I’m a b*itch and opposites in online dating profiles
You know the song by Meredith Brooks:
Whenever I tell people about myself, almost no matter what I say about myself, I have an inner voice that goes, “Wait one second! I don’t think that’s true.”
Basically, telling someone about yourself often feels like a lie, no matter what you say. Are you a bitch? Well no, not always. Are you a nice person? Well, yeah, except for yesterday when you screamed at the bus driver.
Are you responsible? Well yeah, on the outside. But are you responsible about your health? Maybe not so much.
Are you good with money? Are you smart? Are you happy? Are you religious? Are you calm? Stressed? Angry?
So that is the difficulty. We need to explain who we are but our descriptions fall short and feel like they lack. And that, I believe, is why so many people write a million opposites in their profiles. Things like: I like going out but also staying in. I know how to have fun but I also know when to be serious.
Because it is the most clichéd way to say: Stop judging me. Stop trying to understand me from one silly online profile.
Give me a freakin’ break. I’m no bitch. Well, maybe sometimes.
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There are two issues here.
The first is that most people do not really know themselves. Self-reflection requires more than average intelligence, which by definition is uncommon. It is also is greatly aided by having a strong humanities education, which is practically nonexistent these days. (*)
The second issue is that, as Don Colacho observed, “Allusion is the only way to express what is intimate without distorting it.”
(*) By the way, I do believe that men are more likely to have somewhat more self-knowledge than women, for two reasons: first, the distribution of intelligence (as well as a wide variety of behavioral and personality traits) is less evenly distributed in men than in women, meaning there are more men who are significantly more intelligent; and second, most men must use their personalities to attract women, while most women do not need this.