Food is addictive; Imagine you were addicted to crack, and then imagine that without crack, you would literally waste away and die. Then imagine there were places with drive-thrus that would sell you double-decker crack with special sauce and a side of fries . In America, we love food so much, we have festivals where people make chili or barbecue, and some freaks wind up serving garlic ice...

This past Sunday saw the Green Bay Packers come out victorious over the Pittsburg Steelers in Super Bowl 45. But the news that rocked the internet the hardest was of Christina Aguilera’s botched performance of the national anthem during the opening ceremony, as she accidentally sang "What so proudly we watched at the twilight's last gleaming,” when she should have sang, "O'er the ramparts...

Twitter is one of those wonderful modern day inventions that I have almost no use for. It's all well and good for some people, but I don't feel the near constant need to tell people what I think about things. Some people do, and that's cool. I'm just not one of them. So to me, Twitter is a little intimidating. What am I going to say that is worthy of those precious 140 characters? Most of the...

Do you really want to read about TV? Click here the video to latest headlines and stay ahead of the curve. "What we have here is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard Dog and crippling despair, loneliness and depression. I intend to win." – Actual dialogue “The Office†is acclaimed for being one of the funniest shows on television.  But, as repeated watchings have...

A newly released study coming out of Spain claims that consuming high amounts of fatty foods can lead to depression. The authors of the study spent six years analyzing the diets and life styles of 12,000 volunteers who had all been diagnosed as not suffering any signs of depression. By the end of the six years researchers discovered that all of the subjects with high trans-fat diets...

Movies are awesome; I don’t care if it’s deep and many-layered like Inception, or completely retarded (like the Star Wars prequels) I love movies. As a result, I spend way, way (way) too much time thinking about them. This has the unfortunate side effect of ruining some of my favorite movies for me, which is the case with most of this list. Often times in movies, in order to get...

Coffee makes my heart want to explode. I still drink it, but in small, controlled doses that give my heart ample time to defuse each tiny bomb of caffeine that graces its presence before the next bomb arrives. This problem is magnified when I drink a Starbucks coffee. I will occasionally feel like I want to be a part of the Starbucks-drinking clan of cool people, so I’ll grab myself a...

One could easily argue that technology exists for the sole purpose of making our lives easier. Inventing weapons made it easier to kill the monsters that inhabited our prehistoric world, making it easier to not die. Inventing better weapons made it easier to live in fear than before, because although there were no more monsters, there were plenty of dangerous assholes with weapons. All of...

It has been a long held secret, but the truth may finally be out: the secret recipe Coca Cola used to make Coke. For 125 years, Coke’s recipe has been one of the most closely guarded secreted in the trade, but it only took reporters from NPR’s This American Life a few flips through an newspaper from February 18, 1979 to find what appears to be the original Coke recipe...

ED. NOTE: This article was originally written nearly a year ago, but it seems it's just as relevant today. Hey, Florida! Yeah, I’m talking to you! The state that I’m currently living in! You suck! First, it was with the 2000 presidential election, now it’s with snow. What the hell is your deal, man? What, do you have some kind of problem with the rest of the...

Some things in life we just will not do, usually because we’re scared of jail and/or death, or simply because hey-we’re all respectable and shit. That’s where people like me come in, because people that write dick jokes for the internet have no shame, and are usually well-acquainted with the seamier side of life. However, we’re also well aware that the people who frequent comedy...

He unloaded the dump truck’s contents on to a growing pile of trash already a few feet tall. Hanging thick in the thin winter air was the stench of countless half eaten meals, dead rodents, dirty diapers of both the very young and decrepitly old, and countless other things that give off smells only an agent of Hell’s sulfur pits would find comforting.

The United Federation of Planets and Starfleet have decided Captain Owen Honors is to be relieved of command of the U.S.S Enterprise for his “profound lack of good judgment and professionalism.” The decision came three days after Federation news outlets caught wind of at least three viewscreen transmissions that originated on board the Enterprise on Stardate 41153.7, when Honors was the...

People love explosions. When shit blows up, people cheer. Micheal Bay has a career based on this fact; between Armageddon and The Rock, Bay used more explosives than the Manhattan Project. While most people get a charge out of a big bang, Micheal Bay experiences the same, sick sexual thrill a serial killer gets when I watched the light fade from that hooker’s eyes.

    A useful law to be aware of is Poe's Law, which states that any attempt to satirize an extreme viewpoint will inevitably be mistaken by somebody as actually representing that viewpoint.  It makes figuring out satire on the Internet difficult, and taking insane sites seriously nearly impossible. And, of course, nowhere else other than the internet can you find more blisteringly...

Technology moves at a rapid pace. In 1999, who among us could have predicted such wondrous innovations as the iPhone, the Nintendo Wii, Microsoft’s Kinect, or the Snuggie? Not many. Moreover, who among us could have possibly predicted the one innovation that tops them all -- the one innovation that has and will continue to save countless lives all over the world? Who could have predicted the...

  In December, my girlfriend and I got a puppy, a Shih Tzu, from her coworker, who'd bought two Shih Tzus that had never shown any interest in each other until surprise!  Puppies!  Neither of us had owned our own dog before, and we were looking forward to years of adorable adorableness. What I didn't know is that it would change me.  In fact, it would turn me into exactly the kind of...

When I was 12-years-old, I was an idiot. I haven’t gotten much smarter since then. But at the age of 12, I was an even bigger idiot than I am now, and I also was in possession of a lighter I stole from Spencer’s Gifts. It was a knock-off Zippo with a picture of woman’s ass on it. That’s the kind of thing you steal when you’re 12. I never used the lighter for anything other than...

You know what? Other countries have way more fun on Christmas. Seriously. The Japanese dress up like trees and scare small children, the Europeans have Krampus who accompanies Santa and eats bad children and just spanks the naughty ones, and we've got the occasional lump of coal. You know what? No. Absolutely not. Children need to learn, early and often, that the world is a cold,...

No. NO! I refuse to believe it. I can’t believe that the Golden Globe academy of voters, or whoever they are, didn’t nominate Breaking Bad for Best Television Series – Drama! I mean, it’s like, if they don’t nominate it, then how am I supposed to feel like everything I like is right in the eyes of a faceless, shadowy organization that might be a myth on par with the Illuminati? How...