Fred Willard arrested at Tiki Theater

July 20, 2012

Fred Willard was arrested wednesday night for (allegedly) jacking off in the Tiki Theater in Los Angeles. Christine Pelisek at The Daily Beast has the best coverage: The Tale Behind Fred Willard’s Arrest in an Adult Film Theater.

Everyone’s first question is, Why would anyone go to a movie theater to jack off in 2012? Who knew that XXX movie theaters still existed? My best guess is there’s some retro appeal, like middle-class women who make their own soap.

According to Cinema Treasures, the Tiki Theater is “the only theatre showing straight porn in the greater metropolitan Los Angeles area. Screening video/DVD on a very small screen, it use to have girls stripping between triple-features, but no longer.”

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Tiki Theater, Los Angeles

A nearly exact replica shows up in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

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Tiki Theater in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

If the LAPD has its way, the Tiki Theater won’t be around much longer. From the Daily Beast story:

“Police come here for routine checking,” says Jafor, a native of Bangladesh who sits in a cloudy glass ticket booth at the front of the theater house, handing patrons a yellow ticket good for four hours before they step through the turnstile (the sign above reads “Money No Back”). “They [police] have come here many many times. Sometimes four or five times a week. They are checking to see if people are drinking or jacking off.”

Jafor says police have stopped by the theater more than 40 times since Nov. 26, 2011, and have arrested 23 people. “It has happened many, many times,” he says. “Sometimes we see pants open.”

According to TMZ, Willard might beat the rap based on the wording of the California anti-public-jackoff law, which makes it illegal only within view of people who “might be offended”. The other four patrons of the Tiki Theater were unlikely to be offended by a fellow nostalgic raincoater, reasons TMZ.

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Metalocalypse Slash

July 16, 2012

If, like Daze, you’re reeling from last night’s Metalocalypse season finale, try soothing the long wait for season five with the brutally intimate fanfic at SlashKlok.

Metalocalypse slash. I had no idea this existed, but I’m so happy it does.

Non-surprising revelation: everybody wants to fuck Toki.

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Fifty Shades of Grey Porn Parodies, Continued

July 13, 2012

About six weeks ago, Daze Reader surveyed sundry Fifty Shades of Grey porn parodies in the works. Everything in that post is now wrong. Here we’ll survey the current state of FSoGPPdom, before the porn biz changes its collective mind yet again.

Adult Source Media first announced plans to make a XXX version of Fifty Shades of Grey back in April. ASM insisted it was not making a porn parody, but rather a faithful porn adapation. Lawyers for EL James fired off a lawsuit threat, and she can afford some good lawyers these days. Would ASM back off or push forward with its XXX adaptation?

The answer is … neither, or both, sort of.

Adult Source Media has two main lines: hardcore cartoons (aka hentai) like Alice In Wonderland and I Love Tentacles, and live-action romance porn like Book of Love and Desire under the “Intimate Encounters” label. Their proposed Fifty Shades of Grey adaptation was to be an “Intimate Encounters” release.

Since the lawsuit threat, we hadn’t heard anything — until this week, when ASM pulled a switcheroo and announced an upcoming hentai version of Fifty Shades of Grey, entitled Fifty Shades of Hentai. The cover art looks wild.

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Fifty Shades of Hentai – Adult Source Media XXX cartoon parody of Fifty Shades of Grey

No one could possibly mistake that for an authorized adaptation, so goodbye lawyers.

Meanwhile, Jim Powers had announced plans to make a porn parody of Fifty Shades Darker for Smash Pictures. They chose the second book out of deference to ASM’s project. With ASM ditching its romance porn adaption, Powers and Smash have changed the title of their film to … Fifty Shades Of Grey: A XXX Adaption. Hello lawyers!

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Fifty Shades of Grey: A XXX Adaptation – directed by Jim Powers, starring Allie Haze, released by Smash Pictures

Jim Powers has made some goofy raunchy porn parodies over the years, but he has recently gotten into the couples romance porn genre for Smash with Forever Love Trust and Diary of Love: A XXX Romance Adaptation of “The Notebook”. Smash must believe it’s legally in the clear on these XXX adaptations of famous romance novels. Nicholas Sparks probably has pretty good lawyers as well.

