Exclamation Ratio
Flagrant notational violence of the exclamatory—dare I say inflammatory—variety is rampant and must be extinguished before it does further harm. Ladies and gentlemen, grammarians and countrymen, it’s time to raise public awareness of the overuse of exclamation marks. Allow me to introduce a new tool: the Exclamation Ratio (r).
Definition
The Exclamation Ratio (r) of a group of sentences is the ratio of sentences ending in exclamation marks to sentences not ending in exclamation marks and is formally defined as follows:
r = s / ( t - s )
Where:
t = Total number of sentences. 1
s = Number of sentences ending in exclamation marks. 2
Interpretation
After calculating the Exclamation Ratio (r) for a given set of sentences, the results may be interpreted in the following way:
- 0.00 - 0.10: This is normal; no reason to be alarmed.
- 0.10 - 0.25: The author is playing with fire and must be monitored.
- 0.25 - 0.75: This is getting serious; seek professional help.
- 0.75 - 1.00: Proceed with righteous and snooty smack-down.
- 1.00 - ∞: Repeatedly beat head against nearby wall.
Summary
I consistently receive emails that have a multitude of exclamation marks in near as many sentences. This has grown to be more than a minor annoyance and until now it’s been unclear to me how to deal with this epidemic which is spreading faster than anyone had previously imagined. Some of the emails I’ve received recently have had Exclamation Ratios (r) of 5.00 or higher—off the charts!
The new breed of email demands a verdict. What say you? It’s time for the typographic unification of our punctual selves. Who’s with me? Do you not remember when these egregious vulgarities were once thought to be merely fictional impossibilities? Regrettably, Truman, they are no longer; welcome to this cruel place we call life where glaring crimes are being garishly committed not only without repercussions, but without remorse.
Hear me please. Is anyone listening?
- Sentences not terminated properly with a full stop, ellipsis, exclamation mark or question mark are not counted. This is not English and should not be treated as such. ↩
- If a given sentence has two or more exclamation marks, automatically increase the Exclamation Ratio (r) by one (1) for each extra exclamation mark to aptly reflect the gross inappropriateness of this very special violation. ↩
— 24 July 2006 —
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