PIX OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN  6:29 pm November 14, 2012

Ladies And Gentlemen, We Present To You: ‘The Shirtless F.B.I. Guy’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

spacer By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have spoken of certain other people’s maternal love. Wait, what? Oh, don’t worry about it. You guys, we got our SHIRTLESS FBI GUY!!1! (Photo from Seattle Times.)

“Fred is a passionate kind of guy,” said one former colleague. “He’s kind of an obsessive type. If he locked his teeth onto something, he’d be a bulldog.”

That description would appear to fit his involvement in the current investigation.

Oh, New York Times, how we love it when you’re a catty bitch.


140 comments  2724 Views

Daily Caller Outraged: Queen Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Downton Abbeys

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

spacer Well we never! Did you know that Queen Michelle Obama is so enamored of the BBC televisionne programme “Downton Abbey” that she “begged” to get season three before the rest of us servants, and they gave it to her??? The Daily Caller knows, and they are, predictably, taking exceptionne.

So much for being an average American citizen. The perks of having the last name “Obama” don’t stop at living luxuriously in the White House or flying around on Air Force One.

In fact, the perks extend to something far more exclusive and unattainable for your everyday American: The Obamas get to watch the third season of “Downton Abbey” before the rest of the country does.

Michelle Obama is so enamored with the series that she just couldn’t wait until it airs in the U.S. in January and “begged” british TV channel ITV to get the third season’s episodes early, UK’s The Telegraph reports. Ask and ye shall receive — if you’re the first lady.

Fetch our pearls that we may don them and then grasp them all to pieces! Why she gotta be like that? Is there something wrong with BET? READ MORE »

270 comments  3253 Views
OUR HERO  3:07 pm November 14, 2012

Barack Obama Will Punch Graham’s and McCain’s Lights Out Probably, He Is So Mad About Them Slagging Susan Rice

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Earlier we brought you the BREAKING NEWS that Senator John McCain is a puckered old asshole, and also why he is full of poo. B. Barry Bamz responded to McCain’s typical slurring of UN Ambassador Susan Rice in his press conference today by going all HULK SMASH and practically challenging McCain and his partner in E-vil, Miss Lindsey Graham, to fisticuffs! Here is a thought problem for our Internet friends: Was it SEXISMS by Barack Obama to get all het up on Rice’s behalf? Like, we cannot imagine him being so ruffled and dandery and whatnot if it were, say, Simon Rice under attack? The answer, of course, is YES it is sexisms. But it is our Barry O, so it is okay? READ MORE »

235 comments  4265 Views
LIES FROM THE PIT OF HELL  2:19 pm November 14, 2012

Irish Hospital Lets Woman Die Because Her Life Wasn’t ‘Endangered’ Enough For Abortion

by Doktor Zoom

spacer We were worried that you, the Wonkette Reader, might not have quite enough rage coursing through you today, and so here is the story, via Dan Savage at The Stranger, of Savita Halappanavar, a 31-year-old woman who died in Galway, Ireland, last month after doctors decided that, although she was already miscarrying and there was no chance her 17-week-old fetus could survive, she didn’t quite qualify to have her life saved because the dying fetus still had a heartbeat. Ireland’s abortion law only allows the procedure when the mother’s life is in danger, just like the “moderate” position that Mitt Romney proposed, and which “pro-life” purists (including the 2012 GOP platform) oppose because, as Congressman Joe Walsh asserted in his final debate before losing his bid for reelection, “pro-life” people believe

“There’s no such exception as life of the mother. And as far as health of the mother, same thing, with advances in science and technology, health of the mother has become a tool for abortions anytime under any reason.”

And since they are quite sure of this, it is assuredly so. READ MORE »

173 comments  3808 Views
IN THE PINK  12:52 pm November 14, 2012

Fox News Furious: American Pie Actor Talked Real Icky About Ann Romney’s Butt

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

spacer How come the liberal media never talks about stupid LIEBERALS warring on women, huh? It is like, one side is full of elected officials trying to make it legal for business owners to deny their workers slut pills and hating equal pay for equal work and loving rape, and the other side is an actor and probably Bill Maher saying gross things about Republican ladies’ butts, and how is it fair that these are not treated exactly the same? Fox News, as you would expect, is FURIOUS.

