Please pick the answers that most closely resemble your attitudes. It's important not to think too long or hard about any of these questions: let your instincts guide you as you click and submit.
Which texture strikes you as the most appealing?
Baby fur
Hand-warmed metals
Sun-warmed concrete
Chalk
What fit style do you prefer when it comes to bottoms?
Snug in the thigh, high in the rise
Tear-away style with side-snap closure
Extra long (for impromptu cuff-knot
water survival)
Loose and wide, so I can feel the wind
What is your favorite animal?
Kangaroo (baby pouch, plus power and speed)
Sugar glider (baby pouch, plus patagium)
Opossum (rear-opening pouch, plus built-in repellant spray)
Hamster (cheek pockets)
What is your ideal county fair attraction?
The circular rides (ferris wheel, suspended swings)
The "water pistol/clown mouth" race
Pocket change, falling from the sky
Churros
Who do you find most unsettling?
People who keep their arms perfectly stationary when they walk
People who secretly wear full clown makeup underneath their clown masks
People who own windchimes
People who hug too long
Do you own your own equipment?
Yes, but it's second-hand and it rubs
I prefer to rent my equipment because I go out so rarely
Yes, it's in the garage, somewhere
Yes, two full sets!
What is your dental history?
I have one or more fillings
Any oral alterations are strictly organic (sidewalk falls, bar fights, monkey-bar misshaps)
I lie to my dentist about my flossing habits
These aren't my teeth
What is your preferred method of submersion?
Ocean or chlorinated pool
Bath or hot tub
Sun-warmed garden hose
Accidental spraying (whale tank)
When it comes to food, in what area do you tend to err?
Chocolate, frozen goods, hard-boiled sweets
Cheeses, hard and soft
The oils
It's all a matter of proximity
You're in the mood to go out, but your friends are all busy. You:
Take yourself to dinner, eat quickly, return home in under forty minutes
Form a fast friendship with someone on the street, guilt new friend into a night of over-confessional drinking
Stay home alone, experiment with shaving
Take yourself to the movies, talk loudly at screen and self
How would you describe your very first slow dance?
All contact reserved to the northern regions (with eight solid inches of air between sex areas)
Alone, swaying, gaze focused on ceiling
Kneady
Arrhythmic jigging, no eye contact
Do you enjoy the smell of fresh spray paint?
Yes
No