What Defines a Woman… [scratch that] a Person…

February 7, 2012 By Karla 6 Comments

 

spacer

I’m sitting at the table tonight while my four children are getting ready for bed.

The eleven year old asks a question about something she’d like to purchase with money she has recently acquired.

Somehow, said eleven year old ends up weeping on her bed… overwhelmed by the choices she faces in the years ahead of her.

When she walks back into the kitchen, hair disheveled, nose red, eyes swollen, it is hard for me to breathe.

She is me. Crying as a child, the only daughter, realizing that one day, I would be the only one in my family with a different last name.

Why are you crying?”, my parents asked.

When I get married, I will no longer be a ‘VanBibber’. I will be different from the rest of you“, I replied.

Tonight’s conversation was that. And yet it also veered so far from those sentiments.

Why are you crying?”, we asked.

The girls in my class already know what they want to do when they grow up“, she replied.

But so do you. You want to own your own animation company and create cartoons. Have a cat of your own. See the world.”

(blank stare)

Oh…

Their plan is to get married, have children and own a big giant house.

Suddenly, my self-confident child, so sure of her purpose and dreams, is doubtful.

Her dreams don’t look like everyone else’s.

And that makes her a target.

We want everyone to look like us. Dream like us. Think like us.

It makes us feel better about our own choices, doesn’t it?

But that doesn’t make those choices better, or more right for us.

And that doesn’t make them any more likely to come true. If being my own independent-free-spirited self and having four children has taught me anything it’s this: We aren’t all cut from the same cloth.

We all have different purposes, hopes and dreams.

Mama and Riggy, can I call you anytime I need advice, when I grow up?

Of course, Sweetness. We are always here for you.

Just be you, my sweet girl.

Just be you.

linked up with Just Write

Filed Under: #4Kidz, Abbie, parenting Tagged With: children, dream, dreams, us, world

Fall Down and Get Back Up

January 30, 2012 By Karla 13 Comments

spacer

I’ve been thinking a lot about the struggles I’ve had in the past with panic attacks and depression, and while I’ve shared small snippets over the years, it wasn’t always easy to come clean about what I was in the midst of.

Now, a couple of years beyond it, I’m able to reflect back on them with some clarity (something that can feel sorely lacking in the midst of that cycle…)

Writing down my stories to share makes me feel vulnerable, and yet, I also feel driven by the sense that there are so many of us affected by these same struggles. Knowing I was not alone was one of the greatest things in the process and in taking steps in my recovery.

As I work through my stories, I struggle for words. I struggle with the memories of what it feels like to go back to that place. I see a person in paralyzing fear and anguish.

Yet, as I continue searching, and wipe the mud and muck from my view, I see someone who fought through it. Who found a Way to understand what was happening.

I no longer suffer from regular panic attacks.

Oh, I feel them knock on my door.
Whisper in my ear.
There are triggers, and I know them well.
They sit waiting for me to be overly tired or stressed.

But they no longer hold me captive.

And that is where I want this chapter of my story to begin.
Because it is worth celebrating.

But the past can’t be forgotten, because there are many others who have fallen and fear that it’s that last time before they can no longer get up.

Don’t believe it.
Don’t listen to those whispers.

_____________

linked up to Just Write

Filed Under: About Me, depression, Faith, panic attacks Tagged With: depression, us

Instagrate for WordPress: not feeling it

January 21, 2012 By Karla Leave a Comment

So… I took some time to try out the “Instagrate for WordPress” plugin.

Ideally… it would have been perfect.

Unfortunately, all I probably accomplished with it was annoying my readers.

And I apologize!

I share so much of my life via Instagram, and I wanted to figure out a way to share it here, via my blog.

WordPress has made huge leaps in the upgrades to their app and I think it will do what I want, without annoying my readers with lots of random posts.
(*I did ask the plugin developer to create an option to post a ‘daily’ update… and he thought it was a great idea!!! [and THAT, I'd do!!])

So, my apologies for the crazy posts… Although it is indicative of my life, I need to figure out a tidier way to share my chaotic world.

Onward!!

Filed Under: About Me, random thoughts, Writing Tagged With: instagram, photos

marsala and baby bella mushrooms smell heavenly…

January 21, 2012 By Karla Leave a Comment

spacer

Filed Under: About Me Tagged With: baby

Finally showing 'The Pixar Story' to our artist daughter. She wants to be an animator… #Pixar #Disney #art

January 19, 2012 By Karla Leave a Comment

spacer

Filed Under: About Me
Next Page »
gipoco.com is neither affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its contents. This is a safe-cache copy of the original web site.