The Bitch Slap: I Hope It’s Worth It
Jul 7, 2010 Erika Napoletano Bitch Slap
This is not a human being.
While catching-up this past week with an ex-boyfriend who’s become a friend over the past year or so, I mentioned that we should get together and chat about life, real-time.
The he mentioned that, yeah – that wasn’t going to happen because his girlfriend would flip her shit.
I said, “Bring her!” He responded that BP would buy us a brand-new Gulf of Mexico before that happened.
I really hope she’s worth it.
How often do we dick around with things in our life and let them run US instead of the other way around? Since when can people forbid us, prevent us or otherwise act an a barrier to what we want? Let’s think of this from a business perspective:
You had clients and customers long before your current ones rolled into your cash flow (kinda like friends, ex-significant others and whatnot). When something or someone new comes along, it should be a compliment – a delightful addition – to a business that you love and the reason you say “Shit Howdy!” when you head to the office each day. It should be a state of symbiosis where you each give the other what you need and want. You indulge in compromise. And while I’m not saying go out and say “shove your NDA where your ass hair grows,” it’s a relationship based on mutual respect.
I like yas. I’ll help yas.
Perhaps there are some pompoms.
When something or someone new comes along, that’s not a sign from the divine to scrap everything you’re doing, love, like and cherish to become their bitch. While the example that prompted this week’s bitch slap was a romantic relationship (not mine, though I’m guilty), take a good, hard look at your life.
Life is multi-faceted. A glimmering jewel reflecting prism-cast rainbows on every wall we pass, rain or shine. I don’t believe in the word impossible and I think we each have within our grasp the ability to bask in happiness. There’s nothing that can keep me from what I want, aside from my predisposition to walk around with my head in my ass.
And it usually has to do with the power I’ve allowed another person to have over me and my subsequent downgrading of what I WANT on the list of WHAT’S IMPORTANT.
Stop it. For all that’s chocolate in the Godiva shop, just stop it. Please. If you’re too much of a pansy to say, “I like my life and my business! This is me and my very own Legion of Awesome! If you want to be a PART of it, that’s soooo pimp. But hey – if you want to consume me and be my only priority, I’m not taking off my Super Suit just so you can feel important…”
then maybe you need to think of why you need someone else to define who you are and what you need or want.
When you let someone else take the reigns of your life, you’re saying, “I can’t think for myself.”
Really? You can’t? So sorry – my bad. I didn’t realize that you were a quivering, non-thinking mass fashioned of orange jello and fruit cocktail. You appeared to be human.
Because when posed with the question: is it worth it?
The answer is, most inarguably, no.
Here are three things you can do today to keep your Super Suit and stay at the helm of your Legion of Awesome:
- Think about compromise versus sacrifice (I covered this way back when in The Hallway).
- Pen and paper – do it now. Tell YOURSELF what’s important. Seal it in an envelope and attach it to your fridge. Each time you forget, threaten to open it and prove yourself wrong. Then you’ll have to go find another envelope. Pain in the ass. Be honest with yourself and keep from opening it.
- Get some front-stabbers. These are friends who will tell you to your face when you’re being an orange jello mold instead of a person. While I’m a huge fan of block party jello creations, I don’t really want to establish relationships with them. And you can’t, really. (It’s JELLO, for fuck sake – it has no backbone or personality aside from being “wiggly jiggly fun.”)
You’ve been slapped. Awwyeah.
This is hilarious :)