly looked like his parents would pay a rich ransom for his safe return. Happy at their good luck the pirates siezed him and brought him aboard their ship. They then attempted to tie him to the ship but, the ropes refused to hold. Anyplace a rope touched him it just fell apart. Dionysus watched calmly, smiling.
After some time the helmsman realized that only a god could be responsible. He called out that the crew should free Dionysus and beg his forgiveness. But, the captain mocked the helmsman as a fool and called for the crew to set sail. The crew raised the sail and caught the wind but, the ship did not move. Looking around they saw the ship quickly becoming overgrown with vines that held it fast. Dionysus then changed himself into a lion and began to chase the crewmen. To escape they leaped overboard but, as they did they were changed to dolphins. Only on the helmsman did Dionysus have mercy.
As he passed through Thrance he was insulted by King Lycurgus, who bitterly opposed his new religion. Initialy Dionysus retreated into the sea but, he returned, overpowered Lycurgus and imprisoned him in a rocky cave. Dionysus planned to let him reflect and learn from his mistakes. However, Zeus did not care to have the gods insulted, so he blinded then killed Lycurgus.
He pressed on to Thebes, ruled by his cousin Pentheus. However, Pentheus did not know of Dionysus. Dionysus was with a group of his followers, who were naturally singing and dancing loudly, flushed with wine. Pentheus disliked the loud, strangers, and ordered his guards to imprison them all. He refered to their leader as a cheating sorcerer from Lydia. When he said this the blind old phophet Teiresias, who had already dressed as one of Dionysus’s followers gave Pentheus a warning: “The man you reject is a new god. He is Semele’s child, whom Zeus rescued. He, along with Demeter, are the greatest upon earth for men.” Pentheus, seeing the strange garb Teiresias had on, laughed at him and ordered his guards to continue.
The guards soon found that ropes fell apart, latches fell open, and there they could not imprison Dionysus’s followers. The took Dionysus to Pentheus. Dionysus tried to explain at length his worship but, Pentheus listened only to his own anger and insulted Dionysus. Finally, Dionysus gave up and left Pentheus to his doom.
Pentheus persued Dionysus followers up into the hills where they had gone after walking away from his prison. Many of the local women including Pentheus’s mother and sister had joined them there. Then Dionysus appeared to his followers in his most terrible aspect and drove them mad. To them Pentheus appeared to be a moutain lion. In a berserk rage they attacked him. Now Pentheus realized he had fought with a god and would die for it. His mother was the first to reach him, and ripped his head off, while the others tore off his limbs.
And I very obviously put this in the wrong place…
Idiot
DUDE BRO!!!! continue to do that whole story telling thing, you kick ass!!!
would contact you by email if you werent a dick and forget to leave one. Oh, and would totally buy the book and video.
Did you miss the huge allcaps link that says “SEND ME EMAILS?” That might be a good place to look for my email.
Dude, add some Basque mythology! TY!!
I just discovered this yesterday so I haven’t read all of these beautiful stories but I’m curious to know if you have written about the Japanese myth where Amaterasu’s brother Susano shows up and fucks everything up to the point Amaterasu decides to have a massive tantrum and go into hiding and they had to lure her out with a massive stripper party
It is not on this website, but it WILL be in my book, which is coming out in March.
I like your style, dude.
Apparently there’s a version of Sleeping Beauty called Talia, the Sun and the Moon. If you could look this up and retell the story in your super cool way, I would explode with gratitude. Also, if I concinve my friend, would it be okay if we did some readings for Youtube? I’ll let you know more if I can get her to agree
Yeah!
I know this is a myth site but could you please do a review for the Avengers movie because I loved your review of the movie Thor?
HORRY SHEET IN WHAT MONTH MAY I FIND THIS REVIEW?!?
as far as hindu myths go, would you do the mahabhrata?
i think some blind goddess gives birth to a bowling ball somewhere in it.
This video KINDA reminded me of your style. It’s all about Star Wars and stuff. Either way it’s funny.
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FJTCYdZTj2A
Hey dude I heard rumor on the wind that some of your great retellings would be collected in physical format. Is this true? If so will I be able to throw my money at you for such a thing before Christmas this year?
P.S. Keep rocking!
please do the song of roland.
I was going to say do roland
but that wasn’t quite what i meant
unless you’re into spilled brains
but maybe you are
kthxbai
Dude. Have you read The Life of Patrick by Muirchú? It’s pure sparkling lemon scented madness, we are talking about Nordic levels of squirrely nut sauce only it’s about St. Patrick. Oh, and he just happens to kill way more people than it’s probably okay for a saint to kill.
You should do Lokka Tattur. It’s Loki saving some kid because Odin didn’t feel like it.
www.northvegr.org/misc%20primary%20sources/lokka_tattur/index.html
I have found Nirvana, Valhalla, and my Shadow wrotes! This is beyond brilliant. Stone of the Rose and not blush Rosetta.
I bow!
You accept requests for fables right? I noticed that you don’t have many Aesop fables and I intend to remedy that. Here is a website – www.aesopfables.com/aesop1.html
This one is my personal favorite – www.aesopfables.com/cgi/aesop1.cgi?1&TheBellyandtheMembers
oops! That version of the belly fable is super crap. Here is a better one (from the same site)- www.aesopfables.com/cgi/aesop1.cgi?1&TheBellyandtheMembers2
Can you do the Dead Sea Scrolls? Especially Enoch? Shit is confusing.
A retelling of the Satyricon make me so happy.
Hey o-most-awesome-story-retelling-dude-with-the-cool-name, I was checking through the fairytale category (and totally laughing my ass off) and I noticed a certain story that should totally be there wasn’t! If you could rectify this fact it would be so beyond super-ultra-fantastic. It’s a cool story too, it’s got drugs and parties and dancing and beheading and sneaking out and invisibility and like a dozen princes (literally) cuz everyone knows it’s not a fairytale without some princes up in there am I right. www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/TwelDanc.shtml
I just discovered this site and would love to browse through the posts, but is there some way to find out what stories each of these posts are about, if I’m not familiar with them?
You should totally cover the story of El Cid. Although he, like Alcibiades and Themistocles, is kind of a giant dick, this guy ends up beloved by both the Spaniards and the Moors and even ends up establishing permanent control over Valencia. He is, perhaps, the biggest WTF of the Reconquista — a period full of countless WTFs.