Open Letter To The Costco Hater
by Hate You Probably on September 14, 2011
Guys. Some asshole sent me a nasty comment in response to my beloved Costco post. She gave me a fake email address, since I couldn’t privately humiliate her, I get to do it publicly. So, here it is. My response to her comment. I’ve included the comment as well for maximum reader enjoyment.
sad to see so many vain people in the world. I mean really? Did you say people were going to “get jealous” this really is hilarious. you should be embarrassed the only thing good about Costco is their chicken! that it you do not have to feel superior just because u shop at a warehouse in which you pay a 50+ membership fee get a life lady spend time with your children instead of writing this silly crap online! What makes it worse is that half the consumers at Costco have the same attitude as you! People really need to pull their head outta their butts and realize materials mean nothing when your bankrupt, your house is in foreclosure and even worse when you’re on your death bed!
Hi.
I wanted to send you a reply to tell you that I really enjoyed reading your comment to my Costco post.
Do you subscribe to my blog? I bet you don’t. Because if you did, you’d know how sarcastic and dry my writing and, by extension, my personality tends to be.
I’d like to personally address your concerns and also your horrific grammar. Let’s begin, shall we?
Do you know what sarcasm is? Are you familiar with humor? I’m going to again say you haven’t the faintest idea what either are. You seem like the type who thinks Dane Cook and Sinbad are hilarious and you probably never miss the latest Larry The Cable Guy movie either. When I said other Costco members would be jealous of my level of membership, that was me being sarcastic. Look up the definition of sarcastic if you’re still unable to put it all together.
There are so many awesome things about Costco, chicken is probably the last item on the wonderful at Costco list. Are you even a member?
I have honestly never run into a Costco member who wants to shove their membership in someone’s face. It’s really not that big of a deal to belong to, what I referred to in my post as, “the most nonexclusive” membership warehouse in the world.
Also, I don’t have kids. What part of my blog would ever give you the impression that I am married with kids? I have many posts all about how single and kid-free my life is. Are you really as big of a moron as you come off or are you playing a trick on me?
Now, speaking of how moronic you are, let’s talk about your grammar…or lack thereof. Do you know the difference between you’re and your? Judging by your comment, you’re (see what I just did there?) really in need of a lesson. You’re is a contraction of the words “you” and “are” whereas your is a possessive term. Your (see, I just did it again!) lack of punctuation and run-on sentences is also troubling. Perhaps you should stop writing shitty, rambling, incoherent (might want to look this big word up too) comments on people’s blogs and spend time with your children. Just kidding, don’t do that, they might turn out to have lame personalities just like you if you spend too much time with them.
Also thanks for your concern about my personal finances. I happen to live within my means, in a home I own. I pay my bills on time every month and I live a pretty simple life. But thanks for judging. I also find it hilarious at you rant about people spending too much money and the entire point of a warehouse like Costco is to SAVE PEOPLE MONEY, you big dumb dummy.
Please write back, I’m interested to read more of your thoughts on how much of a terrible person I am.
Sincerely yours (oh! I just did it again!),
Hate You Probably
Sent from my iPad
Yes, I have an iPad! I am so materialistic. Too bad I didn’t buy it at Costco…I could have saved a few bucks.
Tagged as: costco, hate hate hate, jealous, sarcasm, You are a moron
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, goodness. My favorite part is when you called her a big dumb dummy. Thanks for making my day.
~A dedicated (and usually silent) reader
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Your response to the rant was perfect.
The commenter’s puncuation was causing my brain to hurt. Although the comment of you spending more time with your nonexistent children, made the brain explode into giggles.
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How DARE you, madam. How dare you.
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I fully LOL’ed at this:
Perhaps you should stop writing shitty, rambling, incoherent (might want to look this big word up too) comments on people’s blogs and spend time with your children. Just kidding, don’t do that, they might turn out to have lame personalities just like you if you spend too much time with them.
Love the blog! Post more please! The world needs more HYP!!
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Oh my gaw, you’re so FUNNY!
That closer…
Twist and turn that grammar knife deep into the heart.
You know, I read it again.
Freakin’ funny. “thanks for the concern about my personal finances.”
Going to read a 3rd time: I keep seeing fave parts.
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Dane Cook isn’t funny?
(Showing off that I know what sarcasm is.)
