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The Fat Whisperer

Cartoon by Barry

Thanks to Everyday Feminism for publishing this comic! And thanks to them as well, for the following transcript:

Panel 1

(A friendly-looking, thin, conventionally attractive white man – “The Fat Whisperer” – speaks directly to the viewer.)

FW: Hi! I’m the Fat Whisperer!

Panel 2

(FW points his finger in the air. He has a smug look on his face.)

FW: I help fat people by telling them things they’ve never heard!  Like “you’d look so much nicer if you lost all that weight.”

Panel 3

(FW has a confused expression. His hands are positioned like he is seeking answers.)

FW:  “Have you considered putting down the donuts and going for a jog?” (Probably they haven’t!)

Panel 4

(FW holds his hands to his chest, as if he is making a heartfelt statement.)

FW: Or I tell them “being fat could harm your health!” (I bet most fatties have never heard that!)

Panel 5

(FW makes a disgusted expression, holds hands, palms forward, in front of his body to demonstrate rejection.)

FW: But you know what I hate? “Fat Acceptance.” Gross! Fat people can’t “accept” themselves!

Panel 6

(FW has a frustrated facial expression, and points at his hand.)

FW: Fat people need shame and self-loathing! Otherwise they’ll get fatter and worse. Why doesn’t anyone ever teach fat people that?

Panel 7

(FW has his arms crossed in front of his body and wears an angry expression.)

FW: We can’t accept fat people. Because fat people are sinful and weak!

Panel 8

(FW gestures towards himself and looks proud.)

FW: (And if fat people are sinful and weak, that makes thin people like me virtuous and strong!)

Panel 9

(FW is beginning to look even angrier than before. His eyes and mouth are wide open and he is shaking his fist in the air.)

FW: Without me, who’d ever tell these people: Take a run, Lardo! Put down the Twinkies! Where’s your self-respect?

Panel 10

(FW has totally lost it. He is sweating and screaming with rage.)

FW: YOUR BODY DISGUSTS ME AND YOU SHOULD BE SAD!

Panel 11

(FW regains his calm and looks a bit sheepish. His clothes are now disheveled from his tantrum.)

FW: Er… I only say these things because I care!

Panel 12

(FW looks devastated, confused, deeply concerned, and as if he believes he is the victim.)

FW: But sadly, most fat people never hear any of this stuff!

Posted in Barry's favorites, Uncategorized |

How Rape Makes Women Poorer

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon was inspired by “Yes means yes” is about much more than rape, by Amanda Taub.

Transcript:
The cartoon is in flow chart form.

Panel 1 is labeled “START HERE,” and shows a fashionable hipster man talking on a cell phone. He has a Van Dyke beard.
VAN DYKE: Come to the city and stay with me for the conference! You’ll meet important people!

An arrow labeled “If you’re a girl go this way” leads to a panel showing a young woman on the phone thinking “Should I go? I barely know this guy.” There are two paths leading from this panel: “YES, GO” and “DON’T GO.”

“DON’T GO” leads to a panel marked THE END, where we see an IMPORTANT PERSON IN A SUIT AND TIE speaking to VAN DYKE.
IMPORTANT PERSON: Whatever happened to her? I thought she was talented.
VAN DYKE: I tried helping her, but she’s SO standoffish.
THE END!

“YES, GO!” leads to a panel of the young woman and Van Dyke in a bedroom. He is grabbing her and she’s trying to fend him off.
VAN DYKE: Aw, c’mon, don’t tease!
WOMAN: Get OFF!
There are two routes out of this panel: “STAY IN HIS APARTMENT” and “FLEE HIS APARTMENT.” “STAY IN HIS APARTMENT” leads to a black panel labeled “HE RAPES YOU.” “FLEE HIS APARTMENT” leads to a panel of the young woman sitting on a sidewalk, shivering, in the dark, labeled “you’re broke on the streets of a strange city.” Whichever path you choose, they both lead to…

A panel marked “YOU GET BLAMED.” Fingers point at the young woman.
FINGER 1: She must have wanted it!
FINGER 2: What did she expect to happen?

The “YOU GET BLAMED” panel leads to an arrow marked “TIME OFF TO HEAL,” which in turn leads back to the THE END panel.

