Life Putting

I don’t know how or why, but for some reason this morning I had the tv on and tuned to CBS this morning.  I caught a piece they did called “Absolute Silence:  How long can you last?”

In this piece talk about very quiet places, including a spot in Washington state that supposedly is absolutely free of all human noise pollution, which not surprisingly is increasingly rare (I am sure there are still a lot of spots like this, but anyway..).  They also visit a quiet room used to get absolute noise levels of all kinds of products and devices.  In this quiet room, decibel levels can reach an incredible -9, compared to 73 in a typical airport or 52 in a quiet office.  When they interviewed the president of the company who operates the quiet chamber he said “people go nuts in here…there are people who have walked into the room, taken one step on the floor, said they were disoriented and left.”  Apparently the longest anyone has been able to sit in the room is 45 minutes, which really surprised me.  The reality is:  sitting in quiet, especially really quiet, is very hard and getting harder.

When I think about my day, I’m really amazed at how little time actually is spent in a place of quiet.  I’m not necessarily talking about noise level, as it’s impossible to find absolute silence in NYC, but I’m always amazed at how uncomfortable it is for me to be still, and quiet.  There are a constant stream of thoughts, a constant impulse to want to check my phone, check my email, listen to a podcast, listen to music..do this, do that, do this, do that.  Anything other than be still.  I do meditate now for 7 minutes (up 2 minutes every week) in the morning, but still really struggle with that.  I think the ability to be still is a skill that has to be developed, a muscle to be built.  The best way to build it is through meditation, and unplugging.  Meditation for my mind feels like eating broccoli while smelling a pizza.  I can’t help but crave the pizza while eating the broccoli.

It seems like everyday there are increasingly more ways to demand our attention, to fill the silence. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing, but I do know that a moment of quiet is often the moment my best thoughts come forward.  It’s almost as if the voice inside me that has the greatest insights has the quietest voice.  It needs quiet to be heard.

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I had breakfast this morning with a a friend, Kareem, who is someone that always teaches, pushes, and inspires my work both as a person and as an entrepreneur.  I don’t see or speak to Kareem all that often mostly because he does not live in NYC, but I always come away from our interactions with a new found perspective, a new thing to test, a new way forward.  I’d certainly like to have more conversations like that, and so I was thinking as I walked this morning…how did I meet Kareem?

Well I’ve realized that I met him as I’ve met lots of other interesting people now in my life. I just reached out to him randomly.  I remember stumbling on his blog, reading over it and thinking “this is a really interesting guy with a cool background, I’d like to have a chat,”  and now here we are several years later meeting for breakfast.

A person I’m often asked how I originally met, Jerry, who has since become a good friend, coach, mentor, and teacher was another person I reached out to randomly.  I remember seeing him speak on a panel back in 07 and in his introduction he mentioned he was doing a bit of teaching and coaching, so I thought “Ok this is a guy I’d love to have a conversation with.”  Unfortunately after the event I wasn’t able to connect with Jerry, but when I got home I did some googling and digging, found someone who seemed to know him, and sent an open and honest note saying that I was just interested in having a conversation with Jerry. A week later I was meeting Jerry in his office, and 6 years later I’m still close with him.

My friend Zak used to refer to it as “acting on inspired thought,” that little moment where you think “ooh this person is interesting, I should reach out to them.”  I have only done that in spurts in my life, but looking now almost all of my good relationships related to work have come from these moments.  I think part of what makes this work is a genuine interest in people, and learning about them instead of trying to get something from them, but the lesson was clear to me this morning:  You never know.  I’m not saying you should flood your schedule with coffees and catch ups.  I don’t think that’s good for anyone.  But in those moments when you’re reading a blog post, reading a newspaper article, hearing from a friend about someone when you think “I’d love to meet them,” then act.  Reach out.  Connect or try to connect, person to person.  You really never know.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. –Steve Jobs

(via liveintentionally.org)

I was thinking about this quote this morning as I walked my dog.  I often hear people say or write things along these lines, the often repeated “Live each day as if it is your last.”  But honestly, does anyone live that way?  How realistic is that?  And what does that even mean?

