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Three guys are in a doctor's office
Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy. The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.
Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, I don't care if I die, I need a drink. The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.
Meanwhile, the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk. The gay guy looks over and says, If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead.
Anatomy Class
Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question. He inquired, What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?
Jane blushed and said that she didn't know. Jimmy raised his hand and said, I know! The pupil of the eye. The teacher replied, Yes, very good Jimmy.
The the teacher turned to Jane and said, Jane I have three things to say to you: One -- you have a very dirty mind. Two -- you haven't been studying hard enough. And three -- you're going to be very disappointed!
Muscle Man
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
Just Married
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.'Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''That must have hurt,' said the judge.'No kidding,' said the best man. 'I broke three of my fingers.'
Football Coach
A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldnt possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, Just what the hell is your secret?
Bubba replied, Well, coach, whenever Im about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw em forever!
The coach went home early that day and went straight to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower and, seeing a window of opportunity, tore off his clothes and started banging his member on the dresser.
His wife immediately stuck her head out of the shower and said, Is that you, Bubba?
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