[HoeSalad Editor Note: This is a guest author post from TheGreatMonkeySuit - more info at the bottom of this post!] So this is what Superman looks like without his underwear. Gotta admit I’m more than a little disappointed.   The new Superman Movie is still in the early filming stages but has answered one very [...]

One night, you are out at a party and meet the hottest girl you have ever seen. You get to talking, and really hit it off so you decide to bring her back to your apartment because you are definitely going to rail this hot piece of pussy. Once you get back to your bedroom, [...]

Sometimes in life, you just don’t want to take the extra step to click that little “View The Hoes – NSFW Babes Section” link at the top of the HoeSalad.com crude humor blog. Instead, you’d rather stay around the “Salad” section of the blog – the crude humor, relatively safe for work section – and [...]

Playing Dirty Scrabble is fun for a little while. Even more fun is playing actual Scrabble and trying to use as many filthy (or filthy-sounding) words as you can. What I like to do? Head down to the local old folk’ home (pardon me . . . Senior Living Community) and start up a rousing [...]

Hugging another man at certain times can be a perfectly acceptable custom. However, at other times, it can not only be weird, but also quite inappropriate. Sometimes, these situations are not just black and white, but there are shades of gray as well. First off, there is going to be a brief four question quiz [...]

Grandma always did have the best recipes. You loved her macaroni noodle casserole, chicken pot pies, and of course, grandma’s famous chocolate chip cookies. What you never thought you would love were grandma’s homemade, back to basics, sexual pleasure lubrication recipes. These recipes have been in my family for generations, and for the first time, I am [...]

Jerking off is a great activity when you are bored, and it is good for your health! Even jerking it several times a day is great for overall well-being. Dr. Richard J. Bonheir, chair of the Masturbation and Sexual Health Committee for Men, says that frequent masturbation is key to a healthy heart, a good [...]

Because HoeSalad.com is a foundation of quality humans who want you to live the best life imaginable, we want you to know how to deal with those who put you down. Back when you were a sprightly little shit, your dad probably taught you these ideas through contact sports. While being tackled and getting back [...]

Everyone loves a little bit of masturbation. Splooging on a daily basis is healthy for the mind, body, and soul. Most people develop certain masturbation habits in their adolescence, and tend to stick to places like their bed or the shower. However, this is boring and when you die you are going to want to [...]

Everyone needs to trim their bush. There are all kinds of bushes. Big bushes, small bushes, dark bushes, light bushes, curly bushes and straight bushes. However, one fact remains; no one likes to find pube clippings in mysterious places. They belong in one place only. That place is in the proper waste receptacle or pube [...]

Dick is funny. Innocent things and everyday objects that aren’t dick but LOOK like dick are even better. Check out what I mean…     See, dicks are everywhere around us! Waiting to be discovered and recognized for what they are. -SteamyDeuce, LOLing at funny pics

Hey again fellow Hoes! We’re back with another “100 Funny, Crude, Hilarious Pics” post! You’re currently viewing VOLUME 2. For VOLUME 1 and 100 more hilarious pictures, you can simply click here. Once again, enjoy, and make sure to add comments with whatever hilarious pics you have found throughout the internet! With our commenting system, [...]

A friend of mine said to me this past weekend, “FlickDick, you are a movie expert. Will you come enjoy a viewing of The Green Lantern with me this evening?” My answer to him was clearly a “no,” because The Green Lantern is the worst superhero since Aqua Man. Instead of giving my bro a [...]

Sometimes your balls get especially wrinkly in the heat of the summer, and you loose that smooth feeling that you love. Not only are you balls no longer smooth, but your ball sweat can cause excessive itching. The irritation can be unbearable. Fortunately, there is a solution. Johnson & Johnson spent years and billions of [...]

[Note from HoeSalad.com - this featured article was heavily edited by our staff due to the fact gingers cannot spell and have terrible grammar. However, some errors may remain because of the awful condition of the original post. Here, we bring you an inside look on how red heads (gingers) view their race and the [...]

Hey there fellow Hoes. Every day, loads of hilarious pics pass by the HoeSalad desk. So, from here on out, we’ll share them with you every once and a while via a “100 Funny, Crude, Hilarious Pics post. You’re currently viewing VOLUME 1. Enjoy, and make sure to add comments with whatever hilarious pics you [...]

Jerking off in public places is frowned upon, just like ripping ass in an elevator. Examples of public places to jerk off can include, but are not limited to, the office, school, the gym, the grocery store, the library, and in an airplane. Since beating your meat in these places is not considered normal, and [...]

After finally going out to see what is arguably the best film ever made – rivaling the works of many of the great French auteurs, Italian neorealists, and that Hitchcock guy – I definitely found something to hitch my cock on.  If you want to exercise every emotion in your being in just around 2 [...]

Titties have two main functions in life, and that is to be looked at and be played with. However, unknown to many, titties actually have many other useful applications to the human race! The only problem with boobies is the fact that they are attached to bitches which makes them unpredictable. Despite the drawback, here [...]

All the bros over at HoeSalad would agree that Kim Kardashian is one sexy skittle bitch (for those less female-derogatory-term familiar, this is defined as “a female who is annoying and who tends to wear multi-colored clothing.“) Don’t take our word for it, though. Check out this famous skittle bitch below: (side note, be expecting [...]

This coming weekend, if you have nothing to do, put down your penis and go give J.J. Abrams and Steven Spielstein your eleven dollars. See Super 8. What they have for you is what happens when E.T. and the Cloverfield monster make dirty love in the back of Universal Studios. When the movie started, I [...]

Girls are like tuna in the sea, ready to be snagged by your fishing nets. Here are some pickup lines that will get you knee deep in the muff.   The Lines   If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head? My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried [...]

Let’s face it, everyone wants to bang their friend’s hot mom. Not only is your friend’s mom smoking hot, but you will be able to rub it into your bro’s face the rest of his life. Here is what you have to do.     How to Accomplish the Task The first thing that you [...]