Miscarriage: Grief- Anyone grieving deserves better.
by Ellen DuBois on 03/09/12
My response to the changes to the Bereavement Exclusion in the 2013 American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 and my hat is off to Joanne Cacciatore: (Click here for the full story).
"Proposed changes to the Bereavement Exclusion in the 2013 American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 – DSM 5 – have sparked an outcry in the bereavement community, largely due to MISS Foundation founder Dr. Joanne Cacciatore’s March 1, 2012 blog that went viral over the weekend, with more than 75,000 hits through today. The forthcoming DSM 5 allows providers – psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists – to diagnose Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), a serious mental disease, at their discretion two weeks following the death of a loved one. This prescribed timeframe continues to shrink, from one year in DSM III to two months in the last manual, DSM IV."
Ellen's two cents:
"I talk to women (and their families) nearly every day that have lost a baby, or babies, to miscarriage. Months later they are grieving. Years later they still cry. I cannot imagine, nor can I stomach, placing such a short "time frame" on grief- associated with ANY loss. My stomach did a flip when I read the article and quite frankly, I question the entire moral code of those who constructed this 'amendment', if you will. People are not to be reduced to mere numbers in need of medication after a two week period for doing what is human- grieving after a loss of ANY kind. Medication is not the answer. Support from the medical community and society in general is key to riding out the stormy sea of grief. While in some cases medication and therapy are in order, that's a very personal, individualized, case by case measure. Who is anyone to say, "Enough is enough. Your allotted grieving time is over and if you're not over it...here's a pill." Pardon my paraphrasing, but this simply isn't right and to remain tight lipped would completely go against who I am and what I do. Long rant, I know. But, the words had to come out. Ellen, Host of MiscarriageHelp.com and Author of "I Never Held You". "
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Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
MiscarriageHelp.com is your safe place to share your feelings after miscarriage. Share your feelings, gain support. I am here for you, we are all here for you.
Your miscarriage and all the feelings associated with your loss are real. Your baby was real. I know your pain, and want to help as much as I can. You are heard and cared about here-- and by no means are you alone. I know sometimes it feels like you are, but we, the women and families who have suffered the emotional pain after miscarriage are walking beside you with empathy and understanding.
I've been the Host of MiscarriageHelp.com since 2006, and there are hundreds of posts to read, along with my responses and those of others who opened their hearts - offering support, words of love, hope and so much more.
On this first page, you will find posts from this point onward. Miscarriage posts from 2006-2010, (prior to MiscarriageHelp's new location) are in the "Posts" links in the menu. If you feel ready to open your mind, heart and spirit, please share whatever you're feeling on this page. You'll find the area to post above, (on this page).
There is no right or wrong way to feel after miscarriage. Believe me, I've run the emotional spectrum, as so many of us have after miscarriage. Much Love and Light to you, and loads of support. Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I Never Held You speaks to the heart of women, their families and friends who have either lived through the pain & grief after miscarriage, or who want to better support someone who has. Author Ellen M. DuBois shares her own painful journey after miscarriage taking you from her darkest moments of grief, despair, isolation, anxiety, fear and depression to the steps she took towards healing and recovery. Her suggestions prove to be helpful in balancing the emotional peaks and valleys after suffering such a heartbreaking loss. I Never Held You validates your grief after losing a baby to miscarriage, and assures you that you're not alone in your struggle. With the help of contributing author Dr. Linda Backman, Ed.D., licensed grief counselor, psychologist and author, you'll come to better understand grief- and why it's so important to allow yourself the time necessary to heal. If you're looking for help and support after miscarriage, or want to help someone how has miscarried, this is the book for you. Companion website: MiscarriageHelp.com Click here to visit Amazon.com for Ellen's miscarriage book, I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1) A bit about Ellen DuBois (Bio.) Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com, the companion support site. Having experienced a miscarriage herself, she knows first-hand of the pain, isolation and often dismissive attitudes which accompany miscarriage. She is here to do her part in bringing miscarriage support and awareness to light.
"To those of you who have lost a baby, or babies, to miscarriage, I am deeply sorry for your loss."- Ellen recalls: "I remember going into bookstores searching for something to assure me I wasn't alone in my struggle. Nothing was available back then, (some nineteen years ago). Every time I searched through the maze of books, I'd find ones about having a baby- not losing one-especially not to miscarriage. What about those of us who never got to see or hold our babies?" Hence, I Never Held You was born. It was born out of a need deep within her to reach out to others. She didn't want anyone to feel as alone as she did after her miscarriage.
To Ms. DuBois, healing certainly doesn't mean forgetting. She believes she's forever connected to the baby she lost all those years ago- the baby boy named Alex.
Through Ellen's pain and adversity, strength and support have grown into an outreach to those who have miscarried through both her book and support site, MiscarriageHelp.com.
Ms. DuBois resides in Massachusetts. She is an author, a published greeting card writer with Blue Mountain Arts, Host of MiscarriageHelp.com, and a piano teacher to over 30 students ages five and up.
Please visit Ellen's Author Page for more information on her other work. Send me an email :
ellen@miscarriagehelp.com WHAT I LEARNED BY OLIVIA from Lynda Graham on Vimeo. HOPE ANGEL BRACELETS are hand-made by my mother, Marlane T. DuBois, and me, Ellen M. DuBois. They are hand-strung on durable, clear elastic cord. The beads are beautiful, sparkly, genuine swarovski crystal. We chose durable, elastic cord because one size fits most & they're very light to wear. If you need fewer or extra beads, please let us know. The bracelets are appx. 7" to 7.5" in length, (we now make them up to 8.5" and custom sizing is available at no additional charge), and easily stretch on. Choose your color, size, and inspirational charm: Hope Angel, Believe Angel, Peace Dove, Love (word charm), Trust (teardrop shape charm), Faith, (circular charm w/the word Faith). Click here to visit Hope Angel Bracelets.
Ellen
I Never Held You
Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
By Ellen M. DuBois, Dr. Linda R. Backman Ed.D
Click here to order your copy.
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Ellen M. DuBois
"You want to be comforting, but words fail. You want a remembrance that's lasting, but flowers wilt...You want Sympathy Solutions."
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I Never Held You also available at Barnes and Noble.
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Claire Chew, Grief Recovery Specialist/Spiritual Counselor
310.314.9837 www.clairechew.com
Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry at LaBelleDame
Garden Memorial Rocks & Recognition Trees at The Comfort Company are handcrafted from construction-grade cast stone and personalized to honor your loved one. Free Shipping & Lifetime Guarantee included with each order.