 |
|
| |
|
| |
|
SOUVENIR EDITION |
|
| If this is the first time you've seen this page we're afraid you missed the action. If you want to know what all the fuss was about, read about the event on your right. | |
| |
|
| |
|
|
We kept our readers up-to-date with 24 news bulletins during the event. |
|
| |
|
| |
The Evil of International Gnomery |
| In the first of three special reports on the Evil of International Gnomery, Chairman Tenji addresses the nation in a rousing speech that reveals the full horror of the Gnome crisis gripping the country. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome Vice Ring Smashed |
| Special Branch officers and a crack team of horticultural negotiators from Kew Gardens raided a popular drinking club in St Neots early this morning after an anonymous tip-off. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Rivers of Blood |
| Despite fears of a horrific backlash from the Gnomish community, Chairman Tenji continues to urge the public to remain calm and exercise restraint. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Police Capture Gnomish Leader |
| Cambridgeshire Police today confirmed that the leader of the increasingly militant Gnomish sect has been detained for questioning and light indoor gardening duties. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Capture provokes 'HatsOff' Protest |
| Text of address to the nation by Chairman Tenji:. "I interrupt this episode of Eastenders to bring you some very serious news. Reports are coming in of a nationwide protest by gnomes..." Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Teens in Gnome Lust Orgy! |
| In the second of three special reports on the Evil of International Gnomery, Neve Milgo receives some shocking photographs of scantily clad, teenage girls shamelessly cavorting with gnomes in broad daylight. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome snatched by Vigilante Satirists |
| Renegade Gnome put on Bread and Water rations. Kidnappers say: "pay up or it will be the worse for the little shit!" Oleg Vimen reports. |
|
| |
|
| |
Gnome digs tunnel and Escapes |
| The Gnome crisis takes an astonishing turn as news leaks of his escape. Chairman Tenji considers possible emergency measures to curb the increased threat from gnomish activists. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Mystery Bidder may save Gnome shock |
| In a disturbing turn of events on the morning of the second day of the auction, a mystery bidder sent a threatening message to the office of the National Satirist Party of England. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome at Large Shock |
| Police, accompanied by a crack team of horticultural experts from Kew Gardens, have been conducting house-to-house searches in the Purley area where the gnome is believed to be at large. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome Hater ups the Auction Anti |
| In a further twist in the saga of the gnome ransom, a hard-line gnome hater raised the stakes at the eBay auction this afternoon. Neve Milgo reports. |
|
| |
|
| |
Gnome Attacks Chicken |
| We ask: is this gnome really as dangerous as we have been led to believe? Was the self-styled Gerald P Floyd really ‘at large’ or just running scared? Oleg Vimen reports. |
|
| |
|
| |
Hunt for Renegade Gnome Continues |
| Police were combing hedgerows and ditches as far afield as Watford Gap today in their hunt for missing renegade gnome. Neve Milgo reports. |
|
| |
|
| |
Gnome Flees on Stolen Motorbike |
| Not content with assaulting a chicken, the renegade gnome, Gerald, has now stolen a valuable, vintage motorcycle in his increasingly desperate attempts to evade capture. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome Factions in Fierce eBay Bidding War |
| The Gnome crisis moved up several gears today when a fierce bidding war erupted between the Gnome Liberation Movement (GLM) and the mysterious, gnome-hater, 'gnomesis.' Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Porridge for Goblin! |
| Britain's favourite chip wrapper lost no time in reporting the capture of the renegade gnome, who was snatched from under the noses of police early this morning. Oleg Vimen and Neve Milgo report. | |
| |
|
| |
GLM Defend Gnome |
| The Gnome Liberation Movement issued a provocative statement today that has enraged the vigilante satirists who recaptured the renegade gnome this morning. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome Interrogated by Vicious Dog |
| After his dramatic recapture by vigilante satirists yesterday, we have learned that the renegade gnome Gerald was subjected to systematic interrogation by a sadistic dog earlier in the week. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnomes target Teens for Sex |
| An inflammatory statement from The Gnome Liberation Movement has fuelled fears of an epidemic of unwanted pregnancies among Britain's teenagers. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome in Guantanamo style Horror |
| In a shocking development, GnomeWATCH news has learned that the recently recaptured gnome may have been subjected to systematic torture by his captors. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnomes Show their Hand |
| In the third and final of our special reports on the Evil of International Gnomery, we lift the lid on the dustbin of the National Satirist Party of England to uncover a fiendish conspiracy. Oleg Vimen reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome Lovers Confess to Wild Sex Orgies |
| GnomeWATCH strips away the crotchless panties from the sticky thighs of the disturbing teenage 'Gnome Love' craze sweeping the nation. Neve Milgo reports. |
|
| |
|
| |
Gnome Lover Bags Gerald! |
| Seventeen-year-old American high school student saves the renegade gnome from an ignominious death at the hands of his captors at the eleventh hour. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
Gnome Goes Home |
| The thrilling conclusion. GnomeWATCH news studio, Good Friday, 2pm. Two technicians are tiptoeing around, dismantling equipment in the semi-darkness.. Neve Milgo reports. | |
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
What do you think of Gnomewatch?
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Content © COPYRIGHT 2006 utterpants.co.uk. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED /140406 |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|