FYI: Honey Badger Don’t Care
I know there are big things going on in the world and for the most part, I’m a rather positive person.
But with that crap out of the way, let’s be honest. It’s usually those annoying little things that drive you nuts, that make you want to poke your eyes out with a dull letter opener or unleash the beast on a (most likely not innocent, but annoying) bystander.
Screw perky.
I present to you my evidence of crappy little things:
- Hearing part of a song you hate and getting it stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
- Thinking it’s later in the day/week than it actually is.
- Having a mysterious beep somewhere in your house that you just can’t locate.
- Locating that beep and then not being able to figure out how to get it to stop.
- Falling up the stairs.
- Getting halfway through a book you were excited about only to realize that it isn’t going to get any better.
- Somehow peeing on your hand when wiping without any idea how.
- Realizing you’re the only one who has ever peed on your hand when wiping without any idea how.
- Having a DVD skip and then stop halfway through a movie.
- Trying to throw a chewed piece of gum out the window only to have it a) stick to the outside of the window, b) stick to your hand or c) come flying back into the car. All can actually happen in that order with the same piece of gum. Trust me.
- Missing your mouth entirely with a water bottle.
- Somehow getting stuck in an article of clothing you’re trying on in the store.
- Typing a whole e-mail message or blog comment only to hit “publish” and have it mysteriously disappear into cyberspace.
- Typing a whole e-mail message or blog comment only to hit “publish” entirely too soon or possibly when you shouldn’t have hit “publish” at all.
- Finding a used band-aid anywhere.
- Dropping something in the toilet two seconds after thinking, “It would suck if this fell into the toilet.”
- Getting a captcha wrong and feeling like a dumbass.
- Realizing the digital TV Guide hates you, as it listed one program as scheduled to be on but ran another one instead.
- Going to the store for one thing and remembering that you forgot that one thing as you’re already checking out.
- Getting stuck behind someone at the store that just remembered they forgot something as they’re checking out, but decides to hold up the line and go get it anyway. Don’t be that person. We will hate you.
- Not being able to remember where you know someone from or their name after having a full conversation with them.
- Spilling rice.
- Realizing that all of these things happened to you this week alone and that these are just the ones you can remember.
However, all is not doom and gloom, my friends. These are simply pesky little annoyances and for the most part, I honestly don’t care.
No big whoop.
But if for some reason you’ve had a bad week or dropped your phone in the toilet (serves you right if you were using it in the bathroom, by the way) check out my funny animal video for the day.
Care to share the pesky little things from your week?
Honey Badger might not care, but I do…at least for now.
Spill it.
17 Responses to FYI: Honey Badger Don’t Care
You’re not alone. Pee hand happens.
So does getting “born this way” stuck in your head and wanting to drink bleach to make it stop.
And spilling rice is the worst, second only to couscous.
This is so my life right now. They are building a house (or trying to at least) next door and for the last week at exactly 7:00am there is an incessant beeping noise (sometimes 2 different beeps) all day long. Like right now. But hey, it’s Friday and I’ve got my fingers crossed that the beeping will stop for at least a day or two.
And I am still finding little kernels of brown rice in my kitchen from an unfortunate incident dating at least 2 weeks ago.
I found your blog from Eden’s and love it already. So refreshing!
All of those annoying things have happened to me. This week’s pet peeves were putting on my favorite jeans realizing I shrunk them in the wash, someone stealing my parking spot, and realizing I went through an entire meeting with spinach in my teeth. Awesome.
The worst part, or maybe it is a good thing, depending on how you look at it, is when those songs you hate get stuck in your head and you grow to actually enjoy them.
I’d have to say I’ve been doing all right lately and nothing has bothered me that much except for maybe the fact that my roommate still snores no matter how much I bring it up and no matter how many times I shake my bottle of iron pills in the middle of the night to disrupt his slumber. I’m still tempted to buy a squirt gun…
Hehe, I’ve also watched that video on fb. Fun!
I hate when I have the feling that there was something in my eye but I can’t see anything and rubbing doesn’t make it better, but it itches all the time. So hard!
Also: My skin is a mess. On my hands, it is completely torn, and although I put oily cream on it, it won’t get better because I have a little hand washing compulsion (which unhappily get elicited by putting oily cream on my hands in particular).
Oh, dropping things in the toilet. I HATE THAT!!