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Oh thank God. I was afraid I was the only one who failed to see the humor that is Dane Cook.
Awesome response. Love your (<— yay! I did it right!) blog!
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I suppose you *could* spend more time chatting up your unfertilized eggs or something. Does that count? I mean, odds are, even though they aren’t exactly sentient, they’d still have better grammar than Captain-Hasn’t-Heard-of-Punctuation.
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Awesome. FAN-freaking-TASTIC.
Thank you for being, on the outside, the person I am on the inside.
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Wow. You really showed her! Keep us up on her response.
BHI
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Okay, I laughed out loud at your entire post (and the Costco post as well), but “Sinbad” up there made me spit out my water. Well played.
And no. This person clearly didn’t understand the finer points of…well, anything. They suck at life.
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Holy shit that is the quite possibly the greatest thing on the internets EVER! Obviously this person just “happened” upon your blog one day and is not a repeat visitor. Either that or just an assclown all around.
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Oh how I’ve missed you…
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“…big dumb dummy.” Bwahahahahahahaaaaa! Golden.
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Wahhaaahhaaa. Too many big dumb dummies who should mind their own damn business. She is a big LOSER.
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Your FACE isn’t funny…
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Thank you, just thank you
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That was great! What is it about those who can’t form coherent thought that drives them to the internet?
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I can’t believe you busted me. I thought for sure my use of bad grammar and fake email address would have fooled you, but evidently I am a big dumb dummy and your right.
PS I MISS YOU!!
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The kicker is that she thought you had kids! There was really nothing else you could do but write back to her. Hopefully she learned a thing or two about how to trash a post properly.
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The only thing good about Costco IS their chicken. And… they roast their own coffee beans, which is awesome. What were we talking about ?
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There was a woman at Costco today who was all condescending to me because I wanted a chicken strip sample for my kid. She said, “I am not here for samples. I am here to shop.” So… I kicked her bulk item cart over! But only in my mind. In reality, I just sort of moved forward a bit so that she could get by.
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This (and your totally fantastic Royal Wedding Birthday Party) is why I ADORE you!
xo
Sara
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I don’t understand why people leave mean comments rather than just clicking the little x at the top of the page and going somewhere else. There is not a Costco near me, but I think my dad is a lifetime member. When he comes to visit he brings us some of his bulk supplies bought at Costco so I love them from afar.
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That’s what I posted below. If a normal person doesn’t like the webpage, they click the red X and move along. I’m not going to sit and write them an essay on why I don’t like their website. Weird people….
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Ha, ha, take that hater fucker! Got my smart phone at Costco, riding piggy back on the plan of our close friends (we lied to get on their family plan). How cheap are we?! Ha! AND, I’m a mother, wasting away my time blogging and commenting and such. Gasp and horror.
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The thing about Costco, too, is that they have a return policy that is the best I”ve ever seen. I had a Bluetooth earpiece that quit working after 6 months (only worn in the car, I’m not trying to look like the Borg) and they let me return it no questions asked.
There was another time that I bought a 3-gallon glass drink jar. I didn’t get it out until over a year later (the day of a summer family get-together and I wanted to serve lemonade). It had a big crack in it, totally unusable. Costco accepted the return, no questions asked, 14 months after I bought it. Try that at Target!
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I’m new here, found you from No Longer Quiet… just thought I’d stop in and read a post, as you were on his list of favorite blogs.
And while I’m here, I’ll just go ahead and mention that you might be my new favorite person. I didn’t think anything could put a smile on my face today, but this just did. You and I, we are the same kind of haters. Nice to meet you.
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So fucking funny. If I weren’t already straight-married, I’d gay marry you whether you liked it or not.
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I just experienced the same kind of scathing comment on my most recent post. Except I can only respond as you illustrated above in my own rants to my poor husband (and you), because the bitchface is my personality-disorder-stricken mother.
So I have come up with the perfect plan. I will pay YOU to write the scathing of email that should follow her stupid, self-absorbed diatribe! Everyone wins!! (Except you, who has to write it. And her, who will disown me afterward. So really, just I win.)
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I find it weird that a person would take the time to write you an essay on how they don’t like your blog post. Talk about issues! A normal person would say, “Oh, to hell with this…”, click the red X in the corner, and move along. Weird people.
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hahahah!! Love it!! A perfect response
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