Joeblade

Paul Haine's website since 2000
251,096 words and counting

  1. My 2015 film highlights

    As usual at this time of year, I've picked 20 highlights from all the films I saw during 2015, this time from a pool of 227 candidates. The only rule I follow is that I saw the film during 2015, though this year there's only a bit of an overlap with 2014 so that probably isn't all that important. →

  2. Breakfast at Granger & Co. Ottolenghi Daylesford

    Generally, I try not to get into queues with people who don't mind they're in a queue. A queue is an obstacle between you and your destination, and if you don't mind queuing, you clearly don't care that much about the destination, in which case why don't you just fuck off and queue somewhere else where you're not in everybody's way? Form a circle outside somewhere and get everyone to step forward once a minute if this is what you're about. →

  3. Marvel’s Jessica Jones

    Ostensibly set in the same Hell's Kitchen as Daredevil but actually sharing very little in terms of tone, location or character, Jessica Jones comes with a solid noir atmosphere and is free of comic book hijinks, with its gritty tone, violence, sex, and themes of rape, abortion and survivor guilt. Despite this, the show avoids bleakness for bleakness's sake, and is one of Marvel's stronger productions thanks to a great cast and an originality that comes from focusing on women, and the experiences of women. →

  4. Breakfast at The Putney Canteen

    A recent move to the south-west of London opened up a rich seam of easily-accessible breakfast venues in quasi-mythical places that sound like Monty Python sketch punchlines, like Twickenham, Wimbledon and Clapham: irritating to reach when you have to trek from the north of London and through the fetid middle, but more appealing to visit when it's a only a five minute train ride. →

  5. No experience necessary

    It was recently announced that Seth Grahame-Smith, a middling screenwriter with only a smidgen of TV directing experience had been hired to direct The Flash for Warner Brothers. Melissa Silverstein for Indiewire lamented that Grahame-Smith was "a man with ZERO film directing experience and he is being offered the keys to the kingdom". While Silverstein argues that studios are taking a hiring approach that may as well be "any male director, even with no experience, is preferable to any woman director", I'm not sold on the idea that these summer tentpole releases are prestigious 'keys to the kingdom'. I don't think it's that the studio thinks any male director is better than any female director, it's that they don't really want any director at all. →

  6. Remembering David Cameron

    As a history graduate, I'm interested in how we remember political figures, and how our memories of those figures frequently differ from how those figures intended to be remembered. An important detail to understand about historians is that if circumstance gives us an easy-to-swallow narrative, we'll take it and head to the pub for the rest of the day. It's why we tend to remember our Prime Ministers only for one thing: Chamberlain for appeasement, Churchill for easily-tweetable witticisms, Attlee for the NHS, Eden for Suez and Thatcher for having seven heads and ten horns, and upon her horns ten crowns. Equally, if a Prime Minister never manages anything particularly juicy, good or bad, we don't much remember them at all; nobody's going to write their dissertation on John Major. →

From the archives

Blog

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    A misanthrope abroad

    Back in 2010 I wrote about how hard I found it to go on holiday for a variety of reasons, but the last few…

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    On the function of dictionaries

    Those asking for nature words to be reinstated in a junior dictionary are wasting their time. Dictionaries describe contemporary usage; by the time you want a word to mean something else, it’s probably too late.

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    Fat January

    January is the most miserable month of the year. It’s dark when you leave for work and it’s dark…

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    The cinema at the end of the world

    Welcome news this week that the Shaftesbury Avenue Cineworld, a cinema that looked and felt like it had only…

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    Amsterdam

    After four barely-tolerable days in Brussels, taking in all the graffiti and scaffolding that the city had to…

Film & TV

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    The Voices

    There’s something about Ryan Reynolds that’s always rubbed me up the wrong way. Maybe it’s…

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    Tomm Moore’s Song of the Sea

    Irish animation studio Cartoon Saloon had already proved themselves with the beautiful, well-received debut…

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    Peyton Reed’s Ant-Man

    Ant-Man is a fun, serviceable but ultimately forgettable film, forever at risk of collapsing from too much…

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    Ruining Mad Max: Fury Road

    I walked out of Mad Max: Fury Road after barely an hour, which, judging by the uniformly-positive reaction…

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    Joss Whedon’s Avengers: Age of Ultron

    One of the biggest fan complaints about Man of Steel was that there was something very un-Superman-like about…

Food & drink

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    Breakfast at Berners Tavern

    If you’re going to make me book a table in advance for breakfast, you ought to be offering something…

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    Breakfast at Damson & Co.

