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Galasso
Galasso
seems to believe that he is actually the despot of a ruthless,
fascist organization. Sure, many would say managing a retail
store isn't too different, but--
Well, okay.
It's really the same thing.
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Ethan
A
failed stand-up comedian, Ethan has settled for working retail.
Amazingly, retail has not broken him yet. He still has that
shimmer of hope for the future and his fellow man. Whether this
is due to the strength of his resolve or just plain old ordinary
denial depends on your personal level of cynicism.
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Amber
Amber is
uneasy when dealing with people, so Cheese only knows why she
runs the customer service desk. It probably has to do with how
she feels more secure behind the counter, with a solid barrier
between herself and real li-- er, customers. She has an Internet
boyfriend.
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Robin
A hyperactive,
sugar-infested crackpot, Robin has few boundaries and even less
patience. She notices the worst things and asks the wrong questions.
Robin knows she has a body, and she knows to use it,
but she's still working on the how. She's got a thing
for Ethan, but he may be gay.
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Mike
Mike is
rumored to have ruined a five-year-old girl's birthday party
by training a fleet of squirrels to publically mate with her
mother (up the butt, probably) at the dinner table in front
of her and her friends. This was not to make himself feel superior.
This was not a power trip. Mike is just an asshole. Claim anything
else, and you're reaching.
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Faz
Shortpacked!'s
new recruit has an infuriatingly smug grin you'd love to remove
with a grenade launcher. He's got some amoral ideas on how to
succeed in the workplace, and it's even more infuriating that
they seem to work.
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Rick
He loves
ninjas with every part of his body. Especially his pee-pee.
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Ronnie
He's the
fortieth President of the United States.
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Conquest
Galasso
named his daughter after his favorite pastime. She prefers to
go by "Conni." It's not known how Galasso managed
to end up with a daughter, but somehow it happened anyway. All
we're sure of or care about is that it was a legal number of
years ago.
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