This was on my mind after hearing from my wife, who works in the ER as a nurse, a story about a recent patient.  The was patient was young and healthy, but after a small scratch and a freak infection they passed away quickly.

It’s obviously a horrible and sad story, and thankfully a fairly uncommon one.  But it did hit me when she shared it, and even more so this morning on my walk.  I don’t know how to live each day as if it were my last, but I did find myself really appreciating this day, my life, on my walk.  The way the sun hit my face.  The way the cool, wet, morning air felt coming through my nose, down to my lungs, and into my body.  The way the incredibly green leaves sat against the blue, blue early spring sky. The great Sunday I shared with my wife, my sister, my nephew. There are things in my day, in my week that perhaps would normally sit in my throat as an anxious lump.  Not today.  I felt it melt away in the appreciation on my walk.

I know you won’t feel that way all the time.  You can’t.  There will inevitably be a return to worrying about bills, about work, etc.  But I’d sure like to find more moments in my days and weeks to make “things” melt.  Maybe that’s what it means to live each day as your last.

“Here, you can color here, Uncle Dan.”

She flipped open her sketch book, which looked exactly like a book you would expect a four and a half year old to own. It was ripped in places, bent, crinkled, and completely covered with random splashes of color.

“Here, use this black pen to make the outline. What are you going to draw?”

She had already started creating, a long skinny creature with a beak.

“It’s a duck princess leaving the castle,” she proudly announced. Of course.

My page was still blank. I was stuck. I had absolutely no idea what to put there. Totally empty. I certainly could remember a time where I had the picture in my head, and the excitement of helping it come to life, but here I was with a pen and a blank sheet of paper, and absolutely zero idea on what to put there. I’ll admit there was a part of me that even thought about giving up, just leaving it, and going with a safe scribble of a rainbow. But why? Why was I stuck? There are no rules, there is no judging..from her. I realized there was a filter in me, that was judging, and was slowing me down. Seriously?

Based on this post from James Altucher (one of my favorite blogs), I’ve been taking time, even if just 10 minutes, to have a wide open, anything goes, ideas brainstorming session each day. I’ve been at it for about a week, and I must say it has been far more difficult than I thought. I very much had the same feeling as I did with my niece, staring at a blank piece of paper and no idea where to start. The filter, the judge, was even more active there. But also, quite honestly, I think my “creative” muscle is a bit weak. It’s like I’m trying to do crunches again for the first time in years. The first few weeks are always the hardest, and also the time you most likely want to throw in the towel. I have considered it several times…but have stuck with the practice so far. I’m honestly a bit surprised that this muscle is weak. I would have thought all the work I’ve done over the years, certainly would have kept me sharp. I must admit, it’s weak. But it’s getting stronger. It takes time and practice.

Ultimately, I just dove in. She had a duck princess, and I had to deliver something. A frog came to mind, so I drew it. It came out deformed with a confused arrangement of legs and arms. I found myself saying out loud “whoa, that’s bad,” but kept at it. After a few minutes, she looked up from the Duck princess and said:

“Wow, Uncle Dan, that’s a great Frog!” Ha…she was right, what a great teacher.

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It was 4:50pm on a Monday, and here I was again, sitting in the car.  My mind was going

through all the reasons why I should, why I could, get out of the car.  ”I’m hungry.”  ”I’m tired.”  ”Did you send that email?”  ” Did you make that phone call?”  ”You know what?  This isn’t a good week, let’s go next week instead.”  Unfortunately that last one had worked the week before, and the week before, and the week before that.  It pretty much always won.  It’s amazing what the mind can do to save you from something you fear, and the longer you push it back the heavier, and the scarier, it seems.  So what was this great terrifying event that took place every Monday at 5pm?  Improv classes.  Boo!

Taken at Central Park – The Pond