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Recent Posts

  • On Squirrels
  • Calling All Comic Book Types!
  • Teach Your Children Well. Like How to #*$@* Attribute.
  • Top 10 Movie Tie-ins
  • Go. Far.
  • Have You Ever Chased a Pit Bull in the Pale Moonlight?
  • It Ain't Ozzie n Harriet
  • How Did You Get That Job, Anyway?
  • State of the Bunion
  • 'Merican Blogger

Best of...

  • Adios, Motherfuckers
  • Advice You'll (Hopefully) Never Use: Peeping Toms
  • The 24-Hour Hobo Fitness
  • The Bucket List
  • Enemy Mime
  • The Tell-Tale Fart

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October 27, 2014

On Squirrels

The park across the street from my house is filled with impossibly tall palm trees. They stand in stark relief to the playground equipment and the low-slung library, soldiers watching over new moms feeding their kids yogurt and homeless people looking for a moment of peace and quiet in the chaos of their day.

I was walking Daisy through the park this morning when I heard the familiar sound of squirrels playing the the treetops, running round and round in round, causing the palm fronds to sway. Daisy used to watch this game with laser-like focus, as if wishing one of the fuzzy creatures would fall from its treetop perch to her awaiting jaws.

Daisy doesn't watch the squirrels anymore, as if she has come to realize in her golden years that chasing squirrels is a young dog's game. Her teeth are worn and her eyesight is failing, and squirrel-games in the lacy treetops are ignored in favor of looking for leftover cake from weekend birthday parties.

But Daisy looked up this morning, as did I. The squirrels danced back and forth and then suddenly one slipped -- whether it had misjudged the jump or lost its grip, I don't know -- and the furry body came plummeting the ground. It was as if all of those years of Daisy's squirrel-staring had paid off, and now the treat was being delivered to her to reward her patience.

The creature landed with a sad THUMP!, causing the homeless man having breakfast at the nearby picnic table to turn.

"That poor little guy," he said.

"I know."

The squirrel was quiet for a moment, then slowly turned over and walked a step or two, and stopped.

"I'll watch him," the man told me. "I can't do anything, but, well, it's good to have someone to watch over you."

I nodded. "You need anything?"

"I'm good."

Daisy walked up to the man, who pet her. She didn't even look at the squirrel, just a foot away.

Maybe she wasn't wishing them out of the trees after all.

Posted at 10:43 AM in Dogs | Permalink | Comments (2)

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June 06, 2014

Calling All Comic Book Types!

So here's the thing: I have a project that in the back of my mind, was always a graphic novel project for tweens (specially tween girls.). But I write  tween TV, not tween graphic novels. So I tried to make it a TV show, but it didn't work. So I thought, maybe a movie. But it didn't work. Because it's a graphic novel. 

It's not just some nebulous idea in my head: a treatment exists, along with a mini-bible.

I have my people ("people?" PEOPLE? I don't know how to write that without sounding like an asshole) looking into Some Things and I am doing research of my own (which is mostly just looking at who's putting out tween girl books and noting the publisher) but I also know that I have Tumblr-peeps in the comic book world who may have some advice or HEY LOOK AT THIS COMPANY.

Here's where I am NOT at this point: I am NOT at the Kickstarter/hiring my own artist/self-publishing/etc. I do not have the time to manage a Kickstarter campaign plus an entire process. I understand that writing a graphic novel is time-consuming; I write for a living (no, really) and writing is time-consuming.  If I can't get a nibble and my schedule opens up, a Kickstarter might be in the future. But I'd like to explore other options first.

Does this make me sound like a shithead? Maybe I'm a shithead. I'm really at the collecting-info part of the process. While I've written and pitched 938472934 TV show bibles , I've never pitched or written a graphic novel bible. I don't even know if those exist? The comic book world is a total mystery to me here in TVLand.

Feel free to hit up my inbox at slackmistress at gmail. Or reply here. Or move along, there's nothing to see here.

Posted at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

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April 30, 2014

Teach Your Children Well. Like How to #*$@* Attribute.

 

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When a good part of your career involves making total strangers think you're funny, it's super shitty when people don't attribute. (h/t noirbettie)

 

Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk.

— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress)
April 27, 2012

 

 

 

Posted at 02:23 PM in Work, WTF? | Permalink | Comments (0)

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April 29, 2014

Top 10 Movie Tie-ins

 

Today I discovered one of the oddest movie tie-ins I've ever seen:

The Hunger Games chocolate.

Which made me wonder about other possible  movie tie-ins...

  1. Eyes Wide Shut Kids' Halloween Costumes
  2. Finding Nemo All-You-Can-Eat Sushi
  3. Passion of the Christ Crown of Thorns Chia Pet
  4. Hostel  Stay-Two-Nights-Get-the-Third Free Hotel Groupon
  5. Soylent Green "Beef" Jerky
  6. The Wolf of Wall StreetI.R.A.
  7. Human Centipede Build-a-Bear
  8. The Aviator Hand Sanitizer
  9. P. S. I Love You eHarmony Free Communication Weekend
  10. Silver Linings Playbook Anti-Depressants

Posted at 11:44 AM in Film, Things That Make You Go Hmmmm..., WTF? | Permalink | Comments (0)

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April 23, 2014

Go. Far.

9:34pm, last night:

Me: I DVR'd the new Fargo. Do you want to watch it?

Will: We can watch it....in bed.

Me: Okay.

Will: You know....IN BED.

Me: ...

Will: We can do it...Fargo-style.

Me: You want to have sex with me in a woodchipper?

Will: ...

Me: ...

Will: I didn't really think that one through.

 

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Posted at 08:33 AM in Scenes from a Marriage, Television, Vaguely Naughty, Will, WTF? | Permalink | Comments (0)

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