A man walks into a
hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later,
the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a
bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair
in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically
at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my
hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress
takes him back where the cook is and to his
demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and
flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's
disgusting!"
Then the waitress jokes, "You think that's
disgusting you should see him make donuts."
There were
these three classic guys. They had been walking for 3
days and were very tired. They found a hotel,
rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old
guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a
magic pool just outside their hotel room. He
tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving
board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three guys
go over to the pool. The first guy, a
vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a
pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry
and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of
money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on
his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
One day an Indian
boy asked his father why they have such long
names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a
Indian baby is born the father would go outside
and name the baby after the first thing he
sees... Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking."
A young blind boy
is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom
says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and
tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy
says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next
morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm
still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom
answered, "I know - April Fools!"
A few days after
Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen
listening to her son playing with his new
electric train set in the living room. She heard
the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of
bitches who want to get off, get the hell off
now, because this is the last stop! All of you
sons of bitches that are getting on, get your
asses in the train cause were leaving". The
mother went in and told her son, "we don't use
that kind of language in this house." Now I want
you to go into your room for two hours. When you
come out, you can play with your train, but I
don't want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room
and continues playing with his train. Soon the
train stopped and the mother heard the son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train,
please remember to take all of your belongings
with you. We thank you for riding with us today
and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope
you will ride with us again soon. For those of
you who are just boarding the train, we ask that
you stow all of your hand luggage under the
seat, remember there is no smoking except on the
club car. We hope you have a pleasant and
relaxing journey with us today".
"For those of you who are pissed off with the
two hour delay , please see the bitch in the
kitchen."
A woman was
standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was
staying in. When a man got in and accidentally
elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm
sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit,
you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If
you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am
staying in room 113."
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