Going all the way back to the “START HERE” panel, there’s one more route in this flow chart. From “START HERE” (“Come to the city and stay with me for the conference! You’ll meet important people!”) choose “IF YOU’RE A BOY, GO THIS WAY.” A young man on the phone says “Thanks! I’d love to go!” We then see him at a party in the city, with lots of networking going on; the IMPORTANT PERSON is saying to him, “we should collaborate.” An arrow marked “YEARS LATER” leads to a panel of the now less young man, clearly now an important person himself, giving a speech at a podium.

YOUNG MAN: I never benefited from sexism… I just worked harder than my rivals!

Posted in Barry's favorites, Feminist cartoons |

Rape and Consent – Affirmative Consent Explained

Cartoon by Barry

Further update: And a third try at finding the right punchline to this cartoon! (Scroll down for the first two attempts).

The second try:

Sometimes I don’t get cartoons right the first time. After I’d posted this one online, David Feldman emailed me suggesting that the punchline would be better if it focused more on past acts than on future plans. He was right, and after a bit of emailing back and forth, we came up with a new punchline.

For those of you who are interested, here’s the cartoon with the original punchline:

If you purchase this cartoon for reprint, be sure to let me know which punchline you prefer.

TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
The cartoon shows two young men chatting. The man on the left is Asian and punky – he has his hair shaved into a mohawk, a nose ring and an earlobe plug, and tattoos. The man on the right is probably white and has a van dyke beard and a shaved head, and is wearing a black vest over a turtleneck shirt. There are six panels.

Panel 1
BEARDY: In the old days, rape was when a thug jumped out of bushes, not this “date rape” and “affirmative consent” nonsense!

Panel 2
BEARDY: If we define “rape” so broadly, how can I know I’m not “raping” a girl I’m hooking up with?

Panel 3
PUNKY: It’s really not hard! If she acts like she wants sex, by yanking your pants down or saying “fuck me now” – if she’s going for it just as much as you are – then you’re golden!

Panel 4
PUNKY: But if she’s so drunk that she can’t walk straight or talk clearly, then she might be too drunk to know what’s going on, so don’t fuck her. Or him, for that matter.

Panel 5
PUNKY: And if she passively “gives in” to sex, check that things are cool before going any further. Why is that so hard?
BEARDY: Because!

Panel 6
PUNKY: Because what?
BEARDY: Because she might say no!

Alternate punchline:

BEARDY: Because it’s impossible that anything I’ve done was rape!

And the original punchline:

BEARDY: Because then I might not get to fuck her!

Posted in Barry's favorites, Feminist cartoons |

Marriage Fixes Everything!

Cartoon by Barry

Description of cartoon:

The cartoon depicts a young mother and her toddler, in a small and crappy-looking room. The woman is bent double under a load of boxes, trunks and bags, each of which is labeled: Unemployment, Lack of Education, Illness, Bigotry, Exhaustion, Low Wages, Childcare, Looking Poor, and Crime.

Also in the room is a young white guy, wearing a necktie and suspenders, who is grinning happily and telling the woman “I know what’s holding you down! You should be married!”

In a little “epilog” panel at the bottom of the cartoon, the guy continues “…Unless you’re gay.”

Posted in Barry's favorites, Economic cartoons, LGBT cartoons |

The Federal Budget Is Like Your Family’s Budget!

Cartoon by Barry

Two women are talking, who I will call “Black Dress” and “Sneakers,” respectively.

Panel 1
BLACK DRESS: The Federal government’s budget is just like a family budget!
SNEAKERS: Really? Your family prints its own currency?

Panel 2
BLACK DRESS: Well, no.
SNEAKERS: Can your family sell its own super-low-interest bonds to borrow money?

Panel 3
Both women have become a bit annoyed with the other.
BLACK DRESS: No! But when I do my family budget, I can’t spend more than I earn.
SNEAKERS: Then how will anyone in your family ever own a home? Or go to college?

Panel 4
BLACK DRESS: My point is, the government has to cut back! Starting with social security!
SNEAKERS (horrified): Your family saves money by robbing Grandma?

Posted in Barry's favorites, Economic cartoons |

Copyright Vs. Shakespeare

Cartoon by Barry

(Buy a print of this cartoon on Redbubble.)

This cartoon was inspired by a Huffington Post article by Jennifer Jenkins, in which she quoted Judge Richard Posner:

What happens if these underlying sources are copyrighted? As Judge Richard Posner pointed out, “Romeo and Juliet itself would have infringed Arthur Brooke’s The Tragicall Historye of Romeo and Juliet… which in turn would have infringed several earlier Romeo and Juliets, all of which probably would have infringed Ovid’s story of Pyramus and Thisbe.” You get the point — without a rich public domain, much of literature would be illegal.

