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February 18, 2012 — dorkydebI don’t like to talk about my illness a great deal. It depresses me to talk about it too much and I prefer to stay positive. I have talked about it at times here, especially when it applies to the situation I’m talking about (like why I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me in the Seeing Things post). But generally, I don’t like to dwell on it.
The internet is my escape. The place where I am, for the most part, equal – not disabled. I like that. I also don’t like pity, it makes me uncomfortable. I deeply appreciate support and understanding. But pity makes my skin crawl.
So… it is with reservation that I write this. But it is a big part of my life right now and honestly, I could use all the prayers and positive thoughts I can get.
I’ve been “off” from my normal for several weeks. But things shifted quite a bit worse on Sunday. I’ve had two brief, but scary, airway collapses this week. Today is my third day without being able to swallow any solid food. Last night and this morning I had problems with swallowing liquids as well.
On the upside, I’ve seen a little improvement in the weakness in my arms and legs since yesterday. I just need for my throat muscles to get on board and improve as well. Since things like eating and breathing are fairly important.
On a lighter note, my crocus are in bloom early this year. Here’s a photo of the first one that came up:
And several more were in bloom by the next day (yesterday). Sam was very “helpful”, following me around and sitting on them!
That’s really the story of my life, me trying to take pictures of things and one of my dogs or cats sitting/laying on the subject of my photograph. LOL
I was determined to get the shot I really wanted, and unable to bend over at the right angle and hold the position. So I sat on the ground to get this shot:
It is not photo-shopped. It is only sized down for internet use, and copyright added. That is all the natural color and bokeh. I liked it so much that I made the full size version, my current desktop photo.
It’s bright and cheery. They are the first thing to pop through and look beautiful after a barren winter and they’ve always reminded me that life goes on.
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4 Comments
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mo says: February 18, 2012 at 11:24 pm
Deb, The flower pics are beautiful as are all of your pictures! Here in Chicago, at this time of the year we are usually shoveling snow, but the weather has been so mild I won’t be surprised if I see my crocus popping up. It is hard to talk about our individual illness and how it affects our lives, but if it helps to talk about it that is what you need to do. I complain all the time, and you are always so cheerful! Take care.
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dorkydeb says: February 19, 2012 at 1:44 am
Thank you, Mo. We are supposed to be getting a shovelable (LOL – I’m pretty sure that is not a word, that I just used) snow tomorrow. Well, technically today since it’s after midnight. We’ve had a very mild winter as well, so everything is a bit ahead of normal schedule here. There are even buds on my Mom’s lilac bush! I don’t know what will be left after the coming ice and snow.
Feel free to complain all you want or need to!
It doesn’t bother me when other people do it (I swear). It’s just that talking about my own issues too much brings me down. But that’s just me. It helps too, that I have my husband who I can talk to about most of it. Some things I can’t though. And I admire those of you that are able to be a little more forthcoming and raw about that stuff. Trust me, I’m not always cheerful. But I do have a positive outlook most of the time. I admit I’m struggling with that right now at times. Hard to see a way out of this one. But I still have hope. I’m stubborn that way. Reply
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Sandra Bell Kirchman says: February 19, 2012 at 1:35 am
Deb, it’s your blog. You can talk about whatever you want. Having said that, I do understand about not wanting to talk about your illness much. This is where you can be equal. Whatever you want to say, I’ll be here
Your flower pictures are beautiful. How magical to have flowers in February. We still have snow on the ground, but, like Mo, it has been really mild this winter, wonderfully so.
Just one little thing…the first pic looks like a tulip to me, not a crocus. Am I seeing things?
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dorkydeb says: February 19, 2012 at 1:48 am
Sandra, thank you for “being here”.
I appreciate the friendship of my distant friends here more than you know.I’m glad you enjoyed the pictures. It does feel a bit magical to have flowers in February. It is due to our mild winter as well.
You know, I never realized that it looks like a tulip until you said that. But now I see it too! It isn’t though. It is a tiny little bud on a crocus. It’s not full yet, and only maybe an inch and a half, tall. It looks big because of the angle I shot it. And I shot it very close, on macro. So it appears large. But it’s actually a tiny little crocus.
I used to have some red tulips, but I don’t anymore. My Dad accidentally cut them down with his weedeater one to many times, and they stopped coming back. I haven’t planted new ones because I am *very* allergic to tulips.
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