The Spontaneous Hausfrau

What’s great about those miniature donuts above is that you can spend hours and hours arranging and rearranging these adorable little cherry chip morsels into piles and cascades and whimsical shapes.

You can stand at this angle and that angle, overhead and eye level. Move this one to the left, that one to the right a bit. Each time, eat another one. One that looks a little too crooked. This one is a little too flat. The glaze on this one ran a bit.

You need to take them and destroy them, so as to keep them from infecting the others with their imperfection. I can think of any better way than IN MAH BELLEH.

Of course, you’ll need to lay off them eventually, because Valentine’s day is coming and, goodness, but these are just the most perfect little Valentine’s Day dessert, no? Vanilla cake donuts with luscious bites of maraschino cherries and chocolate chip, finished with a maraschino-tinged glaze. Yes and yes.

It’s really all about those maraschino cherries. Their juicy, chewy Love! Love!! Love!!! in contrast to that crispy smooth glaze. And the rich chocolatey chips in between.

That’s happiness right there. And love.

Which just about sums up the whole V-day thing. Happiness and love** – in a little, sugary package.

Cherry Chocolate Chip Donuts

2 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup buttermilk
2 eggs, beaten
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 teaspoon oil
1 10-ounce jar maraschino cherries, drained (reserve some juice) and chopped
3/4 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips

1 1/3 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon maraschino cherry juice
2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon milk or half and half

For the donuts: Preheat the oven to 350.

In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk the egg, sugar, and buttermilk until well blended. Whisk in the oil and vanilla. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir until combined. Fold in the cherries and chocolate chips

Fill the donut wells until 2/3 full and bake 8 minutes. Allow the donuts to cool completely before glazing.

For the glaze: In a small bowl, stir together the powdered sugar, cherry juice, and milk until the glaze is well blended.

To finish the donuts, arrange a cooling rack over a sheet pan. Dip the top of the donuts in the glaze and set the donuts, glazed side up, on the cooling rack, allowing the excess glaze to drip down. Allow the glaze to harden before eating.

**Speaking of love, I have to thank The Tasty Fork for sharing the love and passing on to me the Liebster Award, which is an award that can be given to any blog that you’re crushing on that has less than 200 followers. “Liebster” is a german word that translates to “dearest,” which makes me say something like, “Uh, holy shit, someone actually IS reading me and someone actually kinda likes me. Go figure.”

Pickles and Honey
What Katie’s Baking
Pardon the Dog Hair

If you’ve never tasted a Frasier, then you’ve never died and gone to heaven where you went on a Christian Louboutin shopping spree, then came back to earth 10 pounds lighter.

It’s layers of sponge cake, filled with a white chocolate buttercream, fresh strawberries, a rum-tinged berry glaze, and topped off with a layer of marzipan. And, if you’re an overachiever and decide to stay awake for 36 hours working on the multiple steps of this cake, in between panic attacks and fits of hyperventilation, the top of the cake is decorated with more strawberries that have been dipped in white chocolate.

It’s an obscene amount of butter and cream and sugar that is nothing short of DEEEE. VIIIINE.

Of course you can find these cakes in your local French bakery, but that takes all the fun and extra stress pimples out of the equation.

Plan C, however, could be these cake pops. We all know that any kind of little dipped ball on a stick sends us into a total tizzy.

These cake pops take most of the flavors of that beautiful, fussy cake shrine and put it into a little ball on a stick: Strawberry cake mixed with buttercream frosting surrounding a chewy marzipan center, all enrobed in white chocolate.

It’s like Valentine’s Day in 2 round inches. Eeek! How cute! I could die!

Did you just die? Totally, right?

Okay, now get up. Eat a cake pop.

Frasier Cake Pops

1 box strawberry cake mix, made according to the directions and cooled completely
3/4 of a jar buttercream frosting
3 1/2 ounces marzipan
1 bag wilton candy melts, white
lollipop sticks
sprinkles or decorating sugar (optional)

Form the marzipan into small, pellet-like balls and place in the refrigerator to set.

In a large bowl, crumble the cake mix and mix it with the frosting until playdoh-like. Allow the cake and frosting mix to chill in the refrigerator at least one hour.

Remove the marzipan balls and the cake/frosting mix from the refrigerator. Working with golf-ball sized amount of mix, form the cake mixture into balls, placing one marzipan ball in the center of each cake ball. Place the formed balls onto a wax paper lined tray or plate. Place the tray or plate of formed balls in the refrigerator to chill again.