-Seeing a Charlie Sheen interview after eating
-Grabbing the the blade instead of the handle on a knife (I suppose this is common for someone who’s “office” is a kitchen)
-Making a really nice dinner and having it fall on the floor with plate making its entirely unedible because of plate shards (because if it weren’t for those shards, I’d totally be eating that off the floor).
Thats it, I’m spent.
I totally had that debate in my head last night, as I had just washed the floors and then dropped food (always.) Of course I picked it up, but I began to wonder if it was better to drop food on clean floors knowing the floor is clean, or to clean the floors after you drop food. I think it’s the first one, but it doesn’t stop me from cursing when my clean floors get crap on them. Unless plate shards are involved, it’s usually consumed anyway.
Falling up the stairs.
God damn I hate that. Especially when it the step mill stairs that I’m running up like a madwoman.
Honey badger can kiss my stair falling ass!
Oh boy, I think 95% of those things have happened to me at one time or another.
How about:
*Getting a song stuck in your head, but NOT knowing the words so you have to kind of hum it and fake words that sort of sound like it. I at least want to KNOW the words.
*Almost every time I write my sister an email I like to start with “Hey sweetie!” and I almost always end up typing “Hey Swee tits!”
*Peeing somewhere and the roll doesn’t roll, so you have to basically pick off each square one at a time.
*Speaking of peeing, drinking WAY too much coffee before going to the grocery store, requiring multiple trips ALL the way to the corner of the store with the cart, then trying to remember where I was before I peed. I did this about 3 times the other day. Love having a pea sized bladder.
*Birds crapping all over my windsheild yesterday afternoon right after it was washed the day before. Yep, NEVER EVER EVER fails. It’s either that or unexpected rain.
*Marching down 4 flights of stairs to heat my lunch up and getting back to my desk just to realize I didn’t grab a fork. Then once I’m back with the fork, realizing I didn’t heat *everything* up. So back down again I go for the 3rd time.
I could go on and on really, but I’ll spare you. Have a great day!
I agree with all of these, except sometimes I like not knowing the words and get disappointed when I find out what they really are. As for the food lunch thing, it never fails that the second I do warm up my lunch, five million people will come into my office and ask me questions about something. Or, I’ll go back to get whatever I forget and get caught in an involuntary conversation, rendering the recently heated up food cold upon my return.
Try falling down the side of a “mountain” and then bouncing your way down. Not everyone dies or is severely injured. Well, maybe our egos.
thank you for making me laugh out loud. i am with you on the pee, on the dropping things in the toilet and the song one. PET PEEVES.
the beep one reminds me of the office when jim hides dwight’s cell phone in the ceiling, and he can’t figure out where the ring is coming from. omg. makes me pee my pants laughing everytime. that may explain how it gets on my hand and things drop in the toilet…
I would like to add to the “DVD getting stuck” sentiment: A show I grew up watching and loved had FINALLY come out on DVD. I received the entire series/every season as a present. Due to extreme stress, I hadn’t had time to watch it. I FINALLY decided to watch a few episodes before bed one day, and was reminded exactly why I loved it so much. I was so happy I had decided to watch it, and couldn’t wait for the next episode to start… only to find out that the dvd disc was CORRUPTED. It froze my tv, and got stuck in my dvd player. I was so upset! It had been one of those “what else can go wrong days”, where it is one thing after another, and my mood was definitely not positive. Just when I was starting to relax and calm down, THIS happened. If I had the energy, I think I might have shattered my TV with the nearest object. I gave up and went to bed instead, only to have the fire alarm in my building go off in my building… what a day. I got the DVD exchanged a week later, and still have been to ‘chicken’ to put it in to see if it works!
Thanks for your list! I also want to add burning beyond repair the only lunch you had packed to the point where “black and crisp” take on a whole new meaning!
Barbara
AND THE WORST- spilling the ENTIRE jar of your morning instant coffee in the water filled sink after a crappy night of sleep, AND HAVING NO OTHER CAFFEINE SOURCE IN THE HOUSE!
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packing your lunch the night before work and then forgetting it in the morning. i also pee on my pants more frequently than i’m comfortable admitting. how about when you squat because you are in a gross place and then forget you are in a gross place and use your hand on the flusher. or when you wash all your bedding and your dumbass boston terrier throws up on it. ugh. mondays.