Q: Is that really your cat?
A: Yes, it is.

Q: What's his name? He looks terrified.
A: It's a her, actually. Her name is Zimmy, and she is frequently terrified, but never more so than on the day when I took her to CSW Film Systems Inc, a photo studio in Chicago, to participate in this shoot.

Q: Is it true that you received an email regarding this photo from a man who said that you were "just his type, hairy and slightly flabby"?
A: Yes.

Q: Did you ever get together with him?
A: No.

Q: Did you ever get together with her?
A: No.

Q: Why are you so shiny in the picture?
A: Because they greased me down with oil.

Q: Eww.
A: Hey. You're telling me.

Q: A jealous former friend, upon seeing the picture, accused you of succumbing to the "cult of literary narcissism." Is this true?
A: Yes. I have been completely corrupted by my relentless, shallow desire for fame. Why else would I pose in the nude to promote my book?

Q: But you're not actually nude. Is that true?
A: Sadly, yes. I am wearing an electric-blue thong bikini brief.

Q: Do you also have a pet dog?
A: Yes. He is a Boston Terrier. His name is Hercules.

Q: Can I see a picture of him?
A: Yes. Here he is.

Q: Aww. He is so cute, I could just DIE.
A: I completely agree with you.

Q: Would Hercules enjoy posing in a nude picture with you?
A: Probably. Dogs will do anything.

Q: Would you ever subject him to such an experience?
A: No.

Q: Do you think it's OK for people to masturbate while looking at your nude picture on the Internet?
A: Of course. I encourage all of my readers to masturbate frequently, both to images of me and to images of other people. My picture, by the way, has been officially registered with the American Society of Soft-Core Literary Onanism, (ASSCLO), so you don't have to worry about breaking any laws.

Q: Do you love me?
A: Yes.

Q: Really?
A: Babe. You know I do.