Once you are ready to assemble your lollipops, remove the cake balls from the fridge.

Melt the candy melts in a microwave or over a double boiler. Dip the end of each lollipop stick in the melted candy and stick it into a formed ball.

Once all the balls have a lollipop stick, you can begin dipping the pops by working one at a time, dipping the pops straight down into the candy melt and bringing it straight out, shaking the pop very gently to remove the excess candy melt. Decorate with sprinkles, if desired.

Stick the completed cake pops into a styrofoam block and store in the refrigerator until ready to eat.

I made you some nachos.

Because, let’s be real here, you’ll be watching Superbowl this Sunday, but you’re really just there for the food. You won’t be rooting for this team or that team.

By half time, you’ll have eaten too much and covertly unbuttoned your jeans juuuust a teeny bit. In your food coma, you won’t care anymore about the witty commercials. You’ll just be cheering for SOMEONE to hurry up and score so this blasted thing can be done and you can go home and change into your pajamas.

So, if you’re going to behave yourself and watch the game while keeping your complaints to yourself, it better be worth your while but not leave you miserable until next Sunday. You’re not looking for buffalo poppers or pigs in a blanket. You’d sooner lick a salt block and be done with it. Besides, you’ll want to get your shoes on or your rings on or just about anything on tomorrow morning (without greasing your whatever in mayo).

Yep, I get it – totally preachin’ to the choir over here.

Which is why these nachos, while being so delicious that Mr. Hausfrau, an honest-to-god meat-and-potatoes eater, licked his fingers after eating a plate of them, are totally cleaned up. They’re topped with chickpeas, a vegan cheese sauce, and a lime-tinged sour cream (also vegan). They’re inspired by a plate of nachos I had at City Cafe, oh, about 2 years ago, and I’ve obsessed about them since.

That’s right. Obsessed. The meaty chickpeas with the tomatillo salsa, the cheesy sauce, that tangy, sour creaminess. The tomato, the crunchy chips. And the lime – gotta have the lime. Ouch, Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em.

Who obsesses over chickpeas?

I do and it’s becoming apparent to me that I spend too much time eating or thinking about food and I ought to take up a new hobby.

It’s just very hard to knit with frosting-coated fingers.

Pepperjack Chickpea Nachos

6 cups tortilla chips
scant 1 cup unsweetened plain almond milk
heaping 1 cup Daiya cheddar cheese
heaping 1 cup Daiya pepperjack cheese
1/4 cup vegan sour cream
1/2 cup salsa verde (tomatillo salsa)
1 tomato, roughly chopped
1/2 cup chickpeas, drained and rinsed
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 lime, quartered (for serving)

In a small pot over medium-high heat, heat the almond milk just until boiling. Sprinkle in the cheddar and pepperjack cheeses, whisking the entire time. Once all the cheeses are added, continue whisking, until the cheese in completely melted and the sauce has come together. Remove from the heat.

In a small bowl, whisk together the sour cream and lime juice until thoroughly blended. Set aside.

Arrange the tortilla chips over a large platter. Drizzle the cheese sauce over the chips, followed with the salsa verde. Sprinkle the tomatoes and chickpeas over the platter of chips. Finally, drizzle the sour cream over top of the nachos. Serve with lime wedges.

Are you planning your Superbowl party menu? Good – add this hummus to the spread. (Oh, I’m so punny!)

Look, hummus isn’t anything earth-shattering. I surmise it won’t be long before McDonalds is serving it up alongside their chicken nuggets, or something. But this hummus is special because it’s THE ONLY hummus I plan on ever making. (Dramatic, much?)

This hummus recipe is inspired by my favorite place to eat lunch in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD (yes, dramatic very much), Max’s Grille in Boca Raton, Florida. This place has the royal trifecta:

–outside seating
–great food
–great people watching

Awesome people watching, actually. I can skip my weekly dose of Bravo TV and Us magazine when I lunch here.

I can watch dogs in pink strollers roll by, Bentleys roll by, tweens dressed like Brittany Spears stroll by, mothers dressed like Brittany Spears stroll by. And grandmas dressed like. . . oh, nevermind. But a lot of them are on the prowl, so Ashton Kutcher better stay away.

I can see freshly bandaged noses and ladies who lunch while sharing with each other their face lift scars. Oh, and there’s palm trees and sunshine, too.

