Delicate American rose Abigail Ratchford made a video where she subtly drips a milkshake from In-N-Out all over her glistening plastic chichis. Since In-N-Out is a Christian company, they don’t want that jezebel hussy doing sinful things with their products on video, so they demanded that she take it down. I say sinful things, because as far as I know, she didn’t marry that milkshake before letting it drip all over her tits. But seriously, Abigail Ratchford deserves to be thrown in jail for that video. She wastes so many fries and drops of milkshake in it. ARREST HER!  – The Superficial 

Natalie Portman is out and Tessa Thompson is in as Thor’s boo – Lainey Gossip 

You’ll never guess what Jessica Simpson did the other night? She got drunk! Oh, you guessed that. Well, okay then – Drunken Stepfather

Prince Hot Ginge sees THE QUEEN more as his boss than his grandmama. I bet she sees herself as his boss too and makes him kiss her ring, as she should – Celebitchy

Please sashay away, NeNe Leakes – Reality Tea 

Zoe Kravitz’s nipple knob made an appearance in ID magazine – The Nip Slip 

A clip from James Franco’s gay porn murder biopic is out, and it’s the perfect thing to watch if you’re out of Ambien and want to fall asleep – Towleroad

Lea Michele got a tattoo in honor of Cory Monteith – Popsugar

It took me a few seconds to realize that Gigi Hadid is not carrying a guinea pig as an accessory – Popoholic

It also took me a few seconds to realize that the chick on the right isn’t The Curious Case of Ali Lohan – Hollywood Tuna 

Paula Deen has a new clothing line out. I can’t wait to see what she does with white hoods! – Jezebel

No jokes, this Batman v. Superman porn parody looks a zillion times more thrilling and entertaining than the real thing – OMG Blog  

Kristen Dunst and Garrett GimmeHedlund are done being together –  Just Jared

So in other words, Donnie Wahlberg gave Jenny McCarthy a life-like plastic replica of himself – SOW

I guess Jeremy Renner’s publicists had a talk with him – HuffPo

And finally, let’s end these Crumbs with an owl riding a cracked-out toy horse – The Berry  

Pic: Reddit

Since Kate Hudson is hawking workout clothes and trying to be all sporty and shit, it’s time for all of her to get completely on brand and that includes the tastes of her legendary coochie. So it makes sense that Kate Hudson might be climbing aboard the 6’5″ football playing mountain named J.J. Watt. Kate Hudson’s chocha needs a travel blog NOW, because I really want to see the places it visits.

Kate Hudson may have either finally dropped Nick Jonas as a fuck buddy, or she has temporarily pushed that Jonas peen to the side. Because everyone seems to think 36-year-old Kate may have started dating 27-year-old J.J., who plays for the Houston Texans. Kate and J.J. are the ones who started the dating talk. I guess they wanted everyone to know that they were on a date, because last night, J.J. made an appearance on one of her Snapchat videos during dinner at a restaurant. The video is annoying, but J.J. calls it a “date.”

Major update: He called it a DATE! 😲😲 #jjwatt #jjwattladies

A video posted by JJ WATT Ladies (@jjwatt_ladies) on Apr 11, 2016 at 11:24pm PDT

UsWeekly says that this morning, Kate put up another Snapchat video where she brought up the date while hanging out with her son Ryder. At one point, Kate said to him, “How does it feel that mommy got to sit next to J.J. Watt at dinner?”

Okay, but who in the hell Snapchats during a date?! If the date is going good, you should be using your hands to give him a handy under the table. If the date is going bad, you should be using your hands to give him a handy under the table (because doing that is better than talking to his boring ass). I am disappointed in Kate! But well, maybe she posted that video, because she wanted to let us, her slut disciples, know that she’s still out there and isn’t tied down to Jonas peen. That makes sense. I should never question the thirsty ways of Kate Hudson!

Pic: Men’s Health