Many thanks to my friend Rachel Swirsky, who co-wrote this strip. This is the second “Ampersand” strip Rachel has co-written; the previous one was The Church of Fiscal Conservatism.

Panel 1
Shakespeare, at a writing table, feathery quill in hand, holding up what he has just written to read it aloud.
SHAKESPEARE: “But soft! What light through yon window breaks? It is a lightning bug, and Juliet is the bug’s ass.”

Panel 2
Shakespeare sits, slumps his head into his hands.
SHAKESPEARE (thought): Needs work.
FEDERAL AGENT (from off-panel): HALT, THIEF!

Panel 3
Shakespeare rises and speaks sharply to the Federal Agent who has just walked in. The Federal Agent wears a 20th century suit and dark glasses, and displays a badge.
SHAKESPEARE: SIR! What brings you to my chamber?
FED: This PLAY you wrote, “Romeo and Juliet.”

Panel 4
FED: You STOLE it from Arthur Brooke’s “The Tragical Historye of Romeus and Juliet!”

Panel 5
Shakespeare is using the ol’ “explaining hands” gesture, the Fed points and yells.
SHAKESPEARE: The SEED was Brooke’s, but under my care it has flourished into a DIFFERENT tree-
FED: So you ADMIT it!

Panel 6
The Fed whips off his dark glasses for a panel. He looks so mad that he might eat them.
FED: Answer THIS, smart guy: Why should BROOKE bother writing NEW WORK when second-raters like YOU swipe his stuff?

Panel 7
Shakespeare is beginning to get pissed.
SHAKESPEARE: But sir! Poor Brooke lies beneath the sod. My simple play cannot disturb him now. The ONLY work being stifled is mine own!

Panel 8
FED: YOUR work? HA! Derivative TRASH! If you had any talent, you’d write something ORIGINAL!

Panel 9
SHAKESPEARE: But Brooke’s OWN idea germinated with Matteo Bandello! We are ALL leaves from the same branch, sir! That’s how creativity works!

Panel 10
The FED, who is quite a bit larger than Shakespeare, grabs Shakespeare and shakes him back and forth.
FED: No, that’s how STEALING works! Brooke’s only been dead for THIRTY YEARS. The worms have barely finished digesting!

Panel 11
Shakespeare’s babbling is interrupted when the stern-faced Fed yanks him around to put handcuffs on him.
SHAKESPEARE: But this is MADNESS! Do we not value freedom of THOUGHT? Are IDEAS not the currency of culture? The veritable grist of progress for the social mill? Tell me sir– OW!

Panel 12
Shakespeare, dressed in jailbird’s stripes, sits in a prison cell, loking a bit wistful or confused.
CAPTION: And so Creativity was Saved from a Plagiarist Lout.

(Buy a print of this cartoon on Redbubble.)

Posted in Barry's favorites |

Street Harassment

Cartoon by Barry

This cartoon is available as a print or a poster on Redbubble.

Transcript:

(Each of the first nine panels shows a black-haired woman walking in a public place at different times and in different outfits. In each outfit, a different stranger on the street is making a comment to her. She looks very unhappy with the comments. Panel 1 starts showing her from fairly far away, but each panel gets closer up on her face until panel 9.)

Panel 1
Man in doorway: Damn, beautiful!

Panel 2 (woman is waiting at bus stop)
Guy sitting on stoop: You got a number?

Panel 3
Man grabbing woman’s arm: Suck my cock!

Panel 4
Grinning older man: Smile! You’re so pretty!

Panel 5 (Woman is carrying groceries)
Man in car: Hey! I’m talking to you! Fuck you then!

Panel 6 (Woman is riding bike)
Man: DAMN, sexy, you’ve got a fat ass.

Panel 7 (Close up on woman’s almost wincing face).
Off-panel voice: Just stop and talk. I just want to talk to you.

Panel 8 (Closer up on her face, which is turned away from the viewer.)
Off-panel voice: What’s your name? C’mon, tell me your

Panel 9 (Very far shot of woman, walking hunched over with her hands in her jacket pockets).
Off-panel voice: I’d fuck the SHIT out of that.

Panel 10 (Woman at home, in her bedroom. A cheerful man in the background, wearing pajamas and sitting on a bed, talks to her; she has her back to him and looks miserable.)
Man: If women on the street said I look nice, it’d make my day!