Excerpt from:
For Better...FOREVER!
A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage

What's in it for You?

Every married couple wants to live "happily ever after."

The problem is, not too many people know what it takes. This book will show you. For Better... Forever! integrates cutting-edge psychology with orthodox Christianity in a way that I believe will surprise you, challenge you, and revitalize your marriage.

"Are happily-ever-after marriages even possible?" Much to everyone's surprise, they are, even in the Digital Age. Recent psychological research has identified a group of married couples I call the Exceptional Seven Percent. These are couples in first-and-forever marriages (or Exceptional Marriages) who report significantly greater-than-average happiness, fulfillment. and longevity. These couples have very different ideas from their less satisfied counterparts toward everything from what they build their marriages around to how they handle conflict, from how they keep love alive to how they maintain the vitality of their marriage though the years. "Well," you're thinking, "bully for them. They were probably born that way."

Survey said (insert obnoxious buzzer noise here):"Wrong!" Studies suggest that only two factors set these remarkable couples apart: relationship skills and life experience. This finding is supported by the fact that another seven to eight percent of second marriages fall into the Exceptional category, bringing the Exceptional couples' tally to approximately fifteen percent of all marriages. If these Exceptional couples were born to have uncommonly rewarding marriages, then half of them wouldn't have had to get divorced to learn how to do it! The good news is, even if you were not born a "collaborative genius," as Drs. William J. Ledever and Don D. Jackson of the Palo Alto Mental Research Institute called such a person, you can learn how to become one. And, thanks to this book, you won't have to get divorced to do it. Better still, all of the attitudes and habits practiced by these couples are completely consistent with solid Christian teaching.

For Better...Forever! is divided into two main parts to help you achieve a truly fulfilling, long-lasting, Christ-centered marriage.

In the first part of this book (Chapters 1-5), we will be trying to answer the question "What are we doing here anyway?"

What is the one reason for marrying that guarantees the lifelong relevance and success of a marriage? Where does your marriage fall on The Relationship Pathway and what do you need to do to become part of the Exceptional Seven Percent? How does your Christianity increase your chances of reaching the top of the marital food chain? How can you make sure your love lasts forever? Part 1 answers these questions and more.

Part 2, which covers Chapters 6-11, will show us the "Road to Intimacy."

All of us claim we want intimacy. Do you know what it takes to get it? This section of For Better ... Forever! examines the four qualities that make up marital intimacy and helps you make certain that you have enough of each. Here you will discover how the Exceptional Seven Percent are drawn closer together because of their arguments instead of in spite of them. Plus, For Better ... Forever! will expose the real secrets behind a completely toe-curling, eye-popping, mind-blowing (and yes, profoundly spiritual) sexuality. Go figure!

Perhaps you, dear reader, have started to ask yourself: "Who is this guy, anyway?"

My name is Gregory K. Popcak (pronounced POP-chak), MSW, LCSW. I am a Roman Catholic Christian, a marriage and family counselor in private practice, and most importantly to me, I try to live by one motto: "Love God. Love my family. Lead others to do the same." I am not always successful in the pursuit of this ideal, but I seek to live it every day. To this end, I have spent years researching what it takes to have a rewarding marriage and family life, and I am pleased to say that God has blessed me with one of those "exceptional marriages" (not to mention some exceptional children as well). Imagine my relief to find that all that dry psychology stuff I read through the years actually works!

But fortunately, this book is not about me. My goal is to deliver the results of practical research on good marriages by such luminaries in the field as Dr. Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee (The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts), Dr. Pepper Schwartz (Peer Marriage), Dr. John Gottman (Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last), Drs. William J. Lederer and Don D. Jackson (The Mirages of Marriages), Dr. Aaron T. Beck (Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy), and Michele Weiner-Davis (Divorce Busting: A Revolutionary and Rapid Program for "Staying Together").

Moreover, it is my attempt to show you how to integrate such research into the spiritual framework of your Christian life. I mentioned earlier that For Better...Forever! would combine cutting-edge research with orthodox Christian theology. Although I am a therapist, and I have a theology degree as well, I am not a theologian. To bring you the best of both psychological and theological worlds, I have relied heavily on the writings of such prominent and respected Christian thinkers as John Paul II, William May, Janet Smith, Rev. Richard Hogan, Rev. John LeVoir, John Crosby, Very Rev. Cormac Burke, Rev. Ronald Lawler, and C. S. Lewis, to name but a few.

I have tried to the best of my ability to translate the writings of these great Christian scholars into simple, practical terms. I will leave it to you to decide how well I fulfill my task and, most importantly, I respectfully defer all final judgment of my success to the greater wisdom and teaching authority to our Mother, the Church. With all this in mind, it is my sincerest hope that the information contained within these pages will help both you and your marriage become what God created them to be.

An Impossible Dream

When my wife and I underwent preparation for our marriage, the pastor guiding our experience said a remarkable thing: "I've never lost one of my couples [to divorce]. If you make it past me, I know you'll do just fine."

I would like to make a similar promise to you. It is my prayer that as you read these pages, your life, your faith, and your marriage will be transformed; made meaningful in ways you never thought possible. I know that sounds like a tall order, and it is. Ultimately, you will need to be the judge of how well I fulfill my mission; but from the very beginning I want to let you know that God created you with all the qualities necessary to have a wonderful marriage. This is even more true if you are baptized, confirmed, married, and active in the life of the Church. Why? Because while pagans have to figure love out for themselves, Christians are constantly being given the grace to discover what God infused into us at our baptism: traits that predispose us both to perfect love and enviable marriages. I've heard it said that Jesus Christ is "the ultimate meaning of an interpersonal relationship [marriage]." Well, of course he is. He created marriage! If we who follow his example can't have powerful, profoundly loving marriages, then no one can.

Ready to Begin?

You have undoubtedly heard that every Christian is called to evangelize, but what occurs to most of us who hear this is, "If you think I'm gonna stand on some street corner thumpin' a Bible and draggin' people into church by their ears, then you got another thing comin'." Frankly, I agree with you, but true Christian evangelization isn't about Bible-thumping; it is about relationship. "Look at those Christians. See how they love."

It is my hope that reading this book will in some way help you achieve the kind of marriage that makes people -- biased against Christianity in general, and bigoted against the Church in particular -- stop and say, 'Y'know, I'm not sure I agree with everything I hear about that Church, but if it makes marriages like that .. ."

So, are you ready to shake things up?

Do you want to wake up every morning thrilled to start a new day with your mate?

Do you want to have the kind of marriage that will make the neighbors sick with jealousy? (Of course you do, admit it.)

Do you want to know what God really intended when he created marriage?

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