I’m still alive, I promise.
by Hate You Probably on January 19, 2012
So I have taken a slight hiatus from the world of blogging and twitter. Get off my case I had a lot of shit to do, ok? For one, I had to complete my masters degree so I could buy business cards that say “Hate You Probably, MA… Motherfucker” I have included a visual for your viewing enjoyment.
I’ve also been busy at work. Remember when I worked at Nordstrom and wanted to kill myself? Those were the days. But right now work is really busy so I barely have time to trick The Pilot into falling in love with me…which we all know is a full time job.
I also went to the public library for the first time since forever. Did you guys know they have legit indie cds there….FOR FREE? And you can copy them to your computer FOR FREE? Yeah it is like the greatest thing I have ever discovered in the history of human events….so up yours, Descartes, Newton, Columbus, et. al.
And here is the real reason my silence has been deafening: I started watching a lot of tv. Like, a lot. Like so much I feel like an Amish girl on Rumspringa. I want to talk to you all about TLC. What the fuck has happened to that channel? Seriously. Remember when TLC had A Dating Story, A Wedding Story, and A Baby Story marathons every afternoon? And remember when TLC stood for The Learning Channel? Because that TLC no longer exists.
Every time I turn on TLC it is always some slow motion car wreck of humanity. “Extreme Cheapskate”, “Extreme Couponers”, “I Cloned My Pet”, “650 Pound Virgin”, “Strange Sex”…these are just a few of for real shows on that network. Every time I am clicking through and I happen to stop on that fucking channel my plans for the night are ruined because I can’t stop watching the revolting display of my fellow citizens. Like tonight for example, I stumbled upon “I Cloned My Pet”. I was introduced to three absolute fucking lunatics who wanted to clone their dead dogs. One broad had an ugly dog named Trouble who died. She was obsessed with the dog, so much so that on the night he died, she collected the remaining water from his bowl and saved it in her fridge. She also had an entire wall in her spare bedroom dedicated to a mural of the mutt. She was married but now…because of her obsession with the dog…she is divorced. So she spent upwards of $50,000 to have Korean scientists clone her dog. Don’t get me wrong: I think dogs are great and I love my dog but this was way too much for me. And I couldn’t stop thinking how much I longed for the days of old TLC. What the hell is happening to this world? Who watches this shit? Let’s not even get started about Toddlers and Tiaras because YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.
So everyone shut up about my disappearance because I am back. So get off my case. Oh, and Happy New Year.
The end.
Tagged as: A Dating Story, Extreme Couponers, hiatus, MA Motherfucker, public library, TLC is ruining my life
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Welcome back.
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It’s good to be back.
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*happydancehappydancehappydance*
Oh, really? Were you gone? I hardly noticed…. (note: this is a lie)
p.s. TLC gives me the creeps in a major way and I used to totally adore all the dating/marrying/birthing show. Now it’s like the Enquirer on crack.
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Me too. I am crushed as to what has become of our beloved TLC.
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I have missed you even more than the old TLC programming!!
I was recently traumatized by one of their hoarding programs which turned me into an OCD cleaning machine. The Develop A Disorder Channel.
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I also called TLC The Little People Channel. GAH, enough with the little people programming.
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Back and better than ever. I love you.
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No. I LOVE YOU.
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“Slow motion car wreck of humanity”
God I love you.
Have you watched Dance Moms?
Don’t.
But do.
Congrats you smart ass on the masters.
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welcome back!
and yes… TLC is now the new hell…
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yeah, my sister told me about that crazy dog woman! My sister fills me in on all the more revolting aspects of humanity, like people who munch on rocks and some dude with a donk so big that he said if the ladies want him to get to “full size, they have to be patient.”
Shudder.
Think about it. It’s like his dick is a kiddie pool.
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FINALLY.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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Yay! You are back! It’s about time!
Congrats on the masters.
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