But I’m Not Supposed to be Here: Starting Over in the Same City
by Ellen Nordahl on February 14, 2010
I’d never planned on staying in Madison after graduation. After five years here, I was ready for a change; something more metropolitan, with better concerts, shopping and warmer weather. With my closest friends in Kansas City and Des Moines, I didn’t have a lot holding me here.
While I struck out in my full-time job search, I was lucky enough to land a marketing internship at a firm in Madison, so in Madison I stayed. As I’m not much for the bar scene, I didn’t have the easiest time connecting with other 20-somethings and meeting new people. Or at least that’s the excuse I used.
It’s easy to feel isolated when your closest friends have moved away, and most people your age have well-established groups of friends. But, starting the next chapter of your life in the same city isn’t as impossible as I’d thought. If you put yourself out there, you’d be amazed to find that there are a lot of other young professionals in the same boat.
Start a book club. I love to read. I also love to talk. Unfortunately, when I searched for book clubs in the Madison area, all of them seemed to be “by invitation only,” or were just an excuse for soccer moms to get away from their kids and gossip under the pretense of discussing the latest Danielle Steele. Not exactly my cup of tea. In November, I logged onto Brazen Careerist and asked if anyone in the Madison Brazenite group would be interested in a book club. I didn’t expect much of a response, but was pleasantly surprised. We had our first meeting in November, and I sat nervously at Barriques, book in hand, feeling a bit like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail (sans the whole romantic bit). Long story short, we’re going into our fourth meeting, and I feel really lucky to have met the people I have.
Host a board game night. Do more than just join a professional organization to expand your network – dive in and start something new. Take a page from the techies in Silicon Valley – suggest hosting board game nights (and offer to head up the effort). While any board game could do, I’d go for Settlers of Catan. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal quotes Mark Pincus, CEO of the gaming start-up behind FarmVille, as saying “Settlers is definitely the new live networking for our crowd.” The game “closely approximates entrepreneurial strategy…and the random rolls of the dice force people to revamp their strategies for winning.” Sounds like a winner to me.
Get a dog. When my friend got Bauer, his Boston Terrier, his number of friends on Facebook seemed to increase exponentially. When I asked him why, he replied with two words: “Dog Park.” It made sense – dogs are a great way to break the ice and meet new people. If you can’t have a dog at your apartment, or don’t want the responsibility of having one, think about volunteering at your local Humane Society. Chances are they’re in need of dog walkers, and you get some of the perks of having a pet without the downsides.
Move. It’s tempting to stay in the campus area of your city – it’s familiar, the rent is cheap, and if it’s anything like Madison, the night life is centered there. I moved to a new neighborhood just a mile away from campus, and it’s shown me a side of Madison I completely missed as an undergraduate. As it turns out, there’s still a lot to discover in this city.
Tagged as: Generation Y, Personal Growth
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I'm glad your path in life has kept you in Madison. Hopefully I will be moving there soon. Maybe if I'm lucky I could get a chance to meet you
I'm currently going through a hybrid experience of what you're talking about. I'm starting the "adult adult" phase of my life in the city (Austin) that I grew up in, but went out-of-state for undergrad and law school. While I maintained contact with most of my high school friends, essentially I was starting a phase of my life, that some of my friends weren't at, yet. It is an experience, being one part "townie" but also having the out-side prospective of a newcomer. And I agree. Putting yourself out there (suited to your interests, or maybe outside the box) is the only way to get over isolation.
That would be an experience! Austin is where I'd like to relocate to (eventually)...as a new-comer in some ways, has it been easy for you to connect with new people?
I've never had a problem connecting with people, but being "new" to the city was a good opening when out at events/mixers. What really helped was narrowing on specific communities (for me legal and the Capitol) and then expanding out from there. It has been a mix of organic growth and proactiveness on my part. You'll find thought, and this has been verified by others, that the professional/social circles in Austin run pretty tight. Again it's just a matter of putting yourself out there.
That's definitely good to know - thanks! If I make the move, I'll research a few professional networks and be ready to jump in right away.
This is a great post for 20 somethings looking to start over after college. I think the social aspects of beginning as a young professional can be really tough for some people. Thanks for providing the good insight!
Thanks for reading, Amy! Your blog name is really clever - looking forward to checking it out!
So funny, I was thinking about writing a similar post. I've been wanting to leave Madison for awhile, but I always come back to realize that it's more what you put into it than the city itself. Also, you should check out MadisonMagnet.org, although you probably already have. It saved me from going crazy after college and is a great place to meet people and find common interests.
It does help when you explore new options within the city, but some things (like the weather) can be deal breakers. Is there a certain place you'd like to move to, or are you just ready to try something new? I did check Magnet out but have been terrible about actually getting involved..no more excuses though - I need to get myself out there.