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Bigfoot Conference & Other Loons in the Woods

Monday, 07 January 2013 18:25 Written by Robert Sutherland 4 Comments

Have you ever wondered why I love Suzannah?  Here’s a clue.

spacer I was reading a press release about folks gathering in Dahlonega (pronounced: “dahlonega”) for a — Would I lie to you? — conference on Bigfoot (aka “Sasquatch”) to be held the weekend of January 12, 2013, at the otherwise normal R Ranch.

She asked if I were going to publicize this event.  I told her, “No way!”

Suzannah replied, “Why not?”

How could I not love such a woman … who just happens to be very pretty and kind?  With that affirmation, and my affection for the movie, Harry & The Hendersons, we bring you this … this … this … whatever it is.

Do I believe in Bigfoot?  No.

Do I believe that believing in Bigfoot is a pretty cool way to make a living?   Oh, yeah!


Robert Sutherland on the Kenai Peninsula

Back when the Earth was warm (circa 1975), I spent a summer in the woods of Alaska building a log cabin with a friend.  I learned many secrets on the Kenai Peninsula:

  1. Living in the woods of Alaska for a summer gets old after a month or two.
  2. Building a log cabin with hand tools sounds all romantic, but it’s hard work.
  3. Alaskan mosquitoes are tougher than pit bulls in Georgia.
  4. Carrying firearms in Alaskan woods is WAY healthier than on-the-job training in Angry Brown Bear Whispering.
  5. You don’t really need a door on an outhouse.
  6. It gets cold in Alaska.
  7. The scariest sound you will ever hear at night in the woods is the cry of the loon.


Is this Bigfoot Conference for real?

Well, this is where it’s helpful to define “reality.”

Here’s a bit of what you can expect, whether you believe it or not ….

One speaker is a gentleman named R. Scott Nelson who — according to the official Bigfoot Conference website — “appeared on his local news November 14, 2013.”  Quite a trick, frankly.  Mr. Nelson’s more mundane credentials include being a crypto-linguist who plans to officially release “Revision 1 of the Sasquatch Language Alphabet” at the conference.

(Wonder how similar it is to Klingon?)

Also appearing will be Christopher Noel, referred to as a ”Yale Graduate and Author Who Has Documented Sasquatch Home Visitation Cases Nationwide.”  Who knew Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) had home visitation?  Evidently, divorce is more common than initially thought.

Arla Williams has the most interesting bio, whatever it means: “Arla brings the unique parallels to light between these enigmatic people and the indigenous people of this continent as well as around the world. She also is an excellent representative to females in this field of interest and what truly should be expected when engaging or interacting with the sasquatch people, as opposed to myths and legends.”

The minute-by-minute schedule is below.  Evidently, however, bigfeet explorers do not stop to eat or evacuate their bladders.  You might want to skip the coffee and bring a roast beast sammich with you.

Click Here for the Bigfoot Conference Schedule

Tags:  bigfoot, sasquatch
  • Andrew

    Mr. Sutherland, you sound like a self inflated buffoon. I for one would love to see indisputable evidence of Bigfoot, if only so that condescending people like you have crow to eat. Just because common sentiment said that the Earth was flat didn’t make it true, and just because most people have not had a first-hand encounter with a Bigfoot doesn’t automatically negate its existence.

  • BillinGA

    Bigfoot is a known creature of the American Indians, so sightings have been going on since they have been here. Something is going on in the woods. Maybe someday we will know what’s happening. And the vast majority of people who have seen a bigfoot were just like you, didn’t believe they exist and thought it was all nonsense.

  • leafz00

    Mr. Nelson definitely doesn’t have “mundane credentials.” And if ever you are so lucky to be out in the woods and hear Sasquatch speaking their native language, you would change your mind about being so crass. Perhaps you should read up about Mr. Nelson:

    “Retired from the U.S. Navy as a Crypto-Linguist with
    over 30 years experience in Foreign Language and Linguistics, including
    the collection, transcription, analysis and reporting of voice

    He is a two time graduate of the U.S. Navy
    Cryptologic Voice Transcription School (Russian and Spanish) and has
    logged thousands of hours of voice transcription in his target languages
    as well as in Persian. He is currently teaching Russian, Spanish,
    Persian, Philosophy and Comparative Religions at Wentworth College in


    Like the other commenter, I cannot wait for the Oxford DNA study to be published, as well as Dr. Ketchum’s, and hopefully they will match one another. People who have regular interaction with the Forest People don’t need to prove their existence, but it would be nice for the rest of the world to understand that they do exist. Plus, once they are scientifically proven, laws can be put in place to protect them.

  • Daryl

    Does Sutherland sound like a pompous jerk in this article or what? It’s obvious he doesn’t know much about what he’s writing about, and he covers that fact up with silly snide remarks and failed attempts at “humor.” YAWN…..

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