All this, while I shove forkful after forkful of their complimentary hummus into my pie hole, intermittently wiping it from my chin and out of my hair. It’s an unbelievably sexy picture. I call it my anti-rape look.

Each time Mr Hausfrau and I lunch there, this is the scene:

Me: (while thinly spreading the hummus on a plate and peering closely at it) I really need to figure out what’s in here. I really need to make this at home. What do you think is in here? Do you think that’s parsley or cilantro? I really need to make this. I really need to figure this out. I wonder if they’ll tell me? Is that tomato? Is that parsley? I think they use sesame oil, don’t you? Or is it extra tahini? What do you think? Do you like it? Should I make it at home? Are you staring at that girl’s bubbies? Are you listening to me?

Mr. Hausfrau: Sure, whatever makes you happy.

That Mr. Hausfrau sure is a trooper. Kudos to him for knowing the difference between cilantro and parsley.

After several at-home attempts at Max’s magical hummus, I think I finally nailed it. It’s a relief to know that I can enjoy this at home, in my pajamas, on the couch, and a dog cuddled at each hip. It’s certainly not as glamorous as the real thing, but who needs glamour when you have obedient animals to lick hummus smudges off your knee?

Hummus a la Max’s

1 15-ounce can of chickpeas, rinsed and drained
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon water
6 tablespoons tahini
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon roasted sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons parsley, chopped
2 tablespoons sundried tomatoes (oil packed), diced

Pulse the chickpeas, lemon jucie, water and salt in food processor until mostly ground. Scrape down the bowl and add the olive and sesame oils. Process until the mixture is totally smooth and creamy.

Transfer the hummus to a bowl and fold in the parsley and sundried tomoatoes. Refrigerate 1 hour, allowing the hummus to thicken and the flavors to combine.

I know you.

Somewhere around 11:36 pm on December 31st, between your 5th cupcake and 2nd keg stand of the evening, amongst 256 of your closest friends, you declared that 2012 would be YOUR year.

It would be the year that you finally throw away your Abercrombie and Fitch sweatpants collection. For 2012, you resolved to meditate more (or at all) and listen to Howard Stern religiously (yes, they do go together). Indeed, 2012 would be the year that you finally drop those last 10 pounds and give Giselle Bundchen a run for her money.

You’re still waiting to get your Sirius hooked up and you (foolishly) learned that meditation in those Abercrombie sweatpants is a bad idea. I’m referring to the numbness in your thighs and that exposed butt crack. How those two are managed at the same time by the same pair of pants, you’ll never know.

But the pounds – you’ve been working on that. Just open the refrigerator: it’s filled with greek yogurt, cottage cheese, almond milk, egg whites, berries, greens, and chicken. A lot of chicken in fact. Grilled chicken, poached chicken, chicken salad, chicken strips, and another package of chicken, raw and waiting to be cooked. That package right there is making you shudder. And contemplate a 45-day dry-aged, bone-in New York Strip, cooked medium and snuggled up to a fluffy pile of parmesan mashed potatoes.

I know.

If it were me, I’d say screw the chicken and get ye to the steakhouse. Which would probably explain why I’m still living in leggings and using my skinny jeans as dust rags.

But, that chicken. You need to cook it because it’ll go bad and the steak, ohthatjuicysteak!, it can wait. Really. It will still be there next week.

I’ve got something new for you and that pound o’ raw chicken. It’s super easy, too. Mix up some herbs, orange marmalade, low fat mayo, and dijon mustard. Slather it over the chicken, sprinkle it with some Panko and bake it.

It’s tasty and comforting. It’s a texture bonanza. I swear to you that it won’t blow your diet, and I swear to you it’ll make you forget about the steak.

Just for tonight, at least.

But those egg whites and that cottage cheese also in the fridge? I can’t help you with those. You should totally throw those away and eat a Pop Tart instead.

Orange Dijon Chicken

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed
1/4 cup orange marmalade
1/4 cup low fat mayonnaise
1/4 cup dijon mustard
1 teaspoon herbs de provence
1/4 cup Panko crumbs

Preheat the oven to 375.

Arrange the chicken breasts in a shallow baking pan so that they are flat and not touching. Set aside.

In a small bowl, mix together the orange marmalade, mayonnaise, dijon mustard, and herbs de provence. Spread the mixture over the chicken breasts and sprinkle the Panko evenly across the covered breasts.

Bake until golden and the juices run clear, approximately 50 minutes.

