It’s pretty safe to say that things aren’t going too well for Chad Johnson right now. The 34-year old receiver has probably played his last days in the NFL, as the Miami Dolphins have cut him in the wake of – but not necessarily because of – his arrest for domestic assault on his wife, Evelyn Lozada Ochocinco, and their VH1 reality show has also been canceled. Seeing as this is the second time that Johnson has dealt with domestic violence charges – the first incident occurred in 2000 – it’s safe to say the NFL won’t look too favorably upon Johnson playing for some time.
This fall from grace has caused some people to look back to a comment that Johnson made recently, as he declared that if the Dolphins cut him, he’d probably turn to a life in pornography. Joke or not, that can now be his reality, as the people at PornHub are offering Johnson a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
This is an actual letter that PornHub’s executives have sent to Johnson:
August 14, 2012
Dear Mr. Johnson,
I hope this letter finds you well. First off, we would like to applaud you on the name change – although it’s not the one we initially had in mind as you might well remember.
Allow me to get down to the real reason I am reaching out to you on behalf of our company, Pornhub.com (the premier destination for online adult entertainment). Your recent misfortunes have caught our eye, and while we regret to learn about the hard luck that’s come your way, we would once again like to lend you a helping hand in your time of need.
In short, we are extending an offer to you and your beautiful wife Evelyn to create a “makeup” sex video exclusively for use on our site. As proof of your participation in the video, we would simply need you to film an introductory scene in which you and your wife state your names and intents for the camera. Once again, we believe that this partnership would truly be beneficial for both parties.
In return for your willingness to cooperate, we will gladly compensate you to the tune of $100,000.
Again, we truly appreciate your consideration of our offer and look forward to the possibility of working together soon.
All the best,
Corey Price
I have zero interest in watching that makeup sex tape, unless we can get Kayden Kross to play Chad Johnson and Andy San Dimas to play Evelyn Lozada… wait, no. Evelyn can play herself. Sorry, I don’t want to deprive anyone of new career paths. My point is, if you had told me a year ago that we’d reach a point that Terrell Owens was employed by an NFL team and Chad Johnson was fielding porn offers, I would have laughed.
Only because I would have thought they’d be co-starring in “Angelina Castro Visits the Eiffel Tower”.
I knew the NFL Network showing that Not Even Once commercial six times an hour was going to lead to no good.
At least this promises to be less embarrassing than Joe Philbin talking about “football issues”.
Wait, that’s meth isn’t it.
One is too many? 1 is 2 many? Anyways, keep doing meth.