Skim Shady

Growing up, due to my parents’ responsible frugality when purchasing “dairy”, my family saved gonzo moola while my knobby knees suckled instant non-fat powdered milk. Cousin, this is my story.

Usually Mom purchased powdered milk in bulk from the local co-op but occasionally we got a gallon of skim from Red Owl to mix with the powdered milk to make it taste more like, well, you know, milk.

Financially, I’ve never fully appreciated the benefit of using powdered milk, but according to Hillbilly Housewife, the average price for a gallon of milk these days is $3.50 - $4.50 and the reconstituted variety will likely set you back less than 2 singles. Hek, even if you’re a Green Bay hippie living on a Wisconsin dairy farm, you’ll still cough up 2, possibly even 3 fazolies for 4 quarts of genuine moo juice.

I remember waking up as a teenager, slamming a couple bowls of Cheerios combined with a half-cup of sugar in a puddle of semi-opaque faux-bovine-extract, and absolutely loving it.

Every once-in-a-while, however, as I was inhaling my AM sustenance, I would get a chunk of non-dissolved flour-like soggy-powder lodged in my fangs and would simultaneously rub my eyes, grimace, and clench my butt-cheeks. Blech, I can taste it now.

I don’t know much about the health benefits or nutritional concerns at play here, but I can say that I’ve had powdered milk for more of my life than real milk and I still have all limbs and organs intact. For that, I’m truly thankful.

— 10 March 2006 —

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