Zoo With Roy

Monday, February 4, 2013

Jacoby Jones is Fast, But...

Top 5 Most Mediocre and/or Barely Memorable Commercials of Super Bowl XLVII

Hey there kids. If you're anything like me, chances are you're laying low at the office this morning, trying to recover from the party, and game-related excitement, that was Super Bowl XLVII. Oh, and dreaming of that shiny new sixer of Bud Black Crown you rushed out in your Hyundai to buy last night before the stores ran out. SO YUMMY. It's a new, sophisticated King of Beers. Love.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Danger Guerrero Says Goodbye to @Cranekicker

It's been a sad day here on the bolg.

Here's Danger Guerrero's tribute.

[enters stage left as a single spotlight illuminates the microphone stand]

[taps microphone]

This one goes out to my mans CK, who left Twitter to go be an adult. The ride with you was worth the fall, my friend.

[takes deep breath to collect self]

[sings heart out with tears streaming down face]

We'll Be Missing You, Craney (SPAEK)

RIP Craney

If you're a fan of the bolg, then you're a fan of a Crane Kicker. He was the creator of the "Cholly" series, brought the funnies to our Eagles Report Cards, was a guest judge in our Halloween Costume Contests (he bought Awesome Emma a trophy), and broke a billion faces on Twinker. And now he's gone. Possibly forever.

No, I mean, he's not dead in real life or anything. But his online persona, which entertained the crap out of me for years, due to circumstances we'll not get into (Hugh Douglas or Jeffrey Lurie are the suspects don't quote me on that but just saying) here, as this is a time for celebration and remembrance. Yes, remembrance of Crane's past.

Am I proud that his last piece was monumental, and set a city ablaze? Not going to lie, kids, I am. SPAEK.

To send Craney off properly, I felt it necessary to re-work a song and video in his honor. If you'll indulge me a moment, or several:

One More Sad Craney Video : (

I CAN'T TAKE THIS

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

CK's letter to Jeffrey Lurie

To: Jeffrey Lurie

Cc: Don Smolenski,Howie Roseman

Bcc: Roger Goodell, Barack Obama

Subject: Eagles uniforms

Dear Jeffrey,

Hi! My name is CK and I am a local Twitter celebrity and ZWR contributing artist. I am also a lifelong Eagles fan that has hated the midnight green uniforms since their inception in 1996. I've heard from sources that the main player in the decision to ditch the sweet sweet kelly greens in favor of the pine tree look was your now ex-wife, Kristina. I get it man, happy wife = happy life. But guess what? She’s not your wife anymore. AND you just hired a coach whose last name happens to be Kelly, so let’s party. Really that last part doesn't matter at all... I could care less if the coaches name is Dick Slippers, this is about the uniforms that we all love and cherish well except for like you and the ex-misses and probably Dave Spadaro because he likes whatever you like and also Andy Reid because he would've looked like a huge Green Lantern but he’s gone now let’s focus.

Splitsville, bro