I’m on a miniature baked goods kick.

A few months ago, I was on a curry kick, and I daresay the lingering smell of muffins and donuts stuck in my clothes and clinging to my kitchen cabinets smells infinitely better.

Sugar and butter always trumps garam masala, coriander, and tumeric in my book. Unless I can find a way to get those spices in a cookie.

Don’t encourage me.

So, these mini-donuts – how cute are they? They’re all dolled up with the sprinkles and the sugar and the coconuts. And the jazz hands (those aren’t pictured).

Oh, and they’re lemon. Bright, citrusy, sweet, and miniature. With sprinkles and jazz hands. Does it get any better?

In fact, it does. This is a reasonably light recipe, so a few of these won’t massacre your diet. Slipping a few of these onto each finger and dancing around the house to the BeeGees as you nibble through each donut covered finger may put a wrench in things, but I think the physical activity wins you a few points.

Just make sure your curtains are drawn when you do it. Because, you know, the neighbors (ahem, and their company) may not have an appreciation for your new workout.

Miniature Lemon Donuts

1 1/4 cup cake flour
1/2 cup coconut sugar
1 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 egg
1 1/2 tablespoon melted butter
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1 teaspoon vanilla

3/4 cup confectioner’s sugar
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon half and half
1 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
5 drops yellow food coloring

Sprinkles, decorating sugar, coconut, etc for toppings

For the donuts: Preheat the oven to 425.

In a large bowl, sift together the cake flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk the egg, sugar, and buttermilk until well blended. Whisk in the butter, lemon zest, and vanilla. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir until combined.

Fill the donut wells until 2/3 full and bake 6 minutes. Allow the donuts to cool completely before glazing.

For the glaze: In a small bowl, stir together the sugar, lemon juice, zest, vanilla and food coloring. Whisk in the half and half slowly, until the glaze is well blended.

To finish the donuts, arrange a cooling rack over a sheet pan. Dip the top of the donuts in the glaze and set the donuts, glazed side up, on the cooling rack, allowing the excess glaze to drip down. Once the glaze has had a few minutes to set, decorate with sprinkles, coconut, sugar, etc as desired. Allow the glaze to harden before eating.

When I came across Smitten Kitchen’s recent recipe for Apple Sharlotka, I knew that I really had a guardian angel.

Remember the problem I had a few months ago with a plethora of apples? Well, I did it again. I seriously have something wrong with me. Every time I walk into a grocery store and see those beautiful Honeycrisps winking at me, I submit and pile them into a bag.

I’m powerless. Over apples. It could be worse.

This time around, a couple fruit flies hanging around those apples urged me into fast action. I fought the battle of the fruit fly earlier this fall and needless to say, the smell of apple cider vinegar still turns my stomach today.

Anyway, you know what else I’m powerless over? Stuff in miniature. Yeah, I think I’ve obsessed over that one a few times, too.

So, I made miniature Sharlotkas (in muffin form, actually) and I doctored them up with a sprinkling of raisins. They add a little bit of variety and, in the places where they are close to the top of the muffin, they dry up a little bit and get wonderfully chewy, to the point where they almost stick to your teeth.

Is anyone else obsessed with raisins that almost stick in your teeth? Is anyone else convinced, at this point, that I should be committed?

Don’t answer that.

I realize that I ought to just wrap it up before I really sound like a nut.

But, since I mentioned it, a sprinkling of nuts would be nice on these, too.

Okay, really, I’m sticking a fork in it.

And you should stick a fork in these.

Gluten Free Miniature Apple Sharlotkas
(adapted from Smitten Kitchen)

4 Honeycrisp apples, peeled and diced medium
3 eggs
1 cup Bob’s Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Flour
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 cup raisins

Preheat the oven to 350.

Line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper liners and spray the papers well with nonstick spray. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, beat the eggs with the sugar until the mixture is thick and pale. Fold in the gluten free flour and cinnamon.

Fill each muffin compartment with the diced apples, allowing the diced apples to reach nearly to the top of the tin. Sprinkle a few raisins over the apples and press down gently.

Spoon the prepared batter into each tin over the apple and raisin mixture, allowing the mixture to filter in between the apples and fill cover the apples. You may find it helpful to give the muffin pan a firm whack on the counter to allow the batter to settle amongst the apples. Once the tins are full, bake in the oven for 20 minutes, or until golden and puffy.

Cool completely on a wire rack and serve. (They freeze well, too)