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In the porn world of sideburned Silverlake "Psychocandy" auteur Benny Profane, whose script for VCA's "Barb Wire Kiss" is a little bit Jesus and Mary Chain but is actually all about Benny, a guy (Zak Smith—remember Zak Smith? This is a story about Zak Smith!) can be flown out to Los Angeles to help with art direction but then find himself atop Veronica Jett who is herself atop a Lincoln Continental with suicide doors.

"Benny's script called for someone who looked exactly like me," Smith said. Smith, who is best known for his labor of love illustrating each page of "Gravity's Rainbow" in addition to his book "Pictures of Girls" (a great tome to leave lying around if one is commitment-phobic), is festooned with tattoos and has a red mohawk that, when placed at Veronica Jett's nether parts for a 69 scene, made it look as if the microscopic porn babe was having at herself with one of those combination ice-scrapers/windshield brushes fools who still live on the east coast use.

"The decision was made that it probably should be me," he said.

With a relatively-low guy population on set (eight crew members and hangers-on compared to three women, one of whom was Jett), Smith handled his first scrutinized scene with aplomb, knowing how to ask for and receive a little assistance from Jett when he, after two hours fucking on a loud, hot, and hard car hood, was left little inspiration for the "pop".

Salvaging aliens will determine from what we leave behind that the reason humanity faltered was because "the fellas kept aiming at their ladyfriends' eyes or coccygeal butterfly tattoos."

We will revisit the set of "Barb Wire Kiss" on Monday, when your humble narrator takes a crack at directing an anal scene.

· Zak Smith (zaxart.com)
· Benny Profane/Profane Pirate (profanepirate.com)
· VCA (vcapix.com)
· "Barb Wire Kiss" Gallery (gramponante.com)

Previously: Fleshbot's Top Ten Hotties of 2005, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive