Being The Boss Of Me
This is a guest submission by Abby from AbbyHasIssues.com
So, what did I want to be when I was little?
What I wanted to be:
I can’t distinctly remember every ambition, but I know there was a marine biologist, an actress, a baseball player, Mariah Carey, a teacher (for the summers off, not the humanitarian efforts,) a vet, a lawyer (to get paid to argue, most certainly not for the humanitarian efforts,) an artist, and Sylvester Stallone’s love child during the “Rocky” years thrown into the mix at some point.
My mom’s answer as to what I wanted to be:
That I wanted to be the boss of me, and quite possibly, the boss of a few other people (my minions, I was told. Muah-ha-ha.) It’s not that I was bossy, but rather that I liked to be in charge of getting things done and having say over how I spent my time.
That time was usually spent doing more than one thing at once. If the TV was on, I was also coloring. If I was in the car, I was also reading or drawing. Yes, I was the nerd that would read ahead in class because I already had my work done.
My point being, I think I’ve always felt entitled to my time and how it’s spent.
Now I’m technically an adult and it’s assumed that my maturity level is slightly higher than that of the little girl who dreamed of being the bastard child of an aging movie star. But some things haven’t changed.
I still feel a sense of entitlement over my time and still just somehow want to be the boss of me.
On The Clock
Here is where I add the disclaimer that I work in a decent environment as a managing editor of three publications and I’m grateful for my job. It’s a good job, but it’s just not a good job for me.
No, this is more about the general system and really has nothing to do with the place at all.
It has to do with the fact that the little girl with plans to be her own boss—after saving the whales and starring in a major motion picture—has turned into a hippie-dippie adult with a “real” job who still wants something more.
While I realize the impracticality of my desires, I would like more control of my time.
See, even though I have no desire to climb any corporate ladder, I’m a darn good employee. My work gets done thoroughly, usually early and I tend to have higher expectations than others do for the work that I do. But here’s the thing. Regardless of how I get my work done, my butt is still expected to be stuck in that chair for the duration of the day and I’m still expected to be at my best during those hours.
In essence, I’m paid for time and not for effort.
Six-year-old Abby would find this absurd, and 30-year-old Abby is not far behind (however, 30-year-old Abby has a house payment and 6-year-old Abby had a blanket fort—rent free.)
It seems there are countless hours and days when my time is not my own, when it really belongs to those that sign my paycheck (again, see disclaimer above. It’s nothing personal.) It feels a bit selfish, a bit immature, but I sometimes resent that what I do is measured in minutes and not merit.
I Feel Cheated
Cheated out of what, I’m not quite sure. Maybe out of control, of creativity, of individuality. Maybe out of energy towards things I want to do, things that rarely conveniently fall at a time after “traditional” business hours.
And in a cruel plot twist, things I don’t get paid to do, such as rambling on my blog.
My brain does not differentiate between business hours and the few left over at the end of the day, just as it doesn’t differentiate between weekends and professional production. I get some of my best ideas for both at the most random times.
And in another cruel plot twist, I can get more work done in two hours at home than in two days stuck there in the office amid pointless distractions, meaningless meetings and restrictions of other’s conventional schedules.
To ask them to let me work from home is unrealistic, but so is thought that it’s one-size-fits-all when it comes to these things or that this is how things have to be.
Treading Water
But instead of holding my breath in protest (while coloring and watching TV) like 6-year-old marine biologist/child actor Abby would have done, I suppose I should exhale and just keep keepin’ on for now—considering they pay me to write words, even if they’re not the words I really want to write.
I read motivational stories of people who leave their jobs and find themselves with six-figure businesses, and it that’s you, more power to you.
But right now I have to reconcile the fact that what I want to be is sometimes shaped by what I have to be, at least for a little while. And while I might not know exactly what it is that my talents are best suited for, I know that I have talent and I know what I don’t want. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up, as much like my fictional philandering father Rocky Balboa, I’m a fighter.
No, one day I’ll be asked, “What did you want to be?”
I’ll say with a smile, “What did I want to be? Just what I am—a woman who’s paid to write from the heart, in control of her time and her efforts…and possibly named by Billboard magazine in their “Top 50 R&B/Hip-Hop Artists of the Past 25 Years.”
And as the boss of me, I’ll accept that two out of three ain’t bad.
[author gravatar="sunshineach@comcast.net"]Abby writes a blog, Abby Has Issues at AbbyHasIssues.com, where she runs mental marathons in yoga pants and documents her brilliant insights. She brings humor, she brings insight and she makes you feel more normal. After all, we all have issues.[/author]
- Posted on 19. September 2011
- Written by admin
- Categories: Fellow Grinders
11 responses to Being The Boss Of Me
Morgan on September 19, 2011 at 10:45 am Reply
I’m so with you on this, Abby. I, too, like to be in charge of my time and in charge of what I do with my time. I want to still help people and do what I love, just not on someone else’s time. I have had some great jobs in the past, but they weren’t on MY time.
So, I changed that, and here I am, doing what I love on MY time.
Great post!!
Abby on September 20, 2011 at 8:18 pm Reply
Hi Morgan,
I checked out your blog, and you are an inspiration! I’m glad you can relate, as many people think wanting to work on your own time is selfish, when in fact it’s just the opposite. When I am in charge of my own time, I am actually sharper and more creative. I feel more productive and better equipped to help others (and myself.)
Thanks for the comment!
Lance on September 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm Reply
Being in charge is over-rated. I’m a boss at my job and it’s not as cool as I thought it was going to be 7 years ago when I joined the company. I like my job most of the time, but I’d rather be in charge of my time.
When I was little I either wanted to be Diamond David Lee Roth or the starting centerfielder for the Atlanta Braves. Now, I just want to publish a book, make my wife and kids happy, and watch a Jets game interruption free on a Sunday afternoon.
good post
Abby on September 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm Reply
I’ve never really wanted to be the “big” boss of anything, other than my friends when I was little and, well, myself. Like you said, it’s not as cool as it seems. I would much prefer to be in charge of my time than someone elses.
You should have aimed higher, as then you could have been “starting centerfielder for the Braves, David Lee Roth!” And as long as you say, “watch the Jets win,” I think your current goals are admirable
Justin | Mazzastick on September 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm Reply
Hi Abby,
I totally relate to your story here. Since I could remember I have always valued my time and what I did with it.
Most jobs really are paying for your time and not so much as for work done. I would rather be paid for work done than for time spent doing something.
I believe the trading time for money model will go way of the dodo bird someday.
Abby on September 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm Reply
Oh, the poor dodo.
Anyway, I understand that if I were truly that unhappy, I could ask to go hourly and not be salaried, but then I would be shortchanging myself. Just because I am effienct does not mean I should be penalized. I do appreciate the semi-flexibility of my current employer, but at times I wish I were afforded more independent opporutunities. We’re not all cookie cutter workers!
Brock Blohm on September 20, 2011 at 12:43 pm Reply
Ahh, yet another who has moved online. Awesome. I’m with ya. I am the type to work for myself. I like to be in control. I like to lead. It’s just my personality.
Glad to hear you are taking action! Awesome!
Congrats and keep it up!
Steve@Earn Money Online on September 25, 2011 at 10:26 am Reply
Abby,
There is certainly something to be said for being the boss of yourself. After college I absolutely hating working for time rather than effort.
I promptly quit and made a go at working online for myself. It was a tough couple years that followed but now that I am making enough to get by comfortably I must say that it is a nice feeling.
Steve on September 27, 2011 at 10:33 am Reply
Steve,
I love that you just went for it and look at you now! I know there are many, many people that would love to be in your shoes right now, but I know you had to put in a TON of work and effort to get there.
You’re doing great things on your site and I’m really glad I recently found it!
Cordelia on September 26, 2011 at 1:47 pm Reply
Almost missed this one in my backlog of vacation emails! I am so feeling you on every bit of this (escape for maybe the Sly-as-my-daddy thing). It’s my whole argument for the ROWE philosophy. As long as we get our work done well and on time, we should be allowed to manage our time however we want.
There’s this awful regression in growing up–you go through elementary school, then high school, then college, at each step gaining more freedom and responsibility with less adult oversight. Then you enter the Real World (hurray!) and are promptly put back down to kindergarten status (let me check your work, let me see you with your head down at your desk, you can eat and poop when I say you can). It’s ridiculous. Here’s to you and me both one day escaping it!
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