Meanwhile, low-budget studio White Ghetto briefly placed This Isn’t 50 Shades of Grey … It’s a XXX Spoof! on its release schedule in June. Soon after our last post, however, White Ghetto dropped that title and swapped This Isn’t Back to School … It’s a XXX Spoof! into that release slot. White Ghetto churns out these “XXX Spoof” releases every 2-3 weeks, and they rarely have any “spoof” content beyond the titles and box covers. Last week they dropped This Isn’t Piranha 3DD … It’s A XXX Spoof!. Their upcoming spoof slate includes The L Word, Shaft and Friday Night Lights — no mention of Fifty Shades of Grey.

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Sexual Tension Demotivational Posters

June 29, 2012

Do people still make demotivational posters? They’ve been around since the meme stone age. Still, the Sexual Tension submeme was new to me, and a few made me laugh.

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When will someone make an Archie Comics porn parody already?

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Fossilized Turtle Sex at Messel Pit

June 27, 2012

Amazing archaeological find at the Messel Pit in Germany: Turtle sex act frozen in time, “the first known case of animals with backbones found copulating in the fossil record”.

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Diggers have found nine pairs of turtles in mating poses at the site. Does this mean that both turtle sex partners died during or right after the fun? Apparently that’s exactly what it means, according to fossil turtle expert Walter Joyce.

“The chances of both partners dying while mating are extremely low, and the chances of both partners being preserved as fossils afterward even lower. These fossils show that the fossil record has the potential to document even the most unlikely event if the conditions are right.”

The very fact that so many turtles died while mating at Messel Lake suggests something odd was going on there. Joyce and his colleagues suggest the permeable skin that may have helped these turtles breathe underwater may have accidentally doomed them.

Today, turtles often begin the sex act in open waters, sinking during copulation. The researchers suggest that while the upper layers of Messel Lake were hospitable enough to allow turtles to live, its deeper layers may have been a toxic death trap, perhaps from the buildup of volcanic gases or poisonous decaying organic matter. Such an embrace would have proved lethal for many turtle couples at this lake, Joyce said.

There’s a safe sex lesson in there. Everyone likes having sex at the lake, but check for a buildup of volcanic gases before things get too hot and heavy.

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Game of Thrones sex and nudity compilation

June 26, 2012

Courtesy of Huffington Post and AOL On, someone has spliced together every bit of nudity and/or sex from the first two seasons of Game of Thrones.

Since AOL and HBO are part of the same media conglomerate, I assume this compilation is semi-authorized.

Now someone please, please, please tell me that there’s a corresponding True Blood sex and nudity compilation out there.

Seriously, HBO should consider making this a standard extra on their DVD box sets, like blooper reels except for boobs and butts.

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Octomom solo porn flick coming soon

June 15, 2012

The Octomom porn flick is really happening, and it might be available online very soon. TMZ ran 18 censored photos from the production yesterday. (TMZ.com’s permalink for the article is “octomom-porn-solo-nude-topless-masturbation-pictures-photos”. Now that is some solid SEO.) TMZ ran some photos of Nadya Suleman from the first day of shooting in early May. That early [...]

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Border Patrol agents arrested for Cirque du Soleil blowjob

June 13, 2012

Sex in public has never been a kink of mine, but I understand the appeal. But this is still way messed up. Short version: Border Patrol agents Kallie Helwig and Gerald Torello went to see Cirque du Soleil at the Del Mar Fairgrounds near San Diego. Alcohol-fueled PDA led to Kallie going down on Gerald. [...]

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1915 Study of Penguin Sex Habits Discovered and Published

June 11, 2012

Dr. George Murray Levick, medical officer on Captain Robert Scott’s 1910-13 South Pole expedition, wrote a short treatise on the “Sexual habits of the Adélie penguin”. Those habits were so objectionable that Levick’s article was not included with the published expedition report. A limited-edition pamphlet was published quietly and forgotten. However, a curator at the [...]

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Penises on Airtime

June 7, 2012

Buzzfeed has an outstanding piece of investigative journalism: The Penis-Shaped Shadow Hanging Over Airtime. ChatRoulette owns the wall-to-wall penis videoconferencing niche. By contrast, new video chat service Airtime has declared a strict no-penis policy. Matt Buchanan and Brian Lam took up the challenge and tried to slip a penis video past Airtime’s “dick algorithm”. Click [...]

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