Asses up, bitches!

Posted by Tiff in Our freeplaylife | 16 comments

I swear on a stack of freshly made BLT’s with avocado on top, I fucking love all your self portraits! I love looking through your personal history pins on pinterest.

I know, I know, looking back at the past wasn’t exactly many people’s cup of tea. Some of you have even gone so far as to *gasp* boycott this little challenge.

That’s cool. Go at your own speed. I can’t make anyone do anything, it’s just a suggestion.

But I wouldn’t be a bitch if I didn’t also point out that I have carefully and painstakingly devised each one of these challenges based on my own personal blood,sweat, tears, and experiences…and if you don’t follow along you are totally dead to me. DEAD! I want to look around and see sparkling, happy, tuned in, connected, playful, whimsical, powerful, awesome bitches in this world. This is gonna take a fucking revolution since our culture doesn’t reward sparkling, connected, playful, whimsical, powerful bitches in any form. We gotta fight the power, man! We gotta reclaim ourselves.

To do this, you have to claim all of you. You are doing that by seeing yourself in photos. You are doing that by seeing yourself in the past and present.

And you know what else, bitches who complained about this challenge? I’m taking it up a notch. Oh yes I am. This has developed a bit spontaneously, after a picture that I was planning on blogging here ended up going rogue and posting itself via instagram on my facebook page and then on the feeds of not only my friends but their friends as well. It woulnd’t have been so bad except it was a picture of my ass. Et voila:

you know, it was going to be something about how we need to love ourselves to the core…everything we are…blah blah blah blah. Instead, my ass appeared on facebook without any point of reference. And since it wasn’t supposed to be there, I had no idea until some time had gone by and I logged in again after a while. My friends friends were all like, “dude, why is your friend Tiffani’s ass all over my feed?” As you might imagine a picture of an ass gets a lot of comments from the peanut gallery which continually updates on the feed. So it literally kept showing back up like I was popping and locking it all over facebook. And then one thing led to another…

You know where this is going.

Asses up, bitches! If you feel you can share and not feel or be exploitive (like, for instance, I love that ass shot of mine. I like the statement, I like how it looks, I’m totally fine with people looking at it…) then join in. I will give you a quick tutorial, as I am now well versed in ass shots. Believe it or not, this is not unique to many fine women photographers that I know on flickr. We’ve been doing silly shit like this since 2009!

HOW TO TAKE PHOTOS OF YOUR OWN ASS: a tasteful tutorial.

*Lie down on your stomach and then face the camera backwards so that you take a shot of your ass top down. You can also do this standing up. This erases any signs of ass sag since you can’t really see any of the problem ass areas if you do it right. This is the perfect way to start out taking ass shots. ie (this is not my ass but I wish it were):

*hold your camera in one hand and swing it around back, snapping pictures the whole time. This is a crap shoot (bwahahaha no pun intended), you wont know what you’ve got until you look through the pictures.

*use your self timer. This is what I did for the picture up above. I manually focused it where I was going to stand, set it on a tripod, and then stood there while it counted down 10 seconds.

*reflection shot. You’ll have to face away from the mirror, then turn around in a saucy little pose while you take a picture. Probably having the camera turned towards the mirror will work best. Kind of like this, except focused on your ass and not your face (and if anyone jokes they can’t tell the difference in this picture, I’ll find and cut you…)

Even if you never make them visible, you owe it to yourself and to your ass to photograph it and love it. Love your ass! I don’t want to hear any talk about “but it’s so dimply” “but it’s so white” “but it’s so big” “but it’s so little” “but it’s so saggy” etc., etc. None of that! It’s a part of you, and as such, it’s simply divine.

If anyone’s ass does join mine on instagram/facebook (bwahahahahha) I will include your name twice in the drawing for every shot between now and Sunday. Think of it as extra credit or something.

At the very least, I hope you realize that I could be a real asshole (*zing!*) with these challenges and be asking you to do some down and dirty shit like an all ass flash mob on facebook. Instead, I’m all, “Let’s pin pictures onto pinterest! Wheeeeee!” I hope that gives you some perspective in time for next weeks challenge…

Happy snapping

16 Comments

1. 

   Jen / February 3, 2012

   I am still a beginner awesome bitch. I have a hoop. I can do that. I am not ready for advanced awesome bitch quite yet. I like my ass, and I like that my husband likes it, and I like that it’s on the opposite side of my eyes.

   Reply
2. 

   jean / February 3, 2012

   Not in this lifetime! But, have fun with that

   Reply
3. 

   Lisa / February 3, 2012

   I am going to cheat and photograph the classic bent arm crevice. Freckly cheek look

   Reply
4. 

   Erika / February 3, 2012

   Wish I had a better camera to do it with ;o)

   Reply
5. 

   Team Suzanne / February 4, 2012

   Ummm…if I had an ass like that I’d already have a picture gone public. That would be easy. Fun, even. Gratifying. It’s when your ass doesn’t look like a Victoria’s Secret ad that you’ve got yourself a significant challenge.

   Reply
6. 

   shannon / February 4, 2012

   funny his should come up .. as my work out today was actually titled “killer buns and thighs” so it only seems fitting to take a picture of my ass now .. and then one in a couple of months to see what sort of killer ass I end up forming ..

   This totally made my day!

   Reply
7. 

   kathy / February 4, 2012

   I need to do about 2 months worth of squats before I take a picture of my ass for public viewing…and prettier undies

   Reply
8. 

   Devon / February 4, 2012

   This makes me contemplate switching teams…

   Reply
9. 

   Tiffany / February 4, 2012

   hmm….. give me a day or so and I’ll see what I can come up with!! ( of course pregnant asses ALWAYS look big, white and dimply, right!?!?? ) LOL!! Ah, Tiff….you really do look super in your pics… I’d pose nekkid if I was as happy with myself as you seem to be…!! The bigger I get baby wise, the more inclined I am to feel as if I am stepping out of my body and so am MORE comfortable with my self the more pregnant I get!! Watch out world eh?!?! LOL!!

   Reply
10. 

    Sarah / February 4, 2012

    Im kind of buzzed- can we do this without pinterest (which I’m currently avoiding)????

    Reply
11. 

    Jemma / February 4, 2012

    Oh I can so rise to this challenge! In fact I can do rehashing history plus my ass all at the same time…..

    Reply
12. 

    Alex / February 4, 2012

    “This is gonna take a fucking revolution since our culture doesn’t reward sparkling, connected, playful, whimsical, powerful bitches in any form.” So true! My cosmic sparkly pic created some comments. Anyway, I won’t be sharing my ass on facebook but I will take a pic and very likely share it on instagram and maybe even flickr…with privacy settings. And I have a brand new camera to do it with. I am game

    Reply
13. 

    JessicaS / February 9, 2012

    OK mamas, I’m jumping into the challenge a bit late, but with both cheeks! (Actually, my first photo only has one cheek. I’d say with some certainty that there will be more ass revealed in the near future.)
    Not gonna share on fb but started an instagram acount. Will keeping it set to private make it too hard to share my ass with you? Can I upload my ass directly to freeplaylife? How do I tag photos in instagram?
    So many questions, so much ass, so little time.

    Reply
    • 

      JessicaS -> Jessica S. / February 9, 2012

      That should be Jessica S. Not Jessicas. There is only one of me. Unfortunately.

      Reply
      • 

        Jessica S. -> JessicAss / February 9, 2012

        Perhaps this name is more appropriate?

        Reply
14. 

    deb taylor / February 14, 2012

    ass up!!

    www.flickr.com/photos/debdidit/6826460841/in/photostream

    Reply