And you thought I was the gay one?

Brava!

What would it look like if Kris Jenner sabotaged Walter Cronkite?

Remember when Oprah and Gayle and Paula Deen all wore PAJAMAS together, and then they rode on Paula’s grandson’s HOME BUNGEE CORD MACHINE, and then PAULA DEEN SAID SHE PEES AND FARTS AT THE SAME TIME?

WELL, DO YOU??? DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED???

PONIES! ASIAN ASIANS! KATE MCKINNON!

Welcome to the second episode of my web series, Eliot’s Sketch Pad on Above Average.

ocdwarrior:

Fuck you Fox News and The Fox Nation. Fuck you for using a picture of Mrs. Doubtfire when reporting (linking) to a story on transgender health coverage. Fuck you.

Link to story (click only if you must, I do not want to give them traffic).

“I’m melting like a snow cone in Phoenix.” — Mrs. Doubtfire and also TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE, I guess?

Source: ocdwarrior

This is how Kim Richards “dives.”

Besides playing a Black female media mogul today, I'm in the Wall Street Journal! →

This is the first sketch in my web series, Eliot’s Sketch Pad, on Above Average, the YouTube channel from Lorne Michaels’ Broadway Video, the production company behind SNL, 30 Rock, and Portlandia.

Do I make a good Oprah?

When girls are really excited, they could take a fire hydrant.

I don’t do porn, but if I were [Asian] I’d definitely do porn.

[My balls are] massive. When I [hit puberty], they were already the size of Grade-A eggs.

I sucked myself until I was 18 years old. I can’t do it anymore—I get upper neck problems.

It’s going to be a good year.

Me and my sista, playing vidja games and eatin’ Terra chips like B0$$E$.

You know, because B0$$E$ love Terra chips.

Get it together, Google.

“She’s going to need someone to fill that time.”

Marie Osmond explains Dada art, and I am done with E’RRYTHING.