For a guy who’s most famous for having sex with a pie, you’d think his career could only improve. But for actor Jason Biggs, that hasn’t been the case. Biggs has been all over conservative media recently for saying foul things during the presidential campaign about Ann Romney and Janna Ryan. Nickelodeon has choosen the foul-mouthed comedian for voice work in a children’s cartoon.

But in the media, life gets better with a little help from your friends. In this case, it’s the Associated Press’s John Carucci who wrote about the star in a Nov. 13 article where he referred simply to Biggs’s “off-color comments” this year and let Biggs get away with saying, “I made a political tweet, so I got a little bit of heat from the right.”

That should be called journalistic fraud.

Raise your hands if you would like to read the foul things Jason Biggs said about Ann Romney and Janna Ryan! US TOO! READ MORE »

229 comments  6520 Views
JUST WINGING IT WHO CARES  12:10 pm November 14, 2012

Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse

by Rich Abdill

spacer We almost went a day without a “stupid Florida” story. Almost.

In case you have already forgotten and moved on, there was an election eight days ago, and going into it everybody was quite fixated on a small number of states, Florida being one of them. As it turned out, Florida didn’t matter because Obama got 7 billion out of the required 270 electoral votes.

And as that turned out, it was very lucky, because Florida didn’t finish counting its votes until the weekend after, by which time Romney had already canceled his campaign staff’s credit cards and gone home to wallow in his swimming pool full of gold coins.

And as that turned out, it was quite lucky as well, because Broward County just found almost a thousand uncounted ballots sitting in a damn warehouse. Serendipity! READ MORE »

138 comments  5336 Views
HOW IT IS DONE  11:27 am November 14, 2012

Bright Young Thing Luke Russert Asks Nancy Pelosi Why An Old Lady Like Her Won’t Step Aside For Someone Young and Cute

by Doktor Zoom

So here is your video of Luke Russert being an ass to Nancy Pelosi at her press conference announcing she intends to continue as House Minority Leader. Because, surely there are some 24-year-olds who would be really good at Dem Leadering. Doesn’t that old lady know that Gen Y always thinks they get to be the boss?

Oh, and speaking of boss, that is how Nancy handles the twerp: Like a BOSS. READ MORE »

162 comments  7748 Views
TEAM OF MAVERICKS  10:28 am November 14, 2012

Man Who Gave Nation Sarah Palin Opines On Someone Else’s Lack Of Intelligence, Qualifications

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

How is noted spotter of talent Senator John McCain responding to the White House’s exploratory sext of placing Susan Rice in Hillz’s sensible shoes at State?

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said on Wednesday that U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice is “not qualified” to become secretary of state and he called her claim that the deadly attack on the diplomatic facility in Benghazi was a spontaneous demonstration “not very bright.” READ MORE »

153 comments  10267 Views
BEGUN THESE NERD WARS HAVE  9:43 am November 14, 2012

Without Gallup’s Crappy Polls, Nate Silver Is Nothing, Says Gallup

by Josh Fruhlinger

spacer One of the “fun” things about presidential elections is that every four years there’s a new dumb thing about the process for political junkies to yell at each other about despite the disinterest or genuine disgust of normals, and this year it’s polling! Did Nate Silver’s devil-math suck all the fun out of democracy, forever? Were the polls skewed because they didn’t reflect Republican understanding of reality? Were Gallup and Rasmussen “in the tank” for Republicans? Well, Gallup Editor-in-Chief Frank Newport has decided to weigh in on this controversy, and would like you to know that (a) Gallup was not wrong, because it abruptly stopped picking Romney to win by 7 points several days before the election, and (b) Nate Silver is a parasitic remora clinging to the great white s

gipoco.com is neither affiliated with the authors of this page nor responsible for its contents. This is a safe-cache copy of the original web site.