    Though no part of Soho can really be considered ‘off the beaten path’, stumbling upon Damson…

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    Breakfast at Kopapa

    I had every intention of writing about breakfast at the Tapa Room, a Marylebone restaurant with an unusual…

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    Breakfast at Koya Bar

    The English Breakfast at Koya Bar is a trap. This is a Japanese restaurant serving Japanese breakfasts, so…

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    Breakfast at Ottolenghi’s

    I wrote about Yotam Ottolenghi’s Nopi a while ago when I visited for lunch but I mostly went there for…

Games

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    What kind of a game is L.A. Noire?

    I wrote recently about how infrequently I replay videogames, and how small the selection of games that get…

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    Blinded by the light

    One of the many problems of renting a home in London is that all expenses are generally spared, so although…

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    Final Fantasy VII and replaying games

    I re-watch films frequently, I re-read books occasionally, and I re-play games almost never unless it’s a…

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    The secret 3DS player

    The StreetPass feature on the Nintendo 3DS encourages you to take your handheld out and about with you,…

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    Animal Crossing and aspirational living

    One of the key features in the latest Animal Crossing is the Happy Home Showcase, in which the houses…

Short reviews

  1. Far From Heaven : Avoided for years as I thought it was Cruise/Kidman film Far and Away. Turns out it wasn’t! Also turned out to be good!
  2. Tokyo Godfathers : A funny, moving anime concerning an abandoned baby & three hobos. Could be a good Christmas movie staple for the future.
  3. Spring : Tedious supernatural drama in which an immortal Italian woman is tempted to mortality by a banal American man with a crewcut. Avoid.
  4. Creed : Outstanding Rocky franchise revival. Stallone on fine form, Michael B. Jordan even better. Great soundtrack, exciting camerawork.
  5. Deep Cover : Enjoyable undercover-cop B-movie with strong cast, still a little routine. Jeff Goldblum takes cocaine, acts like Jeff Goldblum.
  6. Reality : Enjoyable Italian oddity about a man who loses his mind after applying to be on Big Brother. Funnier than that sounds.
  7. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home : Star Trek has never been as fun as it is here.
  8. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock : It’s fine, but awkwardly placed between two stronger films. Could have been reduced to a prologue.
  9. Cutthroat Island : Despite Geena Davis pulling out all the stops, script & performances from rest of cast just aren’t here. Tolerable at best.
  10. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol : My favourite Mission Impossible film not featuring the Channel Tunnel. Vertigo-inducing and not too much Simon Pegg.
  11. Anastasia : Solid animation that felt like something out of the ‘50s musical era. Could have done with fewer evil supernatural bats though.
  12. Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan : Perfect, and ages like wine. I’ll never tire of watching this one.
  13. Once Upon a Time in America : The four hour extended version. About two hours too long.
  14. Breakfast at Tiffany’s : One of the few great old classics I’d love to see a new version of, or at least an edit that cuts out Mickey Rooney.
  15. Plunkett & Macleane : One of those brilliant ‘90s films you watched at the time then never returned to. Holds up well: good action & comedy.
  16. The Death Kiss : Historical curiosity from ’32 with a murder mystery and a film within a film. Hasn’t aged well but still worth a look.
  17. The Thin Man : A 1930s adaptation of the Dashiell Hammett novel that retains the rapid-fire dialogue & most of the drinking. Stagey but fun.
  18. The Swimmer : A masterful piece of storytelling detailing the mental breakdown of a man via the medium of several swimming pools.
  19. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes : But I prefer Some Like It Hot.
  20. Hobson’s Choice : Superb ‘50s romantic comedy. Charles Laughton is hilarious throughout but the determined Brenda De Banzie steals the show.
  21. Passport to Pimlico : Londoners discover they can be French instead of English and naturally jump at the chance without hesitation.
  22. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm : As Kevin Conroy is the best Batman, a film length Batman animation is the best Batman film. That’s just science.
  23. The Mummy : What’s not to like? Brendan Fraser at his best, John Hannah at his most caddish, Rachel Weisz as adorable librarian. Lots of fun.
  24. Star Trek: The Motion Picture : Beautifully shot & scored, but also ponderous & scattershot. Not sure they thought beyond “Make it like 2001”.
  25. Dumbo : At just 60 minutes, a surprisingly slight Disney classic. Shame about the racist crows as well.

More short reviews

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