By Sal Basile March 21, 2012
Follow
Email Me
|
If you've read my Mass Effect 3 review, you know that the Milky Way galaxy is a stressful place. The Geth and Quarians are fighting again, the Rachni are up to their usual hijinks and it seems everybody is indoctrinated. The only people you can count on are the lovely ladies and gentlemen of the Normandy SR2 who promiscuously walk around like they own the place. How am I supposed to not look? Put some friggin' clothes on Garrus. You may be one of Mass Effect 3's best squad members, but you're being inappropriate.
The fate of the galaxy may rest on my shoulders, but I'll be damned if I don't have some sexy time. There's always time for sexy time. Check out my Mass Effect 3 romance guide and make sure you don't bottle all that frustration up, otherwise we might have one of Mass Effect's shocking moments on our hands.
Diana Allers |
Available To: Male and Female Commander Shepard
Location: Citadel, Normandy Dock: D24
Upon Shepard's first visit to the Citadel, Diana Allers can be found in the lounge area of dock D24. The young, self-proclaimed colony kid, works for the Alliance News Network. Her program, Battlespace, has deemed it a good idea for her to join a ship's crew for some front line reporting. Diana would love nothing more than for that ship to be the Normandy. Who is Shepard to refuse? If Diana is invited on board, she will take up residency in the Starboard Cargo Bay.
If spoken to after notable events in the game, Allers will eventually ask for a one-on-one interview in Shepard's cabin. If charming enough, Allers will want to get all up in that Shepard, so act accordingly. This entry on the Mass Effect 3 romance guide is a little short on the skin, but will keep Shepard pleased nonetheless.
Diana Allers is also played by IGN's own Jessica Chobot, which will surely have a determining factor in how much Diana Allers interests you. Unfortunately, she will not lick your datapad.
Samantha Traynor |
Available To: Female Commander Shepard
Location: Normandy, Combat Information Center
One of the first orders of business Commander Shepard needs to deal with is meeting the new Yeoman. Specialist Samantha Traynor is basically the new Kelly Chambers, except she doesn't feed fish, nor dance. What she does do, however, is play chess and shower with other women. Fortunately, if FemShep swings that way, she'll have an opportunity to be that woman. If she doesn't, then browse the Mass Effect 3 romance guide for a bounty of other choices.
After speaking to Traynor a few times, she'll eventually ask to be invited to your quarters for a game of chess. When she arrives, she'll really emphasize how nice your shower is. Like, really emphasize it. A lot. Just tell her to get in there and get to it
Steve Cortez |
Available To: Male Commander Shepard
Location: Normandy, Shuttle Bay
Steve Cortez is a stellar pilot and a 10-year veteran of the Alliance. He hangs out with James Vega down in the Shuttle Bay, tinkering with the Normandy's shuttles. Cortez lost his husband to a Collector raid a while back, and the memories still haunt him. Shepard can choose to be a good friend and help Cortez move on with his life or be an even better friend and confess his love for Cortez. That is if you don't mind capitalizing on the death of his husband. Can you live with that? If not, look through the Mass Effect 3 romance guide for another option, otherwise continue on, home-wrecker.
After a few instances of talking to Cortez, you can tell him to try and blow off some steam the next time the Normandy docks at the Citadel. Find him in Purgatory and you'll be able to dance the night away, in addition to initiating some Commander-on-Lieutenant action.
Kaidan Alenko |
Available To: Both Male and Female Commander Shepard
Location: Normandy (Must Live On Virmire)
If Shepard chose to spare Kaidan's life on Virmire, Kaiden will be the first familiar face Shepard bumps into in the beginning of the game. On numerous occasions throughout the game, Kaidan will question Shepard's loyalty and if the Cerberus ties have really been cut off. After enough interaction, Kaidan will ask to meet in the Prisidium Commons on the Citadel. Here, Shepard can reveal the true feelings for Kaidan, and pursue one of the Mass Effect 3 romance guide's options.
Before long Kaidan will be "consoling" Shepard before the final battle. Once you do it with biotics you'll never go back.
Ashley Williams |
Available To: Male Commander Shepard
Location: Normandy (Must Live On Virmire)
Like Kaidan, Ashley will only be around if she was chosen to live on Virmire. Ashley and Kaidan's interactions and scenes are interchangeable, but Ashley is only one of the Mass Effect 3 romance guide options for male Shepard. Sorry, FemSheps, but Ashley is into dudes. After her initial skepticism, Ashley will finally have a change of heart and decide Shepard can be trusted. Not only with her life, but her heart. Cue, love sighs.
Like Kaidan, Ashley will show up just in the nick of time to make the final battle a little less stressful. Stop playing with your model ships and fish for five seconds and show the newly-appointed Spectre what she means to you.
Handsome comedians are weird. Ugly comedians are better. Fat comedians are the best of all.
Funny Fat GuysZombies don't care if you're a plumber or a rock star. They just want tasty human flesh....
From zombie games to zombie horror movies - how to make it past the flesh eating hordes.
RUN!Liam Neeson is a straight up badass. Here are 11 reasons why we think Liam Neeson is one of the most badass actors working today.
Badass!Some people should never be allowed within arms length of a child. Keep this guys far from your offspring.
Lousy Authority FiguresClock in with In Time with a look at some of the best action scenes from The Rush library.
Jump, Leap, Punch, Kick, Shoot, ExplodeThe UGO Hell Guide to everything devils, demons and hell.
Go To Hell!The UGO Hell Guide to everything devils, demons and hell.
Go To Hell!