High Definite/Videos

The sad thoughts of sad dogs.

ZeFrank

A 17-year-old babysitter in Whatcom County, Washington orchestrated a false home invasion along with her 16-year-old boyfriend and another male suspect. After getting 4-year-old Abby out of the house so her friends could do the deed, the babysitter made up a story about two armed black men breaking into the Ferndale home. She went on to say that one of the men looked like Cody Oakes, the next door neighbor.

Oakes, an operations manager for JP Morgan, was arrested and questioned before Abby broke the case open by telling police they had the wrong skin color, the robbers were white. The case began to unravel from there, and the babysitter confessed.

Abby, despite her detective skills, says she would “love to be a doctor.”

Bellingham Herald via 22 Words

“Honestly, I’m scared to get into a fight, because I might kill the guy or put him in a wheelchair or something…”

The Onion | Previously: New Facebook Feature Scans Profile To Pinpoint Exactly When Things Went Wrong

Nick Offerman/Ron Swanson narrates a showdown in a saloon.

Eric Kissack

The Grey Poupon commercial you were waiting for since you were a kid.

OBVS

A little self-defense lesson for your Friday morning.

EnterTheDojoShow

After announcing on Reddit, “If we get to $300k in donations to Cancer For College I will take on Chad Smith of the RHCP in an epic drum battle for the ages to prove once and for all who is the real Chad Smith,” Will Ferrell and Chad Smith had their drum-off on The Tonight Show.

The two discuss their rivalry in the clip below, and in case you were wondering, Jimmy Fallon still can’t keep a straight face around Will Ferrell in character:

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

Old Milwaukee via Cool Material

WWE x failure, via Devour.

Huff Post via Reddit