This li’l chickadee is all zen-like in her penile relations, enlightened to the art of awakening a sleeping cock from deep within its latex vestment. She helps meditate its mindgrapes until it’s fully aware of the world around it — which eventually turns out to be her bangin’ bod, as it happens.

What, you didn’t know that giant black wangs are the preferred prey of cougars and their cubskies in the wild? But there’s a true art to downing a wang of this size — it’s a good thing little Anikka Albrite has got the incredible prowess and wisdom of Julia Ann as her guide.

Picnics are generally a good time for everyone — friends are happily chatting in the pleasant outdoors, snacking and drinking all the while. But we haven’t quite seen a spread in which the watermelon has the best time of all. Seriously, we feel bad for any melons that are relegated to being chunked up and eaten or pulverized for lowly seed-spitting contests. Next time, try to get into the shopping basket of this lady.

Or at least across the ethereal bod of this babe. And if heaven could suck our balls like this chick does, we’d probably come a lot like this guy. He’s fervid, he’s rhapsodic, he’s got a cock that’s unleashed a whole symphony of spooge into the world. It’s paradise on earth, we tell ya.

You never know what you’ll find in a hall of locked doors — behind one could be the most magnificent garden; behind another could be a room of treats and tinctures that warp you all the way from miniscule to brobdingnagian in size. Or, you could find a massively stacked babe with a dude connected to her pussy via powerful suctioning gas mask. It’s a real magical place, that hall.

If there’s any sight that can warm our cold little hearts, it’s that of a sexy dude who can take a massive dildo up the ass like a champ. It’s a good thing his little lady broke out the gym shorts for this one, because she and her trusty strap-on are about to get a hard workout.

Especially when said chick demonstrates her love by gettin’ all bouncy-like in cowgirl form. It seems to be a perfect means of showcasing exuberance. Although we guess it’d be a little strange if we responded to all things we love this way — say, for example, the most perfect Japanese eggplant or our favorite fountain pen.

Sure, sometimes in a pinch any regular, run-of-the-mill storebought asshole will do. But when you really want to treat yourself, why not go for the freshest artisanal teen ass out there? It looks great and tastes even better.

We don’t mean to reduce ourselves to blithering fanboys but… nope, wait, we do. Lexi Belle is worth it. Lexi Belle is the kind of girl that reminds your jaded correspondents why people become totally obsessed with porn stars and wish they were their girlfriends. She roller skates in sequined shorts and humps fountains and does girls like she means it or does two guys at once or tells a date they can skip food and go straight to fucking and she grins and puts her hand on her face like she just heard a great joke when she’s getting fucked in the ass and her cum drunk face is just divine.

If you are going to make a pun out of something trendy and popular, especially if it’s”erotica” like “Fifty Shades of Grey” and especially if you’re making a porno, and there’s such a close correspondence there, you gotta at least try. Which is why “Fifty Shades of Pink” is so promising. Cuz you know. Pink. Like pussy. Isn’t it amazing how many different colors pussy can be? We’re talkin’ different pussy but also super-aroused pussy and well-pounded pussy and pussy-at-rest and… good god almighty, we lost ourselves there…what were we just talking about?

The weekend is upon us! And along with all the general fun that entails, we mustn’t forget to solemnly observe our tradition — Facial Friday. And we’re in a much better position to appreciate this occasion than this babe, because her eyes are all gunked up with jizz.

Now that’s a train after our own heart. We generally like to spend our time on the rails lazing around the dining car oversnacking and contemplating the world as it whizzes by our window. But hell, we’d slap our overpriced cheese plate aside in a heartbeat to get onboard with this spitroast. It makes for a much more exciting sort of snack.

So many wonderful things come in pairs: dinner and a movie, sturm und drang, salt and pepper, busty blondes with mad BJ skills. The latter works best, however, with another element added to the mix. And what makes the perfect complement? A giant black cock, that’s what. It’s a match made in heaven.

This is a talented lady. She can make all the arrangements to get tittyfucked while also managing to work her tongue along this quickly moving cock. And, perhaps our favorite undertaking is when she bestows that adorable dickhead with a precious little kiss. It makes us want to give a million kisses to our favorite dicks, too. Spread the love! Dick kisses for all.

We know some people fall in love with inanimate things, like cars and fences and even the Berlin Wall, but how exactly can one love a BJ? It’s so ephemeral, even ethereal, floating away on strands of gossamer as it slips from this existence. But, uh, we really wanna find a way to commit ourselves to this one. You know, because of our feelings.

Imagine stepping out of your door to see babes and studs all wearing skimpy underthings and sky-high stilettos… That would be a beautiful sight! Checking the mail or walking the dog would become such a sexy ordeal. We guess the only problem is the whole (18+) world would have raging boners to deal with all the time. Hmm. Maybe we should just leave it to Alysa Gap, because she looks freakin’ fly.

That’s what the good girls do, you know. Or, at least, the good bad ones. We suppose there are vast differentiation s between levels of “badness”, if you will. You could be the kind of bad that slaughters young women to bathe in their blood (like Elizabeth Bathory, that wild-ass bitch) Or you could be the kind of bad girl that goes off to sneak a quick dildo session when you should be doing homework. As far as we know, this babe falls into the latter, and we like it. We’ve always been suckers for a naughty streak.

It’s open season for creampies, you know. They’re out frolicking in the wilderness, and it’s up to us intrepid hunters to seek them out and — well, we’re not going to taxidermy them and hang them on the wall or anything, but we should record their capture. You know, for posterity.

Oh, we do love to be smashed facedown into the couch (or mattress, or floor, or what-have-you) and be pounded into submission by a business-minded cock. We also like having a hard shaft rammed deep into our throat. When positioned facedown on the couch, though, achieving both simultaneously can be kind of a challenge. But if you’re Charity Banks? You make it work.

All those unblinking, empty eyes gazing out upon the looming sunset cute married couple gettin’ into some doggy — we can only imagine what sorts of unspeakable acts those things have been privy to! Lucky ducks…